Tell me about being a Dad...

[indes]

My 1 year old cannot get enough of outside, all he wants to do is walk around in the yard and go up and down all the deck stairs! It's awesome that he loves being outside, but it sure is a job following him around and around the yard. Also does he ever throw a tantrum every time we go back inside!

[Hockeyguy15]

4 month old sleep regression is real. My wife and I have been sleeping in a chair a lot lately, seems it's the only way to make him sleep longer than 1.5-2 hours at a time. She's feeding him right now since he won't take a bottle, so I'm debating if I go to sleep in the bed now or just wait for the inevitable chair after the feed.

[CroFlames]

Well boys I only got 1.5 months left till my first is born.

I'm not freaking out per se, but everytime I think about it, I get that nervous feeling in my chest like I'm about to do public speaking. Any calming tips?

[sketchyt]

Originally Posted by CroFlames

Well boys I only got 1.5 months left till my first is born.

I'm not freaking out per se, but everytime I think about it, I get that nervous feeling in my chest like I'm about to do public speaking. Any calming tips?

Honestly, I think it's fine to feel that way. It's a positive thing... mostly because it sounds like you'll be a good parent. Otherwise, you wouldn't care that much.

[Maritime Q-Scout]

Originally Posted by CroFlames

Well boys I only got 1.5 months left till my first is born.

I'm not freaking out per se, but everytime I think about it, I get that nervous feeling in my chest like I'm about to do public speaking. Any calming tips?

Take a breath, then pick three objects in the room, one on the left side, one on the right side, and one at the back in the middle. Talk calmly but clearly to those three objects, rotating between them. It will simulate eye contact with the audience. Remember that no one knows what you're going to say, therefore whatever you say is exactly what you meant to say, so you can't screw it up.

Smile. Even a fake smile will do wonders.

No one's going to heckle you, no one's going to drill questions at you, just say your piece.

Sometimes a drink helps, but really you should only do that if you're experienced in public speaking as the adrenaline will keep suppress the effects of alcohol causing you to drink more and then suddenly you go from sober to drunk.

Hope that helps


Seriously though, nothing to worry about. Just do you. Don't focus on what other parents are doing, don't worry about the books, be a good person, change the diapers, hold them as much as you can, play and talk to them. It's great, it really is. It's only been 5 1/2 months for me and I can't imagine life without my little guy.

[OutOfTheCube]

It's also definitely not as crazy as you think it's going to be, especially on the first. You'll find you get home, feed the baby, and when they pass out you kind of look at your wife and go "So... I guess we'll watch TV for a couple hours?"

Second is a bit of a different story. I'm so busy with our older son, and trying to keep things tidy and run errands for my wife that some days I don't even hold our new baby until 8 or 9 at night, haha.

[Russic]

Originally Posted by CroFlames

Well boys I only got 1.5 months left till my first is born.

I'm not freaking out per se, but everytime I think about it, I get that nervous feeling in my chest like I'm about to do public speaking. Any calming tips?

Sounds pretty normal with such a big change on the horizon. With my first one my anxiety came largely from the feeling that I had no idea what I was doing. With it being a bit of a 24/7 job, I was surprised how quickly I got the hang of things. Once I did, that anxiety lessened to a degree and was quickly replaced with other anxieties.

[manwiches]

It's surprising how many people say this, and how cliche it might seem, but really really REALLY cherish them when they are little and not as independent. As much as I love my 3.5 year old boy running around, talking to him, and starting to show interest in things I like, those first 2 years, are forever etched in mind. I miss my son when i could cuddle with him at will, hold him endlessly, and unhindered pampering. While my son is still a cuddle monster now, his toddler mind can only handle so much smothering. lol

[_Q_]

Originally Posted by CroFlames

Well boys I only got 1.5 months left till my first is born.

I'm not freaking out per se, but everytime I think about it, I get that nervous feeling in my chest like I'm about to do public speaking. Any calming tips?

I've been a dad now for just over three months.

Honestly, it's not that big of a deal. I think we all have it in us to be great parents. Just be yourself and mould your child in whatever way you please.

There is a lot of money to be made through our fears. Our fear that we will be bad parents if we don't read a certain book or buy a certain product is strong in our society. Most of it is BS.

