Quote:
Originally Posted by WesternCanadaKing
If there are any high school english teachers who post here, and have a little bit of time on their hands, I would really really really appreciate if you could just possibly read over this essay and tell me what you think. I need to get a good grade with it and I just need to know if you would give it an 80 or higher. Or just a quick skim would work
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Here are my thoughts. Take it on face value, and don't feel the need to make changes soley on my advice. I am just a guy who likes to read. I'm not making the changes in the text for you because I want you to have to do some work for it.
The play Hamlet,
Put Hamlet in quotes. It's a proper name of a work of literature.
written in 1600 by William Shakespeare, is known as one of the greatest pieces of literature in the English language.
It isn't literature as much as it is a work of theatre. Not sure when it was first published, but the earliest versions were simply acted, not written in a book like today.
In the play, Shakespeare develops the idea that in order to effectively achieve ones goals
"ones" needs to be put in it's possessive form.
a balance between planning and action is required, for too much of either could result in a lack of action or unexpected results, respectively.
You don't need the word respectively. A good clear thesis statement though, you have started well.
He does this by juxtaposing three characters who are each in similar situations: Hamlet, Laertes, and Fortinbras. While Hamlet is melancholy and thoughtful, Laertes is brash and impulsive. Fortinbras serves as an effective middle ground to represent the balance that is necessary between making plans and putting them into action.
Good, but you haven't explained how the three characters are in similar situations.
Hamlet’s character is extremely complex and has fascinated people ever since the play was first written.
I would go with performed instead of written. It's a play, not a book.
His character is effectively summed up in a quote, from his soliloquy in Act 2 “The spirit that I have seen – May be a devil, and the devil hath power – T’ assume a pleasing shape; yea, and perhaps, – out of my weakness and my melancholy, – As he is very potent with such spirits, – Abuses me to damn me. I’ll have grounds – More relative than this. The plays the thing – Wherein I’ll catch the conscience of the King.”.
He starts off by saying that the spirit he had seen might not be the ghost of his father but rather a devil, and thus perhaps it shouldn’t be trusted.
I would switch he to Hamlet, just to be clear who you are talking about after the quote.
This is evidence of the aspect of Hamlet’s character in which he thinks more than perhaps another person would, and that he first must deal with his inner conflicts before he can start to deal with his external ones.
This is a run on sentence. Break it up. You don't need the word "perhaps".
He is very adamant in ensuring that it is actually Claudius who killed his father, despite the fact that the visitation of the ghost probably would have been enough proof of Claudius’ guilt for other people who could be in his situation.
He is nervous that if he wrongly murders Claudius he would damn himself to Hell.
You have moved on to another example, so stick the word "also" in there.
This aspect of Hamlet’s personality is ironic, as he puts so much effort into making sure that he does not wrongfully kill anybody, but then in a brash impulsive action he stabs a person behind a curtain without first seeing who it is. In doing this he kills Polonius, who had nothing to do with his father’s death.
Take out the word "so". I like the irony example.
As a result Ophelia is driven to madness and drowns while picking flowers by a stream.
It doesn't really matter that she was picking flowers. Take it out to streamline your argument.
He then sends Rosencrantz and Guildenstern to their deaths in England, simply because he thinks that they are in cohorts with the King,
Cohorts isn't really the right word. I would go with conspiring.
when they really have no idea what is going on. Throughout the play Hamlet is pondering is situation and in effect wondering why he hasn’t done anything, and along the way through his impulsive actions he hurts those who are not involved.
Another run on sentence. Break it up, and get rid of the multiple uses of "and". You have a typo in the first sentence too. Change "is" to "his".
It is not until the end of act 4 does he finally say
This is cumbersome. Keep it simple. It is not until the end of act four that Hamlet says.
“O, from this time forth – My thoughts be bloody or be nothing worth!”. It is not up until that point does he decide to take real action against Claudius.
You just used the phrase "it is not until", so use something else.
In the end he is able to kill Claudius, but not without he himself dying soon after. So although Hamlet has the ability to plan things out and also be impulsive, a balance does not exist because the two are separate.
Good - I like your argument.
He will plan things but then will act on impulses which deviate from those plans, and as a result he has a lack of action in what he believes needs to be done, and unexpected results that leave others dead.
Again, you have a run on sentence. The indication of this is how many time you use the word "and". Break it up into shorter phrasing.
In stark contrast to Hamlet’s character there is Laertes.
You don't need the word "there".