Originally Posted by CaptainCrunch
CaptainCrunch's outdoor pickup hockey Etiquette
1) If there's a goalie in net, whiz one by his head, you want to make sure that he flinches every time you shoot
2) Don't be afraid to drop the gloves with that skinny little twerp with the glasses, pull off his jersey and shred it on the bench
3) When your on the bench it never hurts to have a smoke, at least your lungs will be warm
4) Have about 6 beers before you get to the game, it doesn't hurt to feel like superman, and when you pee your pants after a hit it will keep your legs warm
5) Its ok to have an edge, heavy training and steroids will give you the edge that you need
6) If everyone is wearing hoodies, it becomes a shirts and skins game, make sure that your on the shirts team. When your skating by a skin's player, show him comrade ship by giving his a friendly slap across the belly
7) If there are young kids playing in the game, its a perfect time to impress your friends and any girls watching with the high light reel type of hit. Extra points are awarded if you leave your feet and follow through
8) When you score a goal, flail your arms, jump up and down, scream yahoo, and then autograph the puck with the sharpie that you tucked into your glove
9) Everytime someone breaths on you scream "Penalty", then argue the call
10) There's nothing more satisfying then throwing the perfect hip check on a senior citizen, then when he's lying on the ice writhing in pain lean over and laugh at him while you say "Got Milk"
11) there might be scouts somewhere in the same city, so just in case, take all of the pressure on you, don't pass the puck to those useless players that are just going to screw it up. Mutter to yourself "You guys are useless, I'll do it myself"
12) After the game, when you go out to have a beer, duck out on the tab, your friends will admire your fiscal conservatism.
13) Just as the play is getting intense in your end, yell out "Car" and push the net out of traffic.
14) When your talking to strangers, tell them that "I was good enough to go pro if it wasn't for this damn knee", then give him a hard look and mutter "You'd better have your head on a swivel tonight gramps"
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