Well that made me feel good. I'm proficient at everything you listed. Of course, all that campy stuff is usually done under the influence. So if beer were to no longer exist, I may not be all that good at it.
But my first order of business would be to operate and drive a firetruck. I'd probably justify it by coaxing someone else to ride in the bucket so that I could lift him up high to pick apples or something. But not before speeding down Elbow drive with the sirens on.
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