Dealing with Jealousy/Insecurity

[ffp204]

Posting under another username becuase this is some embarrassing ####. Need some input on how to deal with this issue.

I recently got screamed at for having the Katy Perry concert movie downloaded. Didn't even watch it but I sure got hell. "The only reason you have this is to lust after her", "I thought you didn't like women with caked on makeup", "Is this the kind of woman you have fantasies about?", "This is completely disrespectful to me". I got dressed down.

What porn I have ammonts to maybe 10 Playboy magazines from the 90s, half a dozen VHS tapes and a folder on my computer with about 50 files. Pretty average when compared to friends and guys I know.

This is a grown woman, not a teenager. I've been aware that she's sensitive and insecure but this is over the top. I'd throw away the porn becauase I really don't care about it but I can't walk on eggshells wondering if a movie or video by a female singer is inappropriate but she is adamant that I am being very disrespectful to her.

My idea of disrespectful is cheating, lying, insisting on watching porn even if she's not into it. Have not even come close to that.

She would lose it if she saw the Hot Chicks thread.

How far have you gone to appease your woman? Been together 2 years, do not live together. I need some perspective.

[Dion]

If she's insecure and doesn't trust you it will only get worse. You need to ask her what is REALLY troubling her about you. Her complaints is only masking a bigger issue and you need to find out what it is if you have any hopes of salvaging the relationship.

[CMPunk]

Your other account is from April? Planning ahead?

Ya, she's over the top over this. You can try talking to her about this and find out what the real reason behind it is, otherwise I see a lot of long nights getting yelled at for glancing at the wrong woman.

[Street Pharmacist]

Seems unreasonable to me. You're human, to lust is normal. She should feel comfortable enough that doesn't bother so much.

Having said that, there's got to be a compromise somewhere. Be honest with her that you find other women sexually attractive, and it's impossible not to. If she doesn't want you watching regular movies, weird. Porn outside of her knowledge would be fairly normal, but there's some case to be made there I suppose

[AC]

Why do you have a Katy Perry concert downloaded?

[ffp204]

Becuase she's fun to look at and some of her music is allright.


Your other account is from April? Planning ahead?

That was the first time I got yelled at.

I actually don't think there is anything else behind this. She just thinks I should only have eyes for her and finds it insulting that I would want to watch something just to "lust" over a women. If it has no artistic merit then I'm being a pig and disrespetful.

[SHOGUN]

Find another girlfriend. Seriously... a ****ing Katy Perry movie??? Leave the relationship with some dignity that you have left, and find a better girlfriend who realizes that humans are sexual beings.

[WhiteTiger]

This is a tough call, man. Without trust, there is no relationship. I'd make an effort to figure out what is really bugging her, but honestly if she's that insecure...either bail or prepare to spend a lifetime looking over your shoulder wondering if your woman is keeping an eye on what you are looking at.

[DOOM]

https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcT7fQrUFTxMyUzZuKU7GLBlP36CLQtxM PHp7KQ8Px_ERmwG87tP

[alan21]

Bang her sister.

[Caged Great]

My last girlfriend was like this exactly. No trust in a relationship is going to blow up in a very negative way and it will suck for both you and her.

You will be better off not having to deal with that, rather than having to deal with that.

[Regulator75]

Not married? No kids?

Run away quickly.

[Regulator75]

Just because.

http://img.izismile.com/img/img6/20130411/1000/kinky_gifs_of_katy_perrys_boobs_02.gif

http://thechive.files.wordpress.com/2010/09/katy.gif?w=300&h=169

[Cheese]

My last girlfriend was like this exactly. No trust in a relationship is going to blow up in a very negative way and it will suck for both you and her.

You will be better off not having to deal with that, rather than having to deal with that.

maybe it IS your last g/f?

Bail on this woman...possessive, jealous people will make your life miserable. She'd be happier with a Mormon or JW...until she caught them

[Caged Great]

maybe it IS your last g/f?

Bail on this woman...possessive, jealous people will make your life miserable. She'd be happier with a Mormon or JW...until she caught them

If so, run, run like the wind.

[albertGQ]

Now the CP detectives will get to work.

Hmmm, what is your other username?

Maybe you should get her to see a psychiatrist?
I know a good one. His name is Dr.Destiny.

[FlamesAddiction]

My wife was kind of like that when she found my Suicide Girls collection, but she got over it quickly.

It's funny how women act totally computer illiterate, but as soon as it is about finding the sick stuff we look at, they are like Neo in the Matrix.

