Originally Posted by jammies
Bookstore:
- surreptiously hang around the erotica section, when you see a woman browsing it, walk over and ask her if she knows any good titles on bondage and discipline
- grab an Archie comic, sit, wait, look cool
- go to the New Age/Alternative section, look for totally freaky girl reading something about how the pyramids are really spaceships, ask her, "Have you heard about the healing power of anonymous sex?"
- borrow baby from unsuspecting sibling or very close friend to push around store in stroller. Lie and tell admirers "I've always wanted one of my own, but I just can't find a woman that shares my love of intimate dinners, travel, and shopping." (This also works at the grocery store, but you will get a lot more old ladies, which is ok I guess if you are some kind of perv)
- Two words: Tom Clancy
- Dress up as knight in shining armour, go to Fantasy/SF section, wait for princess
Grocery Store
- Hit the produce aisle, position yourself near melons. Make suggestive eyebrow wiggles and gently fondle while staring into her eyes
- Ask her if she likes ice cream. All women like ice cream.
- Simulate heart attack when she walks past by clutching at your chest and saying, "Ay yi yi! Such beauty is not for mortal eyes to contemplate!"
- Rent airline pilot's uniform, push cart up and down aisles. Dislodge extra women from cowcatcher before leaving store, take the rest home.
- Take gay friend with you, allow him to do all the talking. When she makes the inevitable assumption that you are his boyfriend, correct her and say, "Actually I prefer my hot dirty sex with women like you."
- Ask for help with hair care products - women love nattering on and on about hair. Continue looking perplexed, then ask if she would mind demonstrating the correct usage of said products by taking a shower with you so you can see exactly what she is talking about.
There you go! Heck, it's not even noon yet so you have the rest of the day to try these out - let me know how it goes!
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