Holy crap.
"We
are the authorities on getting people off drugs. We are the authorities on improving the mind. We are the authorities on the mind. We are the authorities on improving conditions. (...) We can rehabilite criminals. (...) We can bring peace."
That had to be one of the longest, most self-absorbed rambles I've ever heard.
Here's a Scientology Glossary in case you want to look up any of his acronyms:
http://www.xenu-directory.net/glossary/glossary_a.htm