[Northendzone]

years ago i had a g/f who turned very jelous, it got tot he point where i was walking around the mall with my head down, or i was turning my head away from the TV if something suggestive was on. For whatever reason I married her, it got better for a while and then suddenly i had to start explaining stray hairs around the house and crap like that......more time passed and eventually i found out she was trying out for the role of the town bicycle. finally manned up and ended the relationship.......

found out that for whatever reason, my exes siblings all had jelousy issues in thier relationships......in my opinion, it never ends.......

man that gif of katy is some kind of awesome.....

[rotten42]

advice: run....run away fast and far. There is no furure with someone that insecure.

[rain_e]

Since you are not living together and it is only 2 years in and you've realized she is crazy it's time to call it quits. It will only get worse.

[evman150]

In my experience it is people who have cheated or are cheating who have the worst insecurity/jealousy issues. Like the town bicycle story above, it is reasonably likely that this girl is cheating on you, or has in the past. People have the tendency to project their own behaviours, and think you are a deviant just like they are.

My advice: leave before you get in any deeper.

[sec304]

I wouldn't leave her without having a serious grounded conversation about the topic. It's obvious she has a problem, and throwing it out on the table to discuss it could bring light to her sensitivity.

You have nothing to lose, as everybody said, if this stays buried, things will only get worse!

[troutman]

Does she never watch Justin Timberlake videos? George Clooney movies? Magic Mike?

[getbak]

You don't have to feel like a wasted space
You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Baby, you're a firework
Come on, let your colours burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh"
You're gonna leave 'em all in awe, awe, awe

[troutman]

But there's one emotion I'm afraid of
Hear him scratching gently to be fed
I can't stand it when he sits there smiling
I don't want him nesting in my head
Crocodile
No you won't make me jealous
That she left me for him
Get away
Crocodile
No you won't make me jealous
I'm not letting you in
___________________________


I know it's just a drawer of photographs
They're ex-girlfriends, I try to remember that
I don't want to look, but I'm already hooked on jealousy
Jealousy

I can't believe you had a life before me
I can't believe they let you run around free
Just putting your body wherever it seemed like a good idea
What a good idea

Standing on the corner watching the ladies pass by
Imagining me behind your eyes
And what did I see?
I saw hips, I saw thighs
I saw secret positions that we never try
I saw jealousy
I saw jealousy

[Rhettzky]

Pics?

[getbak]

Pics?

http://img.izismile.com/img/img6/20130411/1000/kinky_gifs_of_katy_perrys_boobs_02.gif

[Muta]

Ask her if she's slept with anyone before you. If she has, call her a filthy whore.

Giver 'er a taste of her own medicine. Then, go get loaded with your bros.

[calumniate]

If you think she's worth it, offer to go to counselling with her..

I had a friend (serious, haha) who was in the same situation where if they went to the gym together he'd get accused of staring, no matter what. That presented a few problems.. first off it's pretty hard not to do. Secondly, he claims he wasn't even, there are sometimes only so many directions a person can look. Lastly, it opened up a whole other dimension of trust issues.

Counselling was his only way out. Have to have a third party convince them that they are 'wrong' or at least unreasonable. Convincing her yourself will prove impossible.

[fundmark19]

Wait! This is an obvious troll. Who keeps porn on their hard drive everyone knows you can stream anything you want now a days!

[Rathji]

No need to get rid of her over this, but I would sit her down and tell her how you feel.

I had a similar issue with Mrs Rathji, although no Katy Perry or porn related, shortly after we got married, where she was upset about the time I spent with friends when I was in school. Her reasoning was that if I had to spend hours doing homework in the evenings, missing time with kids and her, that it seemed excessive to also have a night a week where I would go play games with my friends.

I talked with her, and she quickly realized that the release of going and playing a game with friends for a few hours was important in terms of me being able to function with the rest of my time being dedicated to Work/School/Home.

It's a lot more complex with porn (and related materials), but the idea is the same. If it is something that is important to you, then she will need to realize that she has to either accept it or end the relationship. As a friend of my wife said, shortly after we got married, "I don't care where he pumps up the tire, as long as he comes home to ride the bike"

[Senator Clay Davis]

Even if you somehow can't stream the porn, use a jump drive and just find a good hiding spot and its all good.

Also learn all the lyrics to every Katy Perry song, that way you can just sell her you're a huge fan (and not just of her tits).

[Rathji]

Yes, there is also the option of lying to her and instead learn to use technology to hide your consumption of these materials.

If you can't tell your girlfriend (or wife) about this part of who you are, then what's the point of the entire relationship? Just to have a warm place to put it? I am sure you can microwave a banana peel for 30 seconds and get the same result.

[19Yzerman19]

Having dealt with this myself, and not even to this degree, my suggestion is to pull the chute as soon as possible because people don't really change. Even if you discuss it and come to some rational, reasonable compromise and she doesn't blow up at you for watching the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show or whatever, she'll find other ways to take out those feelings on you. It's probably not worth it.

