It sounds like she's pretty defensive. The challenge there is that no matter what you say to her, she's not hearing you, she's busy in her head thinking about how its not her fault and being a victim.
However, you have no choice but to sit down with her and tell her what you expect. What you may want to do is make sure you have your expectations in writing, outline the direction of your company and include your concerns about the way she greets your clients both over the phone and in person. After you talk, tell her to read what you've composed regarding this problem and SHE can meet with you once she has time to digest it, think about it and come up with some solutions she thinks will improve her attitude and performance at work. Perhaps set up a meeting for the next day, in the morning. People who are hyper defensive cope better when they have time alone to think about a situation and don't feel under attack. You should also keep in mind, that she will be confrontational and that's her demeanor and you can't change it. You'll have to suffer through it and hopefully get through. Otherwise, she needs to understand, that as much as you appreciate the loyalty she's had to your company, you can not keep her on board at the expense of your company's future.
Good luck. This is why I don't miss managing people at all.
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