Originally Posted by RougeUnderoos

Me: <drunk and staggering>.Officer, that guy just mugged me. He's wearing my watch and he has my wallet.
Other Guy: No I didn't. He's super wasted and this stuff is mine.
Officer: Ah, I don't know who to believe, lemme see the wallet <gets wallet>. This wallet is empty save for a fin. How do I know it's yours?
Me: <Still drunk>. Because I f*&kin told you, you stupid pig. But he mugged me. It IS my wallet. Look at this lump on my head!
Other Guy: I just saw him fall over drunk. He musta hit his head then.
Officer: How do I know this is your watch?
Me: My watch is a Timex with a black strap.
Officer: Well, ya, it is a Timex with a black strap. I am wearing one too.
Me: This is bu%#sh$t. You're just too f%^kin lazy to do your job. And I'm not drunk!!! PIG!
Officer: Get out of here or I'm arresting you.