[Cheese]

FFS it doesn't matter if a guy or or gal looks at others..."it simply doesn't matter where you get your appetite as long as you eat at home".
Having to turn your head or drop it in crowded areas because one partner is so insecure about themselves is a recipe for disaster.
Let her know you have great difficulty with this issue, ask her to get help and deal with "her" issues, and get on with life, together or apart.

[northcrunk]

In my experience it is people who have cheated or are cheating who have the worst insecurity/jealousy issues. Like the town bicycle story above, it is reasonably likely that this girl is cheating on you, or has in the past. People have the tendency to project their own behaviours, and think you are a deviant just like they are.

My advice: leave before you get in any deeper.


Great post and great advice. People who have a guilty concience because they are cheating tend to be more jealous and insecure so they are always trying to make you feel the same way as them by freaking out about little things like looking at a girl/guy, movies, porn ect. Find a girl who points out cute girls to you. That way you know you have a secure woman who will not freak out about little crap like a Katy Perry movie.

[fundmark19]

for watching the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show or whatever, she'll find other ways to take out those feelings on you. It's probably not worth it.

I truly have an amazing wife she always records it for me since I forget to do it every year

[nik-]

Watching the Victoria's Secret show is like watching a rotating sushi bar and never being allowed to pick up the plate of toro.

[MaDMaN_26]

odd PsYcNeT keeps thanking the helpful posts instead of ffp204. ... ... ... just sayin'

:P

[Sainters7]

In my experience it is people who have cheated or are cheating who have the worst insecurity/jealousy issues. Like the town bicycle story above, it is reasonably likely that this girl is cheating on you, or has in the past. People have the tendency to project their own behaviours, and think you are a deviant just like they are.
This was my thinking. There's a good chance she's either a) been cheated on, or b) has cheated, with the same result being she knows its possible to happen. Hence the insecurity. (or she's just out of her mind)

Either way a talk is definitely needed, especially if it keeps happening. Communication is key. Just a lay everything out on the table, "Why do you feel this way" "I can't handle this stuff anymore, it needs to change" type discussion. If you don't like the way the talk plays out, time to get out before you get in any deeper. Only going to get more difficult the longer you stay, and not confront the underlying issues there.

[King Hippo]

Break up with her ASAP

But before you do, set up some really hard core porn on your living room TV, like the really hard core disturbing ones. Then set up a camera and get her reaction when she walks in. If she flips out on Katy Perry, I can't imagine how over the wall she'd go with that kinda stuff.

CP will thank you for posting the reaction

[GirlySports]

what does she watch? any guys she likes watching?
For example, does she only watch Criminal Minds because of Shemar Moore? Call her on it, see how she reacts, you have nothing to lose now since everyone is still you to run.

I must watch 1000 Korean dramas and Korean guys... yum. My guy has Asian actresses (even some porn stars) on his iPhone wallpaper. So what?

[FireFly]

Posting under another username becuase this is some embarrassing ####. Need some input on how to deal with this issue.

I recently got screamed at for having the Katy Perry concert movie downloaded. Didn't even watch it but I sure got hell. "The only reason you have this is to lust after her", "I thought you didn't like women with caked on makeup", "Is this the kind of woman you have fantasies about?", "This is completely disrespectful to me". I got dressed down.

What porn I have ammonts to maybe 10 Playboy magazines from the 90s, half a dozen VHS tapes and a folder on my computer with about 50 files. Pretty average when compared to friends and guys I know.

This is a grown woman, not a teenager. I've been aware that she's sensitive and insecure but this is over the top. I'd throw away the porn becauase I really don't care about it but I can't walk on eggshells wondering if a movie or video by a female singer is inappropriate but she is adamant that I am being very disrespectful to her.

My idea of disrespectful is cheating, lying, insisting on watching porn even if she's not into it. Have not even come close to that.

She would lose it if she saw the Hot Chicks thread.

How far have you gone to appease your woman? Been together 2 years, do not live together. I need some perspective.

From a girl's perspective.... RUN. Don't walk. Why have you put up with this for two years?

[undercoverbrother]

From a girl's perspective.... RUN. Don't walk. Why have you put up with this for two years?


Anal?

[DuffMan]

in my experience it is people who have cheated or are cheating who have the worst insecurity/jealousy issues.

x2

[CaptainCrunch]

The only question is

Is the juice worth the squeeze?

What's keeping you there?

Is it worth saving?