[snootchiebootchies]

I'm about 5 years in being a dad and the most stressful part of it all is still being in that delivery room. All the tips and tricks they teach you about comforting your wife through labour (massages, back rubs) did not work for us. My wife pretty much wanted me to leave her alone so I felt pretty useless. And there were complications with our first birth (umbilical cord wrapped around my daughter's neck) and at one point during the long labour and delivery, there were 14 people in our delivery room and you can tell by the way they were talking that emergency procedures may be necessary. Everything turned out to be fine but the tension and stress in that room was so unbearable.

During our second birth, we were sitting in triage while the nurses were deciding whether or not to admit us. The triage room at Foothills was just one large room with beds curtained off from one another. We could hear (but could not see them) a couple in the bed next to us being told their baby was stillborn. The cries and howls that ensued were so terrible and sad. Each time the nurse came back, the father would ask her to check the fetus for vital signs again, hoping for some kind of miracle. That incident haunted me for the entire birth of my son and I felt incredibly stressed again in the delivery room (which turned out to be a very smooth delivery compared to our first).

A year or so ago, my wife thought she was pregnant again. The first thought that popped in my head was not the joy and challenges of having a third child. Instead, the first thing that popped in my head was the dread of being in the delivery room again.

Not sure if anybody else have had similar stressful experience in the delivery room. I think the fact you're standing by being completely useless while your wife is in so much discomfort and pain makes the stress so much more acute. Sure, you can give your wife encouragement and remind her to breathe deep breaths and give her ice cubes to chew on but really, a dad is pretty useless in that delivery room.

[Zulu29]

Originally Posted by snootchiebootchies

I'm about 5 years in being a dad and the most stressful part of it all is still being in that delivery room. All the tips and tricks they teach you about comforting your wife through labour (massages, back rubs) did not work for us. My wife pretty much wanted me to leave her alone so I felt pretty useless. And there were complications with our first birth (umbilical cord wrapped around my daughter's neck) and at one point during the long labour and delivery, there were 14 people in our delivery room and you can tell by the way they were talking that emergency procedures may be necessary. Everything turned out to be fine but the tension and stress in that room was so unbearable.

During our second birth, we were sitting in triage while the nurses were deciding whether or not to admit us. The triage room at Foothills was just one large room with beds curtained off from one another. We could hear (but could not see them) a couple in the bed next to us being told their baby was stillborn. The cries and howls that ensued were so terrible and sad. Each time the nurse came back, the father would ask her to check the fetus for vital signs again, hoping for some kind of miracle. That incident haunted me for the entire birth of my son and I felt incredibly stressed again in the delivery room (which turned out to be a very smooth delivery compared to our first).

A year or so ago, my wife thought she was pregnant again. The first thought that popped in my head was not the joy and challenges of having a third child. Instead, the first thing that popped in my head was the dread of being in the delivery room again.

Not sure if anybody else have had similar stressful experience in the delivery room. I think the fact you're standing by being completely useless while your wife is in so much discomfort and pain makes the stress so much more acute. Sure, you can give your wife encouragement and remind her to breathe deep breaths and give her ice cubes to chew on but really, a dad is pretty useless in that delivery room.

Wow...you hit so many points i had thought of. I guess all I'd add is take the initiave. I'm proud that I gave my daughter her first bath and changed her first diaper. It's the little things you do initially that will make you tear up later...

[CroFlames]

Originally Posted by snootchiebootchies

I'm about 5 years in being a dad and the most stressful part of it all is still being in that delivery room. All the tips and tricks they teach you about comforting your wife through labour (massages, back rubs) did not work for us. My wife pretty much wanted me to leave her alone so I felt pretty useless. And there were complications with our first birth (umbilical cord wrapped around my daughter's neck) and at one point during the long labour and delivery, there were 14 people in our delivery room and you can tell by the way they were talking that emergency procedures may be necessary. Everything turned out to be fine but the tension and stress in that room was so unbearable.

During our second birth, we were sitting in triage while the nurses were deciding whether or not to admit us. The triage room at Foothills was just one large room with beds curtained off from one another. We could hear (but could not see them) a couple in the bed next to us being told their baby was stillborn. The cries and howls that ensued were so terrible and sad. Each time the nurse came back, the father would ask her to check the fetus for vital signs again, hoping for some kind of miracle. That incident haunted me for the entire birth of my son and I felt incredibly stressed again in the delivery room (which turned out to be a very smooth delivery compared to our first).

