Wedding Emcee advice

[Maritime Q-Scout]

I know I started a thread a few months ago on this topic, however now that the big day is almost upon me, just looking for any wedding/marriage jokes, advice on emceeing a wedding.

I fully expect a GONG show... just don't tell the bride or groom that :P

[killer_carlson]

if the mike is cordless and doesn't give you feedback if you walk around, start doing things like walking into the kitchen for a live interview of the cooking staff. Say you were inspired by the CBC ... and blame it on the booze afterwards. Especially if you have to go into a second room. Say things like:

"what's that? huh.....no, I haven't seen your bandaid"

or

"that was delicious. Any comments on the meal?" (then in a different voice say) "If you liked that, you should have seen what I really could have done if the groom wasn't such a cheapskate!"

[Maritime Q-Scout]

Originally posted by killer_carlson@Oct 17 2005, 10:55 PM
if the mike is cordless and doesn't give you feedback if you walk around, start doing things like walking into the kitchen for a live interview of the cooking staff. Say you were inspired by the CBC ... and blame it on the booze afterwards. Especially if you have to go into a second room. Say things like:

"what's that? huh.....no, I haven't seen your bandaid"

or

"that was delicious. Any comments on the meal?" (then in a different voice say) "If you liked that, you should have seen what I really could have done if the groom wasn't such a cheapskate!"

Jon with a cordless mic is freakin' DANGEROUS


I'm praying they do!

[Prototype]

I justs did my first one back in September.

- You're going to be nervous. Don't kid yourself. Expect it, and run with it.

- BIG FONT FOR YOUR SPEECH, I learned the hard way.

- One of the things that was a hit at the wedding I did with a co-MC was a little game. Set up two chairs in front of the head table. Get the Bride and Groom to sit back to back, and give the other one if their shoes. Ask questions like "who will do the dishes" "who will change the diapers" etc. Each participant raises the shoe of the one they believe to be correct, without looking at their partner's answer. My personal favorite question was "who will fall asleep first tonight".

- Remember, it isn't your show. You're just a tool to move along all the required speeches. To be successful, the less you look like that tool, the better you'll come out. Relax, have fun with it, and understand that 99% of wedding jokes are lame, and will bomb. Good luck finding the right mix.

- Other than that, make yourself comfortable... not drunk... comfortable.

Good luck man. It's quite the honor to be up there with them on their big day, and to be asked to take on such a responsibility. Do it the honor it deserves.

[Frank the Tank]

My favourite line ever was from my best friend Mike at my wedding. He starts out with this gem:

"Being asked to be the emcee of a wedding is a lot like being asked to make love to the Queen Mother...." ....dead silence in the room....... "It's a great honour but you really wish somebody else would do it."

People were crying they were laughing so hard.

[North East Goon]

Are you a portly fellow? Fatter guy's always get a good laugh with the old now for my favourite part of the night...Dinner. Then now for my favourite part of the night...Dessert. Quoting Dumb and Dumber is alway's good. Try this one Well (insert grooms name here) just when I thought you couldnt get any more stupid, you go and do something like this...and totally redeem yourself!

[Antithesis]

I'll agree with Prototype and Frank on this one, some low-key jokes are going to be the way to go. Leave the nyuk-nyuks and attention-grabbers to the wedding party doing the speeches.

That Queen Mother crack was a real good one. I could definitely see how that'd go over well.

[Maritime Q-Scout]

alas with 3762 registered users on this board, I would dare say I'd make a strong bid for the skinniest... ergo "Portly" isn't exactly how I'd describe myself

Queen Mum joke is great

I like the goom "Just when I thought you couldn't get any stupider"


I realize it's their wedding, and their but... in the words of BOTH the bride and groom "ummm yeah, you have three hours to kill, no speeches, make'em laugh til they cry, have fun"

I'll put a nice toast/speech in for them.