To me once you start dating a shrew, you can either stick with it and hope that you can change a basic personality type. Or trade her in for something that won't make you batsh$t crazy

[squiggs96]

Here's what I've realized about why people get jealous. People expect other people to act like they act themselves. If you go to Vegas and your partner says 'have fun', they do so because they trust you and know how they would act in a similar situation. If they start accusing you of wanting to go bang some skanks, it's likely that's what they would want to do if they were in Vegas. A few years ago I went out for some drinks and left my phone at work. When I got back to the office I had a ton of missed calls from my girlfriend. All of them were asking where I was and if I was okay. She even called two hospitals to see if I had been admitted, since she worried about me biking to and from work.

[DuffMan]

My wife had no problems with me going to strippers, years ago. Doesn't really fit into my lifestyle too much anymore, but back in the day, I went more than a few times a month.

[cam_wmh]

I am sure you can microwave a banana peel for 30 seconds and get the same result.

giggidy

[J pold]

There is nothing I find more strange then when people seek dating/relationship advice on CP. That being said I'd get rid of her right away.

[Bigtime]

Great post and great advice. People who have a guilty concience because they are cheating tend to be more jealous and insecure so they are always trying to make you feel the same way as them by freaking out about little things like looking at a girl/guy, movies, porn ect. Find a girl who points out cute girls to you. That way you know you have a secure woman who will not freak out about little crap like a Katy Perry movie.

I married that girl, and it is great.

[DuffMan]

Well when your wife is the stripper....

She was only the cocktail waitress, your Mom was the stripper.

[PsYcNeT]

odd PsYcNeT keeps thanking the helpful posts instead of ffp204. ... ... ... just sayin'

:P

Wait, we're not supposed to thank helpful posts anymore?

I've just been there, and really what I've thanked is the best advice. You have to talk about it and if it won't work out, it won't work out. That kind of #### is like a boat anchor around your neck.

[TheyCallMeBruce]

Start oogling men. If that fails, start downloading animals having sex and watching that instead.

Then when she yells at you again, tell her if she preferred you look at animals/men or women.

This advice will probably not help at all, but try it out anyway and post your results.

[Ark2]

She sounds like an unreasonable person, and if she gave you a good dressing down and you just took it, then it sounds like she is also the domineering type when it comes to relationships. I would say run away from this one, but if you are the type to allow yourself to get brow-beaten by your SO, then I think you also have some self-esteem issues that need to be worked out as well.

[Huntingwhale]

If she's jealous of all the porn/Katy Perry fap material you watch, the only fair thing is for you to start watching male porn with her.

[Bill Bumface]

There is nothing I find more strange then when people seek dating/relationship advice on CP. That being said I'd get rid of her right away.

I can think of something stranger. I'm surprised you can't J pold...

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-OqUepFFeEFs/UHtaHxAUq7I/AAAAAAAAAZY/F4tWG_MN2fI/s1600/turtletovbrown.jpg

[squiggs96]

Wait. You have Playboys from 1990 and porn on VHS? Dude. Check out the internet. It's free and you don't need a VCR to play it back. I didn't even know VCRs were still operational.

[flamesfever]

I think you need to take a stand, and tell her the problem is not with you, but with her abnormal jealousy/insecurity issues. I think you must insist that your behaviour, with regard to porn, is perfectly normal, and that you need her to give you some space in that regard. I would tell her that as far as disrespect is concerned, she is being disrespectful to you, and not the other way around.

I agree with others that you can't tolerate this sort of behaviour, and if she does not agree to get help, I would suggest ending the relationship. Life is too short to put up with this sort of thing.

[GoinAllTheWay]

Once crazy, ALWAYS crazy. If you are having this much issue with a girl you aren't even living with, run while the running is good.

One of my buddies wound up hooking up with this chick that was reall quite nice at first. Then the odd jealousy stuff started up, we all saw it, he didn't. They got engaged despite our protest. On the night of his stag, we were out at the bar and SHE FREAKIN SHOWS UP!! Who the hell does that? So we, in our druken stupor, tore a bit of a strip out of her. A few years later when he finally came to his senses and divorced her crazy a$$, she phoned him up and stated she was going to kill each and every one of his friends, listing us off by name. Left this on his VM of all things. Needless to say, a copy of this message was sent to the cops.

Trust me man, this road you are on will not end well.

[1stLand]

Dump the **tch.

[DuffMan]

pics of gf?

[Coach]

Yeah i would say cut her loose too. Maybe try to get to the root of the problem, but there's no guarantee that getting that out will make it better, and may actually make it worse.

Either way, you're just going to have to keep proving to her why she should trust you, and it's just not time well spent. It gets really tiresome having to explain every little detail about what you do/whatyousay/whay you meant when you said that/ wait....is this different from any other girl? :P

Seriously though, probably best to end it.

