Getting past the "friend zone"

[Ren]

So, the question is, do you think it's possible for two friends of opposite sexes to move past the "friend" barrier and forge a healthy, working relationship that can go the distance? I'm not talking about two people who met at a house party and exchanged emails, I mean two people who know each other pretty well and have been friends for a while. If it is possible, under what circumstances can a friendly relationship evolve into a sexual relationship? If not, why?

I don't really have a reason for asking as I'm not in this kind of situation myself, I was just curious to gather people's thoughts on this issue.

[stang]

Some good reading here..

http://forum.calgarypuck.com/showthread.php?t=51811&highlight=friend+zone

Not trying to be an ass, as that is an old thread, I am sure people have some new experiences to share.

Just thought you might like to read it.

[calf]

It's most definitely possible. My current relationship of 6 months evolved from a friendship of a couple years.

Sorry if I'm jumping to conclusions here, but I bet you're the 'nice guy', and she probably dates, in general, ######bags. She has to come to the realization on her own that she needs the nice guy, and that she should stay away from the 'type' she usually goes for. She might be coming to this realization soon, or it may never come. Try and make something happen, and if she doesn't bite, move on.

Also, there still needs to be that chemistry/mutual attraction to make it go to the next level...if it's not there on her end, it's probably not going to happen...

[Pastiche]

Grow some stones and come clean. There's no other way. Be prepared for rejection and to no longer be good friends though.

[sureLoss]

http://img296.imageshack.us/img296/7623/roofie1hl4.gif

[Phaneuf3]

This needs to be posted in every friend zone topic:

http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/friends.png

[Muta]

Simple answer is... no. Been there, done that. Won't lie - when it happens, it's awesome. But once it crashes, there is asolutely no good that comes out of it. You lose a friend for life, and it's never the same.

Take the risk if you're so inclined to find out - but once you do that, you're NEVER going back to what it was. EVER. Be prepared for the possibilty of rejection, and a loss of friendship.

[Flashpoint]

Nope. Never.

[troutman]

Harry Burns (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000345/): You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally Albright (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000212/): Why not?
Harry Burns (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000345/): What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally Albright (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000212/): That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry Burns (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000345/): No you don't.
Sally Albright (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000212/): Yes I do.
Harry Burns (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000345/): No you don't.
Sally Albright (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000212/): Yes I do.
Harry Burns (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000345/): You only think you do.
Sally Albright (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000212/): You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry Burns (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000345/): No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
Sally Albright (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000212/): They do not.
Harry Burns (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000345/): Do too.
Sally Albright (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000212/): They do not.
Harry Burns (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000345/): Do too.
Sally Albright (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000212/): How do you know?
Harry Burns (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000345/): Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally Albright (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000212/): So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry Burns (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000345/): No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.
Sally Albright (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000212/): What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?
Harry Burns (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000345/): Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally Albright (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000212/): Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.
Harry Burns (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000345/): I guess not.
Sally Albright (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000212/): That's too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York.

[mikey_the_redneck]

Getting out of the friend zone is the exception, not the rule. It is extremely difficult. If you have listened to her complaints about her other boyfriends, and catered to her, it is not possible to get out of the zone.

If there is some good sexual tension there, and you are smart enough to keep it up, you can go from friends to more.........but you have to ask, did the girl categorize you as a friend in the first place?

[Ozy_Flame]

Well, one technique that DOES work is that you have to show that you are appealing to other women, AND that your time together is limited. Getting out of the friend so is best done by letting other women pull you out for you (that is, going on dates with other attractive women), and the chances of your girl "friend" realizing that she might be missing the boat dramatically increase. Women like to see that their man has sex appeal to other women, then they become intrigued.

It's basic human nature - we always want what we can't get, which is why people become more desirable when they're taken. Make yourself unavailable.

It doesn't work all the time, but there are techniques to getting out.

[Yeah_Baby]

http://media.funlol.com/content/img/you-sir-are-in-the-friend-zone.jpg


I think I posted it in the other thread. But it still rings true.

[Flamesguy_SJ]

It has only ever happened once for me. We both helped each other through some pretty bad break-ups, and then ended up together for a little bit. We probably rushed it, though, and were still pretty screwed up from what we had just been through separately. I'd say there was a cooling down period of about 2-3 weeks, and then we got right back to the friendship. It really is probably the weirdest relationship I've ever been in.

So yeah, it's possible. Just be prepared for the worst (or, in my case, the most bizarre).

[Ozy_Flame]

Actually here's a better question...Do women acknowledge the existence of the "friend zone?" Or do they play dumb? Seems to be all the guys talk about it (spitefully) but nary a mention of it from females.....Thoughts?

[Cactus Jack]

Whipping it out is the best way to clear up any ambiguity

[The Yen Man]

I dunno, it can work but be preapared for the possible consequences. I dated someone for roughly 4 years who started out as a good friend. Because of the way it ended, we don't really talk much to each other anymore. So I guess if a relationship works out then it's good, but if it doesn't, you might have to be prepared to lose a good friend.

[CaptainCrunch]

Actually here's a better question...Do women acknowledge the existence of the "friend zone?" Or do they play dumb? Seems to be all the guys talk about it (spitefully) but nary a mention of it from females.....Thoughts?

