Kauai if you want more relaxation, but beautiful scenery and waterfalls. If you go there do the helicopter....80% of the island is only accessable by air and the views are spectacular. Great beaches, etc. Maui has more nightlife and there is lots to do there as well. Have you ever thought about a cruise? We did one Vancouver to Hawaii and around the islands. Flew back. It gives you a taste of all of them, and you can decide which one to go back to and stay. I've never stayed on the Big Island or Molokai, but the rest are absolutely fabulous. There is never a bad time of year to go, IMO, and I've been there about 8 times in the last 10 years...all different times of the year. Enjoy!
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