[pylon]

I have been through a lot of women in my life, and I can tell you that a jealous/suspicious woman will ruin your life. Period. Explanation Point.

Run. Cut your losses, whatever you have to do. Even if it costs you some money now. Even if she gives the best BJ's on the face of the earth, nothing is worth sacrificing your freedom to appease to someone who is mentally imbalanced, because one day the BJ's will stop. And then you will be looking ahead to years and years of misery.

[pylon]

To add. The girl I am dating now, suggests pron I should watch that she finds hot.

That is more normal / acceptable in this day and age, than what you managed to fall into.

[DownhillGoat]

If that fails, start downloading animals having sex
You mean with people, right?

[flamesfever]

A method which is used in cases of mental illness, is the "I method". For example, "I feel extremely annoyed and upset when you accuse me of looking with lust at other girls, and I need you to stop trying to lay guilt on me, and give me some space. This method addresses your concerns, and reduces her inclination to attack you, as you can't help how you feel.

[Flabbibulin]

Plenty of girls watch porn with their husbands/boyfriend, but anyone been with a girl that watched it by herself?? That would be something.

[comrade]

You mean with people, right?

Does that make it bettter?

[Traditional_Ale]

She is projecting the worst of herself onto you, for no valid reason other than she knows what she is capable of and assumes you would do the same.

Run for your life.

[Street Pharmacist]

Plenty of girls watch porn with their husbands/boyfriend, but anyone been with a girl that watched it by herself?? That would be something.

Yes

[pylon]

Yes

x 2.

[lazypucker]

I am suggesting a different approach:

Just keep upping the ante with what you are doing and see how mad she will get. I think it will make good entertainment...

[Daradon]

Plenty of girls watch porn with their husbands/boyfriend, but anyone been with a girl that watched it by herself?? That would be something.

A dated one who had a bit of a fetish with it. She'd often send me nude pics off the web of women she found attractive.

All the girls that I have known that liked porn (enough to watch it by themselves for more than just curiosity) have been bisexual though. I guess they get even more out of it than I do, haha!

In some ways, I really really miss that girl...

With the five serious relationships I've had I had one that outright hated porn, saw it as damaging socially and personally, one that didn't care for it, but really had no bad feelings towards it, one that was open to watching with me to spice things up, one that liked it and occasionally watched it on her own as well as with me, and one that REALLY liked it, as much as many guys do.

I guess that covers the gamut.

[pylon]

A dated one who had a bit of a fetish with it. She'd often send me nude pics off the web of women she found attractive.

All the girls that I have known that liked porn (enough to watch it by themselves for more than just curiosity) have been bisexual though. I guess they get even more out of it than I do, haha!

In some ways, I really really miss that girl...

With the five serious relationships I've had I had one that outright hated porn, saw it as damaging socially and personally, one that didn't care for it, but really had no bad feelings towards it, one that was open to watching with me to spice things up, one that liked it and occasionally watched it on her own as well as with me, and one that REALLY liked it, as much as many guys do.

I guess that covers the gamut.

I am of the opinion all women are bi-sexual to a certain degree. I have yet to meet a woman that doesn't get turned on by girl on girl porn. I have been with two straight women that eventually tried girl on girl because of all the lesbo porn I made them watch. Women are just a sexual to women as they are to most men. Women will point out how sexy/hot another woman looks, or how nice she smells etc. Women are sexy to both sexes. Straight men just aren't programmed that way for some reason.

[DuffMan]

could ffp204 be a girl? now, that's hot.

[BigBrodieFan]

Sounds like she is pretty young, or maybe she was raised Catholic or in a puritan sort of religion where sex is looked upon as dirty. If I were you, I'd ask her to join you in watching a good porn movie (I assume you're having sex), and see what she thinks. If she is totally close minded about it, get rid of her. Life is way too short to have a partner who is close minded when it comes to new ways to have sex.

If I found my hubby watching porn, I wouldn't be upset that he was watching it, but more upset that he didn't ask me to join him. See my point? It won't hurt to ask. It's the perfect time in fact. You don't want to be living with or married to someone who is going to inflict guilt upon you for normal sexual desires. That's no way to live, not healthy for you or her.

Good luck!

[Daradon]

I am of the opinion all women are bi-sexual to a certain degree. I have yet to meet a woman that doesn't get turned on by girl on girl porn. I have been with two straight women that eventually tried girl on girl because of all the lesbo porn I made them watch. Women are just a sexual to women as they are to most men. Women will point out how sexy/hot another woman looks, or how nice she smells etc. Women are sexy to both sexes. Straight men just aren't programmed that way for some reason.

I've met a few, though it's often tied to strict religious beliefs. Actually, that's not entirely true, I met a few that just didn't.