Woman love the friends zone, its the ultimate con for them. They get some pathetic loser sucker who's there for them emotionally, will do whatever they say, take her out to dinner and pay for the expensive ones. She has a male friend that she can take to pseudo gay chick flicks whenever she wants and the expectation of the reciprical action movie payback never happens.

When her car breaks down she has a free mechanic because we want to impress her with how handy we are. When she wants to move she's got a free pack mule, when she wants to do a home renovation project we're the first ones to show up with our tool box and a big ######ed smile our faces.

Its rare that you make that leap, and then when it happens its because she calls you drunk and horny in the middle of the night, and its all about getting her off, then in the morning the first thing she says is that it was a mistake and she wants to go back to being friends, and you never see that a$$ again.

Meanwhile she's recruiting other girls into your friendship zone because your such a "Sweet Nice Guy", which is chick talk for mechanic interact card, packmule, emotional handkerchief, home renovator without the need to put out. . . you might not be gay, but you might as well pierce that right ear, grown that ponytail, and start wearing pink, because once your in that friendship zone, your that sister with skills that she never had.

As a man, I say its time for the revolution to begin. Its time to put into law that the only friendship zone involves benefits. I'm not there to wipe your tears, or fix your stuff or say "Yes . . . Yes . . . dating that biker/con man might have been your fault, but you did nothing wrong". Its time to take back our sacks and say "No baby its not always about your needs, sometimes you have to take my needs into account . . . oh yeah and wear that sweater with the plunging neck line if you want me to fix your car ok sweet cheeks, and after I'm done pounding in your hardwood floor, we can work on laying that carpet ok"

DAAAAMMMMNNNNNNN

[evilcougar]

^^^ Realllllly now. While i don't doubt there are women out there that do that, there are also women out there that can't do that because it's way to annoying to knowingly string along a dude that you know for a fact you will never cross the line with.
I've had a couple friends in the past this has happend to me with. I barely talk to them anymore because the times that i did go to a movie (i hate chick flicks) with them as friends, or whatever else, they took it as more and then wouldn't stop texting...calling...IM'ing...

So, while i know there are chicks out there that dig that kind of stuff, there are definitely the ones that don't.

If i'm having some kind of emotional/rant/bitch day, my poor brother gets the brunt of it. However, it is offset by the fact that i always show up with alcohol and 99% of the time he agrees with me about the ###### at hand.

[CaptainCrunch]

^^^^I love you


What oh wait

I said I love Jews

Crap

[Yeah_Baby]

If this woman really values your friendship, you're stuck.

[CaptainCrunch]

Or she values you as a convienient source of cheap and easy back breaking labour.

[Teh_Bandwagoner]

Completely cut off the relationship with her for a year.
Come back, flirt like crazy.

That should get you in.

[CaptainCrunch]

Invite her to your house for movie night and answer the door in a whipped cream bikini. See if that gets you anywhere.

[Yeah_Baby]

Completely cut off the relationship with her for a year.
Come back, flirt like crazy.

That should get you in.

Voice of experience?

[Bibtin Tex]

I've posted this a month ago,

http://www.eatliver.com/img/2009/3964.jpg

[Yeah_Baby]

You want me to eat liver?

[Ace Handy]

Completely cut off the relationship with her for a year.
Come back, flirt like crazy.

That should get you in.

This actually works. Except you don't come back, she does.

[Teh_Bandwagoner]

This actually works. Except you don't come back, she does.

Yeah poor choice of words. By "come back" I mean "coincidentally show up back in her life" :p

[Ace Handy]

Yeah poor choice of words. By "come back" I mean "coincidentally show up back in her life" :p

Exactly!

[Azure]

Sure it can work.

But the risk involved is in screwing up what possibly was a good friendship.

If you're the 'loser' that CC talked about, the one that your 'friend' can get to watch chick flicks with her, buy her expensive dinners, let her cry on your shoulder, you're screwed up from the beginning.

Since when is a friendship supposed to go one way? If thats the way its going, you're being used.

[Phaneuf3]

Completely cut off the relationship with her for a year.
Come back, flirt like crazy.

That should get you in.
this.
jail would be a good way to cut it off too. as was posted earlier, chicks go for the bad boy/ex-con types all the time.

[Rerun]

So, the question is, do you think it's possible for two friends of opposite sexes to move past the "friend" barrier and forge a healthy, working relationship that can go the distance? I'm not talking about two people who met at a house party and exchanged emails, I mean two people who know each other pretty well and have been friends for a while. If it is possible, under what circumstances can a friendly relationship evolve into a sexual relationship? If not, why?

I don't really have a reason for asking as I'm not in this kind of situation myself, I was just curious to gather people's thoughts on this issue.

Yes... but this is required .... for her....


http://www.beveragewarehouse.com/images/products/1299.jpg

[Ozy_Flame]

this.
jail would be a good way to cut it off too. as was posted earlier, chicks go for the bad boy/ex-con types all the time.

http://www.grouchoreviews.com/content/films/3132/5.jpg

"It's all....Part of the plan."