A year or so ago, my wife thought she was pregnant again. The first thought that popped in my head was not the joy and challenges of having a third child. Instead, the first thing that popped in my head was the dread of being in the delivery room again.

Not sure if anybody else have had similar stressful experience in the delivery room. I think the fact you're standing by being completely useless while your wife is in so much discomfort and pain makes the stress so much more acute. Sure, you can give your wife encouragement and remind her to breathe deep breaths and give her ice cubes to chew on but really, a dad is pretty useless in that delivery room.

Me reading that post

[LChoy]

Originally Posted by snootchiebootchies

I'm about 5 years in being a dad and the most stressful part of it all is still being in that delivery room. All the tips and tricks they teach you about comforting your wife through labour (massages, back rubs) did not work for us. My wife pretty much wanted me to leave her alone so I felt pretty useless. And there were complications with our first birth (umbilical cord wrapped around my daughter's neck) and at one point during the long labour and delivery, there were 14 people in our delivery room and you can tell by the way they were talking that emergency procedures may be necessary. Everything turned out to be fine but the tension and stress in that room was so unbearable.

During our second birth, we were sitting in triage while the nurses were deciding whether or not to admit us. The triage room at Foothills was just one large room with beds curtained off from one another. We could hear (but could not see them) a couple in the bed next to us being told their baby was stillborn. The cries and howls that ensued were so terrible and sad. Each time the nurse came back, the father would ask her to check the fetus for vital signs again, hoping for some kind of miracle. That incident haunted me for the entire birth of my son and I felt incredibly stressed again in the delivery room (which turned out to be a very smooth delivery compared to our first).

A year or so ago, my wife thought she was pregnant again. The first thought that popped in my head was not the joy and challenges of having a third child. Instead, the first thing that popped in my head was the dread of being in the delivery room again.

Not sure if anybody else have had similar stressful experience in the delivery room. I think the fact you're standing by being completely useless while your wife is in so much discomfort and pain makes the stress so much more acute. Sure, you can give your wife encouragement and remind her to breathe deep breaths and give her ice cubes to chew on but really, a dad is pretty useless in that delivery room.

Thank you for sharing your experiences, it was a very honest read
Just 1 quick question. Isn't the birthing suite private? Maybe we're just lucky in Toronto to have private suites, or OR if c-section is needed, but I can't imagine how terrible it was to overhear another parents finding out the bad news about their baby.

LChoy

[CliffFletcher]

Originally Posted by Zulu29

I guess all I'd add is take the initiave. I'm proud that I gave my daughter her first bath and changed her first diaper. It's the little things you do initially that will make you tear up later...

This. Don't hang back and leave your partner to do the child care heavy lifting. Get stuck in right away. We didn't have any choice, as my wife had a c-section and we had twins. Those first 8 hours when it was just me and the newborns, with my wife zonked out after the surgery, threw me into the deep end. But it was the best thing that could have happened. I did the first changes, the first swaddling, etc., and it gave me the sense of being just as capable and responsible for the children as my wife.

[Rubicant]

Originally Posted by CliffFletcher

This. Don't hang back and leave your partner to do the child care heavy lifting. Get stuck in right away. We didn't have any choice, as my wife had a c-section and we had twins. Those first 8 hours when it was just me and the newborns, with my wife zonked out after the surgery, threw me into the deep end. But it was the best thing that could have happened. I did the first changes, the first swaddling, etc., and it gave me the sense of being just as capable and responsible for the children as my wife.

Agreed. Don't be one of those dads who "babysits" his own kids, or "helps his wife out with the kids". It's called being a parent and you are one of them.

[tvp2003]

Originally Posted by snootchiebootchies

I'm about 5 years in being a dad and the most stressful part of it all is still being in that delivery room...

Thanks for sharing. We've had similar complications (resulting in two emergency C-sections -- one after a lengthy labour, the other was one month premature so completely by surprise), but were fortunate in that everything worked out in the end. Trust in the doctors and nurses -- they know what they're doing even if you don't. Also, be prepared for the unexpected and be willing to roll with the punches (that goes for parenting generally as well). With our first, we did up a nice little "birth plan" with seven points that we wanted to achieve during labour. We ended up 0 for 7 but still had a healthy baby and that was really all that mattered in the end.