I will agree it's definitely more of a spectrum than guys though, which are usually yay or nay on the issue.

[handgroen]

that batch won't watch the katy perry movie with you?
can't be too hard to ditch the beard.
http://25.media.tumblr.com/eb3e6d65f2a80b70630ce937d91e34fc/tumblr_mfx01ugCrn1qafimoo1_500.gif

[octothorp]

Some women (and guys too, for that matter) are going to be more or less insecure than others, and I don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with someone who's insecure. It's that in your girlfriend's case, the insecurity manifests itself in screaming and accusations. I'd say that dealing with issues by escalating conflict is an extreme warning sign; I've been in that sort of relationship where I (very much a low-conflict personality) was dating someone who felt that conflict was the natural way of dealing with things. I ended up in the business of appeasement on a daily basis, and I was generally miserable. Once I got out of the relationship, I could only shake my head that I put up with it for as long as I did.

If this is a woman who's generally insecure but usually deals with it well, but for whatever reason reached her breaking point over Katy Perry, that's one thing; but if this is typically how she deals with issues in your relationship and you feel like you're constantly walking on eggshells, then it's a serious problem and a situation that I'd try to get out of.

[DuffMan]

the good news is, crazy girls are the best at sex.

[troutman]

I am of the opinion all women are bi-sexual to a certain degree.

I understand there is a line of thought that all people are naturally bi-sexual (some more than others), and complete hetero-sexuality is to some extent learned or cultural behavior.

IIRC, European explorers encountered some native cultures that were more bi-sexual. There are plenty of examples in the animal kingdom too.

[DuffMan]

I understand there is a line of thought that all people are naturally bi-sexual (some more than others), and complete hetero-sexuality is to some extent learned or cultural behavior.

IIRC, European explorers encountered some native cultures that were more bi-sexual. There are plenty of examples in the animal kingdom too.

We are all descendents of the bonobo monkey/ape/chimpanzee.

[ffp204]

Some good info here, always helps to stand back at times and get a fresh perspective. Thanks guys.

After she yelled at me I told her to get the f out but stayed calm to avoid a huge fight. I allowed a very lengthy cooling off period and was disappointed to hear that she was still harping on the "lusting" after singers and actresses. It sounded like religious babble and it took all my will power to not laugh.

Anyways, she's still adamant that I am disrespecting her if I watch anything for the sole purpose of "lusting" after another woman. I'm a real ahole for not changing my behavior if it hurts her, etcc.

I've only been patient this long because I know everyone has their own reality and what is of huge importance to one person is meaningless to another. But this is over the top. The writing is on the wall, I know what I have to do. Real shame because she's a sweet girl, incredibly beautiful and has the best intentions.

[undercoverbrother]

Some good info here, always helps to stand back at times and get a fresh perspective. Thanks guys.

After she yelled at me I told her to get the f out but stayed calm to avoid a huge fight. I allowed a very lengthy cooling off period and was disappointed to hear that she was still harping on the "lusting" after singers and actresses. It sounded like religious babble and it took all my will power to not laugh.

Anyways, she's still adamant that I am disrespecting her if I watch anything for the sole purpose of "lusting" after another woman. I'm a real ahole for not changing my behavior if it hurts her, etcc.

I've only been patient this long because I know everyone has their own reality and what is of huge importance to one person is meaningless to another. But this is over the top. The writing is on the wall, I know what I have to do. Real shame because she's a sweet girl, incredibly beautiful and has the best intentions.

Ensure you are masturbating next time you speak to her.

[squiggs96]

A dated one who had a bit of a fetish with it. She'd often send me nude pics off the web of women she found attractive.



I finally understand why your custom user title says 'Has lived the dream!'

[ffp204]

Almost forgot the best part.

She's seeing a counselor who reportedly agrees with her 100%. Even if a partner does not agree with something they should stop that behavior if it's hurting the person they love. This counselor is apparently a man. So yeah, I'm in the wrong, what I'm doing is terrible and need to stop.

[undercoverbrother]

I finally understand why your custom user title says 'Has lived the dream!'


but the tip of the ice berg.......in my humble opinion....

[undercoverbrother]

Almost forgot the best part.

She's seeing a counselor who reportedly agrees with her 100%. Even if a partner does not agree with something they should stop that behavior if it's hurting the person they love. This counselor is apparently a man. So yeah, I'm in the wrong, what I'm doing is terrible and need to stop.

You know he is bending her over that couch, right?

[Reaper]

Almost forgot the best part.

She's seeing a counselor who reportedly agrees with her 100%. Even if a partner does not agree with something they should stop that behavior if it's hurting the person they love. This counselor is apparently a man. So yeah, I'm in the wrong, what I'm doing is terrible and need to stop.WTF, either this is a religious based counselor or he is trying to get in her pants.