I got a message on MSN last night saying they put together a bit of a schedule (thank bejebus)

Also no dinner cocktail and booze only

I appreciate the help. I love bad jokes, LOVE them. Like you have no idea, so something like "why does the bride wear white? So the dishwasher will match the fridge and stove" make me fall on the floor every time, the worse the joke the better. I love hearing the groan. So I have no problem working them in.

Should be fun.

Bachelor's party is here in Halifax Friday night as well... anyone know where I can get some strippers?

[the crispy badger]

Originally posted by Maritime Q-Scout@Oct 18 2005, 07:31 AM
alas with 3762 registered users on this board, I would dare say I'd make a strong bid for the skinniest... ergo "Portly" isn't exactly how I'd describe myself#

Queen Mum joke is great

I like the goom "Just when I thought you couldn't get any stupider"


I realize it's their wedding, and their but... in the words of BOTH the bride and groom "ummm yeah, you have three hours to kill, no speeches, make'em laugh til they cry, have fun"

I'll put a nice toast/speech in for them.

I got a message on MSN last night saying they put together a bit of a schedule (thank bejebus)

Also no dinner cocktail and booze only

I appreciate the help.# I love bad jokes, LOVE them.# Like you have no idea, so something like "why does the bride wear white?# So the dishwasher will match the fridge and stove" make me fall on the floor every time, the worse the joke the better.# I love hearing the groan.# So I have no problem working them in.

Should be fun.

Bachelor's party is here in Halifax Friday night as well... anyone know where I can get some strippers?

i'll loan you my sisters maritime..2 teeth or 4?

[loob job]

I was mc at my buddy's wedding last year and this is how i started it off.....set it up with one of your buddy's before you go up, tell him to give you his car keys. Then go up to the mic, welcome everyone and tell them "before we get started i've been informed by the hall staff that there's a vehicle in the parking lot that has left their keys in the drivers side door and their lights on, if you own a red 82 gremlin with a whitesnake t-shirt on the front seat, a long live winger (or any other 80's hairband) sticker on the back windshield, flourescent pink dice hanging from the mirror and a whip and handcuffs in the backseat please come up and pick up your keys. Then your buddy on cue walks from the back of the hall all the way past everyone and shakes your hand, thanks you and walks all the way to the farthest exit and leaves the hall, people were on the floor laughing so hard as the whole key is the guy leaving the hall........it's absolute gold, and you can substitute anything else in that story for your own group.

[Maritime Q-Scout]

Originally posted by loob job@Oct 18 2005, 11:57 AM
I was mc at my buddy's wedding last year and this is how i started it off.....set it up with one of your buddy's before you go up, tell him to give you his car keys. Then go up to the mic, welcome everyone and tell them "before we get started i've been informed by the hall staff that there's a vehicle in the parking lot that has left their keys in the drivers side door and their lights on, if you own a red 82 gremlin with a whitesnake t-shirt on the front seat, a long live winger (or any other 80's hairband) sticker on the back windshield, flourescent pink dice hanging from the mirror and a whip and handcuffs in the backseat please come up and pick up your keys. Then your buddy on cue walks from the back of the hall all the way past everyone and shakes your hand, thanks you and walks all the way to the farthest exit and leaves the hall, people were on the floor laughing so hard as the whole key is the guy leaving the hall........it's absolute gold, and you can substitute anything else in that story for your own group.

I'm gonna do something similar

have you heard of giving out keys to the girls in the audience then on queue say soemthing like "Now that the groom is married, and I think we ALL KNOW his ways with the ladies, so if there's any girls that have one of his house keys, I think now's the time to turn it in"

then you have a long line girls put a key up in a jar or on the table, should be a good laugh

BUT THEN

"in this time, year 2005, our society has progressed, and is more open minded. With the passing of Bill C-38, I guess that we should respect, and recoginze everyone equally. That said... if there's any GUYS that have a key to the groom's house... I suppose now would be the time to give it back"

Then have ONE guy walk up slowly, head down, return the key, give him a kiss on the cheek (or pretend to on the lips) then walk back.