[troutman]

Originally Posted by snootchiebootchies

During our second birth, we were sitting in triage while the nurses were deciding whether or not to admit us. The triage room at Foothills was just one large room with beds curtained off from one another. We could hear (but could not see them) a couple in the bed next to us being told their baby was stillborn. The cries and howls that ensued were so terrible and sad. Each time the nurse came back, the father would ask her to check the fetus for vital signs again, hoping for some kind of miracle. That incident haunted me for the entire birth of my son and I felt incredibly stressed again in the delivery room (which turned out to be a very smooth delivery compared to our first).

I was in an emergency room last year and noticed a box full of little teddy bears. I was so sad when I realized what it was for, and how often it is happening.

http://www.projectbear.com/about.html

[manwiches]

Originally Posted by troutman

I was in an emergency room last year and noticed a box full of little teddy bears. I was so sad when I realized what it was for, and how often it is happening.

http://www.projectbear.com/about.html

Holy s###... what a kick in the gut... I'm so sorry that the OP had to experience this. What a sad situation...

Edit: Just read about Project BEAR, and the stories behind it. I have to shut my door for the rest of the morning. I'm a mild basketcase right now.

[snootchiebootchies]

Originally Posted by Lchoy

Just 1 quick question. Isn't the birthing suite private? Maybe we're just lucky in Toronto to have private suites, or OR if c-section is needed, but I can't imagine how terrible it was to overhear another parents finding out the bad news about their baby.

Yes, the delivery room is private but the incident I described took place in triage, where nurses determine whether you are far enough along in your labour to admit you for delivery. The triage room is just a bunch of beds in an open room with curtains separating each bed to provide some privacy.

[2ArmBands]

I really haven't been paying much attention to this thread but reading the last page or so has certainly made me reflect.

I have a 7 year old girl and a 3 year old girl. Since there has been some discussion about the "big day" I figure I would just tell the story of my youngest.

With it being our second we knew that things would likely happen a lot more quickly. Wake up in the middle of the night and wife is having contractions. For our first child the moment she was having contractions we went to the hospital and we were actually turned back. They said we were still many hours away and we would likely be returning later that evening.

So with that being said, this time we decided to push it just a little bit and take our time. My oldest was asleep at the time so I went to wake her up. I start to get her dressed and as I am doing so my wife starts to get the feeling that we need to leave right away.

Its about 4 AM now and we start to make the drive into the city. My parents live in the NW and they were obviously aware that we were expecting. It was their job to take my oldest for the birth. Naturally, I start phoning them on the drive in. No answer. I get to their house and start banging the door and ringing the doorbell...no answer.

Well, I have no choice, my oldest is coming to the hospital with me. At this point we are running out of time. Get to the hospital and my wife starts making her way in. I get to the back seat to grab my daughter and realize that I forgot to put shoes or socks on her. Great! So we charge into the hospital me holding my shoe less daughter and getting all kinds of looks!

What made this interesting is once my wife was admitted I was not allowed in the birthing room because I had my daughter with me. Fair enough. So we were setup just outside the maternity ward in a small waiting room while my wife was well into labor. During the hour or so of waiting time (wife is in labor) I actually finally signed up for CP! LOL. I remember trying to figure out a username and looking down at my phone and noticing I had a hospital band on each one of my wrists/arms. One that was just placed on me for the birth and the other from the evening before as I had to take my daughter in to a different hospital for an ear infection or something of the sorts. Not sure how it ended up as "2ArmBands" but I assume everyone here sees me as a gym meathead with 2 tribal tattoos or something!

Luckily for me my dad was able to make it to the hospital in the nick of time and I was in the birthing room with some time to spare. Once my daughter was born (we didnt know the sex) all of our names we had planned for got thrown out the window. They just didn't fit. We scrambled for a name to put on the paperwork but just couldn't find a fit. I remember walking down to the cafe for a coffee and seeing a tabloid with Kate Middleton on the cover. Boom..there it was! Walked up to propose the name to my wife and we agreed. Kate it was. Rest is history as they say!

My dad did have to walk into a WalMart with my daughter who had no shoes or socks on and buy some shoes. He says he will never forget the looks he got from people.

Sorry for the long winded story but writing it out really made me reflect and re-live that day. I haven't sat and thought about it for quite some time. So to all the new dads in here expecting best of luck and have fun with it!