[Daradon]

I understand there is a line of thought that all people are naturally bi-sexual (some more than others), and complete hetero-sexuality is to some extent learned or cultural behavior.

IIRC, European explorers encountered some native cultures that were more bi-sexual. There are plenty of examples in the animal kingdom too.

Yeah I've heard that too.

[OutOfTheCube]

My gf (now my wife) put on the Playboy mansion reality show that had topless Playboy models running around. And is setting the PVR for the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. No complaints...

[pylon]

I think easy, anonymous access to online pron actually helps relationships. You can find relief from pretty much any ridiculous fetish you might have that you are not getting access to at home, without having to seek it out IRL and commit adultery.

I think her views on this might be a little backwards, in todays day and age.

[Daradon]

I think easy, anonymous access to online pron actually helps relationships. You can find relief from pretty much any ridiculous fetish you might have that you are not getting access to at home, without having to seek it out IRL and commit adultery.

I think her views on this might be a little backwards, in todays day and age.

Hmmm, I could see that going both ways. If you're keeping too much from your partner it's not good for either of you. Also, access to online material could encourage cheating and in some respects may be cheating as well.

I get what your saying if it's more of a lingering curiosity, or something that one doesn't spend too much time doing, but there are so many stories of things like this becoming an obsession too. Which does seem to happen more when you're trying to keep it hidden.

As for this specific case, there's obviously some unwarranted jealousy problems, but in many other cases, hiding sexual things on the internet isn't very healthy.

The best thing would be to find someone who you are compatible with sexually, whether you're vanilla or kinky. Yes, that can be difficult, but so is finding a person with similar interests or goals in other things.

[DownhillGoat]

Does that make it bettter?
It would make the reaction by the GF better, I would assume.

[To Be Quite Honest]

You need to look at it in the prospective of how you want to be treated. Correct her behavior and if it's something that can't be corrected then move on. Her issue is hers alone and sometimes pointing out the issues she is having sets a new perspective. Find some reading material that supports the situation and give it to her to read.

[Rathji]

I understand there is a line of thought that all people are naturally bi-sexual (some more than others), and complete hetero-sexuality is to some extent learned or cultural behavior.

IIRC, European explorers encountered some native cultures that were more bi-sexual. There are plenty of examples in the animal kingdom too.

Kinsey's research indicated that all people fall in a scale from straight to gay. Very few people were at the extremes.

[BigBrodieFan]

Kinsey's research indicated that all people fall in a scale from straight to gay. Very few people were at the extremes.

So much really depends on outside influences and culture when it comes to 'labeling.'

In Southern Missouri, a guy is gay if he puts gel in his hair. In Southern Missouri, a woman who wears plaid shirts and has a mullet might be the town's beauty queen, but in Overland Park KS, some might label her as 'butch' or gay.

Nature vs nurture, societal preconceptions, etc. all contribute to labeling, but gay vs straight is very subjective.

My point- the therapist that says she is 'right'- do you know this for sure? She is telling you her therapist is saying that she is 100% correct to reinforce her insecurities? I don't know of any licensed therapist who would have any sort of clientele by being so biased and not even meeting the other party involved. My guess is that's BS, and she is just reinforcing her insecurities.

If you really like her, make a compromise. Tell her you'll stop watching porn alone as long as she starts to watch with you, or even take her to an adult shop and get her a BOB- she might need to relax a bit.

[Dion]

The number one reason so many relationships come to an end is not because one spouse cheats, one partner is abusive or overly jealous, or not even because one individual is disappointed with the other's behavior. Rather, it's because of the destructive behavior rooted in insecurity .

If one's self-doubt is the root of so many problems within a relationship, then why is it that most people close their eyes to it? The fact of the matter is that most people don't simply choose to ignore it; they just don't recognize that their feelings of insecurity cause their irrational behavior. Instead, they focus their attention on the behavior rather than the emotion driving the behavior.

For example, you might think that your girlfriend acts selfishly when she forbids you from attending your friend's birthday party, but in reality, she has nothing against your friends — she's just afraid that you might meet another woman.

Instead of addressing the problem right away, she'll ultimately assume the worst, refuse to communicate about the issue, and will choose to remain silent rather than resolve any issues regarding her insecurity. Problem is, by the time she decides to start talking, it'll be too late and chances are one of you will detonate in the other's face. And before you know it, you'll find yourself in a very unhealthy relationship.

http://ca.askmen.com/dating/curtsmith_60/64b_dating_advice.html

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ky1hrwMw5k1qagjw8o1_500.jpg

[Rathji]

So much really depends on outside influences and culture when it comes to 'labeling.'

