My god, will no one think of the Picnic tables?
Was this consensual or did the Picnic table just have to lie there silently in shame and take it?
I don't see any comments from the victim, who was probably sitting in the sun on a pleasant day minding its own business, when this . . . this thing hopped on top and started pounding away on his formerly pristine finish.
And I'm sure that some family that buys this table at a garage sale will be surprised when they find out that it came with a additional bonus of secret sauce.
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My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings;
Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and despair!
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