[JBR]

Originally posted by Prottotype@Oct 17 2005, 09:21 PM
I justs did my first one back in September.

- You're going to be nervous. Don't kid yourself. Expect it, and run with it.

- BIG FONT FOR YOUR SPEECH, I learned the hard way.

- One of the things that was a hit at the wedding I did with a co-MC was a little game. Set up two chairs in front of the head table. Get the Bride and Groom to sit back to back, and give the other one if their shoes. Ask questions like "who will do the dishes" "who will change the diapers" etc. Each participant raises the shoe of the one they believe to be correct, without looking at their partner's answer. My personal favorite question was "who will fall asleep first tonight".

I was also at a wedding with co-MC's that did this bit. Maybe it was the same wedding. It was hilarious. The one I saw finished with..

"OK last question. How many kids will you have?" The bride raised 2 shoes. I don't remember how many the groom raised but the MC answered..

"8 kids (groom's name)!!! That's ambitious!!"

The bride almost crapped her pants, dress etc.


Here's a few more great lines.

On wedding gifts. "The groom would like to remind all guests not to present the bride with a wristwatch as a gift. THERE'S A CLOCK ON THE STOVE!!"

If you fumble any lines etc. "I don't know why I'm so nervous, I'm not the one with the shotgun pointed at him!"

Have fun!

[FacePaint]

If you want some horrible jokes that seem to work I've been part of a few:

- This is an emotional time for everyone... even the cakes in tears.

- Bride put her hand on table. Groom but your hand over hers. Now enjoy this moment (to the groom) because it's the last time you're going to get the upper hand.

- Introduce how the groom seemed so nervous, but you were very suprised when you walked into the bathroom at the church and found this in the toilet (hold up a brick)

- I think the funniest ones are things you make up yourself though.

[SoulOfTheFlame]

I was MC at my friend's wedding 4 weeks ago. I killed, but this joke especially brought the house down:

When Matty asked me to give a speech at his wedding, I told him I’d give him the most uncomfortable 5-minutes of his life… For the record, the most uncomfortable 5-minutes of Megan’s life will be coming later this evening - courtesy of Matty.

[Incogneto]

I am MC'ing a wedding in a couple weeks....any new jokes to add to this list of gems?

TIA

[Bill Bumface]

Same here... just under two weeks now. Eek!

[Iowa_Flames_Fan]

Originally Posted by InCoGnEtO

I am MC'ing a wedding in a couple weeks....any new jokes to add to this list of gems?

TIA

I've MC'd two weddings now--and for me, the key has been making the jokes/speeches/introductions/segues, etc. as personal as possible. A few one liners are great (the one about the Queen Mum is GOLD! ) but you have to know when to stop--the best MCs are people who know a lot of people there and can interact with the audience. Be funny--but comfortable.

Also--I would keep in mind that some people can be offended at the more off-colour jokes. Be sure to know your audience. But they picked you for a reason--my guess is you'll be awesome.

[pope04]

As a wedding photographer for 15 years, I attended my share of receptions. One of the best quips came from an MC who read a telegram-type greeting from the groom's old football coach:

"We tried Joe at centre, guard, tackle, linebacker and end. Nicole, to make a long story short, he's really lousy in all positions."

[Azim]

I've MC'd a few weddings, and also done a few non-wedding related events. The key is to just be yourself. Usually the off the cup, non-scripted jokes work best. Some of the jokes above are gems, but I probably couldn't get away with the sexual in nature jokes at most of the ones I've done, because the crowds have tended to be more conservative in nature/family oriented/south asian/muslim events. But if you know people in the crowd in addition to the groom, and its someone a lot of people may know, making fun of them or putting them in the spotlight always works. For instance, you announce that the Groom's portly brother is set to do an elaborate dance performance, and have the hall/hotel to put the spot lights on him.


Azim

[Clarkey]

Don't be long-winded like your posts on calgary puck. Just joking, you said you're comfortable with public speaking so you've got half of it down right there.