In Southern Missouri, a guy is gay if he puts gel in his hair. In Southern Missouri, a woman who wears plaid shirts and has a mullet might be the town's beauty queen, but in Overland Park KS, some might label her as 'butch' or gay.

Nature vs nurture, societal preconceptions, etc. all contribute to labeling, but gay vs straight is very subjective.

Kinsey's research has nothing to do with labeling, it has to do with what people do sexually or what they fantasize about.

[4X4]

Filter test: bitch

[4X4]

Ok, that's confirmed. Please never again use 'batch' in the place of bitch.

[handgroen]

Ok, that's confirmed. Please never again use 'batch' in the place of bitch.

oh go on you old poop!

http://veryaware.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/Funke-e1368734322470.jpg

[RedMileDJ]

She yelled at you? Why don't you just "ROAR" right back at her?

CevxZvSJLk8


But serious, GTFO. ;)

[Pizza]

Posting under another username becuase this is some embarrassing ####.

Hold on a sec...nobody has a problem with this?
Hello secondary CP accounts!

[Chingas]

After reading the OP I was half excited thinking that there was a Katy Perry sex tape that I wasn't aware of. Unfortunately all of this talk is about a regular movie and my interest has definitely dropped off.

To the op good luck with the misses, and I also wish you well in your journey to find better spank videos than what you have been using up until today.

[evman150]

Kinsey's research indicated that all people fall in a scale from straight to gay. Very few people were at the extremes.

Half the world was gay according to Kinsey - that's cause his whole sample size was pedos and prison rapists.

[Rathji]

Half the world was gay according to Kinsey - that's cause his whole sample size was pedos and prison rapists.

You have anything to back that up?

[SportsJunky]

I understand there is a line of thought that all people are naturally bi-sexual (some more than others), and complete hetero-sexuality is to some extent learned or cultural behavior.

IIRC, European explorers encountered some native cultures that were more bi-sexual. There are plenty of examples in the animal kingdom too.
How YOU doin'?

[evman150]

You have anything to back that up?

It's no secret his data/sample were dubious at best.

[undercoverbrother]

It's no secret his data/sample were dubious at best.



Not sure that really answered his question.

[Rathji]

It's no secret his data/sample were dubious at best.

It must have been a secret from me, which is why I am asking where you got this information, so I could see for myself.

[evman150]

It must have been a secret from me, which is why I am asking where you got this information, so I could see for myself.

I assumed you were being obtuse. Here's a decent overview:

http://www.boxturtlebulletin.com/Articles/000,024.htm

[Rathji]

I assumed you were being obtuse. Here's a decent overview:

http://www.boxturtlebulletin.com/Articles/000,024.htm

That article doesn't really touch on the point I was making, which is that many people are somewhere in the middle of that scale (from 0 to 6) and not at either extreme.

Unless you want to argue that because the sampling was opportunistic, the entire study is invalid.

[Locke]

Hold on a sec...nobody has a problem with this?
Hello secondary CP accounts!

Its a potentially touchy subject, and, who knows, maybe his SO is also on CP. Its not like hes using it to troll or do anything negative.

Half the world was gay according to Kinsey - that's cause his whole sample size was pedos and prison rapists.

Yeah....and? What kind of magical fairly tale and do you live in that isnt all rapists and pedos?

[Rathji]

Its a potentially touchy subject, and, who knows, maybe his SO is also on CP. Its not like hes using it to troll or do anything negative.


Because there are likely dozen's of us who have downloaded Katie Perry's new video and been chastised by our girlfriends, so she wouldn't be sure it was her boyfriend.

edit: Ok, so I just watched that Roar video and it isn't that bad. +1 for Leopard print...

[Locke]

Because there are likely dozen's of us who have downloaded Katie Perry's new video and been chastised by our girlfriends...

I threw it up there as a possibility. Unlikely, but possible.;)

[GreenLantern2814]

Your issue has probably long since been solved in this thread, but break up with her dude. You deserve better. You will find better. Rub one out and get on with your life, a girl this possessive can't be THAT good in bed that it's worth putting up with this sort of behaviour.

This is the type of person who'll cut your schlong off and put it in a garbage disposal. Or she'll put rat poison in your tea.

You'll be way happier when this woman is out of your life. The hardest part will be not sleeping with her again, and I can't stress enough how much you cannot do that. Unless you think you can get to her before she flicks the on switch.

[prarieboy]

To the OP

Sit down with your girl and discuss the obvious singing talent Alizee has to offer

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCz8R25hlFI

She doesn't wear too much makeup.

[GirlySports]

watch korean girl bands.. if she thinks you like Asian girls and not her, you can label her a racist too.