Quote:
Originally Posted by Trojan97
It is definitely tough to just walk away from someone who you know you could help and who you care for (not by getting back together but by maybe convincing her somehow to get some counselling) but I can see it's obviously the smartest thing to do. Definitely tough to see this other side of someone tho after two years of great memories. oh well, chalk it up as a learning lesson.
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The problem is you see it as something you can help her fix. But this a problem only she can fix. So...to repeat the majority of what CP has said, tough love man.
Quote:
Originally Posted by FireFly
Yes, she does have issues. No, you won't be able to break her of her codependancy on males, (at least not easily). However, you CAN be her friend if she needs one and you want to be one for her.
/Snip/
Anyway, yes she's got issues. If you want to help her, make it VERY CLEAR that you will only be her friend and that would probably help. Just don't get sucked in too far. There's a line, you should know where to draw it.
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I'm sorry, Firefly, for once, it seems I can't agree with you. Leaving any open outlet is going to allow her to continue to be dependent.
To whoever said this was dependence, not co-dependence, you're right. I had a similar situation with a best friend, not a boyfriend. But she had become so dependent on me to be the person to bring her up when she was down, help her when she had problems, freaking call her to wake her up in the morning to go to class, so on, and so forth. I finally realized that she was messed up and the only way for her to get better was to stop allowing her to keep doing what she was doing to herself, which was pretty much manipulating people, and not taking responsibility for any of her own actions. Her life may have sucked, but a lot of it was because I kept giving her sympathy and making it so that it was easy to keep milking her situation so she didn't bother to change. I finally just told her off. Told her to grow up, take responsibility for her situation. Seriously, one of the hardest "breakups" I may have ever had. But the thing is...she actually cleaned up her act. She found out what it was like being alone, to have to clean up her own messes and she actually started helping herself.
So...in a very long and roundabout way, tough love. man. You have to tell her why your ditching her ass to the wind, and hopefully she'll think about it and she may help herself.