Quote:
Originally Posted by jammies
Obviously for many people it isn't as simple as just willing your way out of depression, but there is a very important point here - people can be willing to help, but the key is that YOU have to change before their help will mean anything. Allowing outside influences to drive your recovery just means that other outside influences will be able to set you back again; you must find inner strength to fuel a rage for happiness, a lust for it, a power that masters your soul and transforms it into a happy one.
There is nothing wrong, and much right, with seeking help, but if you do not seek it with the attitude that you are going to do most of the heavy lifting, you are likely to fail. Think of it as learning any other skill - a teacher can do much to help you, but if you are not motivated to put what you learn into practice, you will be an indifferent student at best.
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I can definitely relate to this advice, having seen it so perfectly displayed in front of me in the past few months.
I've told the story of my friend's breakup with her husband, and one of the biggest reasons why that relationship fell apart was the demons both were carrying. Both were co-dependant, but he had a rough childhood - very domineering father, unsure of any physical abuse, but I wouldn't doubt it - and ran from it constantly. Getting mad if anyone even threatened to talk about it. He's closed his mind to it, and therefore spends all of his time running. As a result, he simply can't function as an individual. He *needs* someone to make his life work for him. So much so that he still won't completely leave my friend alone, even though some of the ways she has told him to go to hell have shocked her therapist by the fact he keeps coming back.
He just cannot change because his mind is closed. He believes the world around him should change to suit him. As such, without that desire to change himself, no amount of effort - and my friend certainly did try - will ever register.
My own childhood was marked by the complete opposite problem - isolation and abandonment. As a result, I find it hard to function around people. A rather ugly catch-22, given the only two things I fear on this earth are being around people... and being alone. Like him, I spent most of my time running. Barely dodging suicide in high school, with only the murder of my aunt snapping me out of the belief that people around me would be better off if I was gone.
It wasn't until their breakup though - and watching someone who threw away what I viewed to be a perfect life, everything I ever dreamed of having, but have been completely denied, because he couldn't control his own demons - that I finally stopped running from my own. It's not an easy battle, but in just four sessions with a therapist, I can already see a lot of things changing. Got a long way to go, but once you accept that you need professional help, if you go in with an open mind, you will see change.
For anyone fighting a similar battle, this is the only advice I can give thus far: listen. Listen to your friends, even if it feels easy to dismiss the support they offer as undeserved. Listen to the professionals you seek. Be willing to trust them, and to work through whatever exercises they give you.
Most importantly, listen to yourself. If your mind is screaming that you need a change, and that you want a change, then fight to change. One of my personal mantras right now is:
nothing changes if nothing changes. I wasted half my life because of the fear of change, even though there was no possible way things could have gotten worse.
If anyone wants a recommendation for a good group of psychologists, let me know. I would definitely suggest seeing a therapist before a general practitioner. Drugs are the solution for some problems, but I don't believe it is the first solution for most.