You've done much to be proud of these past few months.
I listen to this song a lot when I think of my best friend who died a few years back. I hope when the inevitable comes it can bring you some comfort, too.
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That fantastic foresight to get your dad to sign the anniversary card - what a tremendous idea. While I had hoped it wouldn't have been necessary, your preparation couldn't have been more appropriate and effective.
That said Chris, are you taking care of yourself as well? Caring for the caregiver is important because you're taking the stress of others onto your own shoulders. Please don't overlook your need for your own supports in this.
thanks k_c
yes, i'm taking care of myself. my wife and i have an awesome circle of friends who regularly check in on us to see how myself, my wife & kids and my folks are doing. not only that, there are also numerous phone calls, emails and texts of encouragement. i often forward my mom the emails and texts i receive to encourage her and then she reads them to my dad.
a couple of the ladies that work at the same school as my wife decided they wanted to help with meals for not just my folks, but for my wife and i too. our deep freeze is packed with meals - it's just amazing. it's nice that when you start to get run down (and even though it doesn't happen often, i just don't feel like cooking) we can grab something from the freezer and have a tasty meal.
i find it amazing how certain people come into your life at the perfect time. so time for a little story... probably 4 or so years ago a friend of mine (brenda) was looking to put together a band to just do a few local gigs. she had recorded a cd a few years earlier and i think with a little encouragement from her husband was getting the bug to get back on stage again - so brenda asked if i'd like to play bass. i accepted. the funny part was that her music is the complete opposite of what i enjoy (i love blues, metal, classic rock and her music is very 'jewel'-esk - ha! ha!), but whatever - i love to play so i was in. thru playing in that band my wife and i got to know brenda and her husband. they are such an awesome couple. fast forward a few years and a little over a year ago now, brenda's daughter and son-in-law moved to kelowna from ontario. have you ever met someone and immediately clicked? that was myself and brenda's son-in-law. we hit it off immediately. when i found out about my dad in jaunary i was telling him what i had just found out. that's when he shared with me that his dad had passed away a couple years earlier. the encouragement and support he's provided these past 7 months has been awesome. a lot of times it's just knowing i can talk to him about whatever i'm going thru/feeling and he just knows. sometimes when i see him he'll just come up and give me a look, put his arm around me and give me a shoulder to cry on and an ear that will listen. having friends like that is amazing and we're so blessed to have people like that in our life.
__________________ "...and there goes Finger up the middle on Luongo!" - Jim Hughson, Av's vs. 'Nucks
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You simply are one of the best people I have ever heard of. You took one of the most difficult things that anyone has to go through and made the best for everyone involved. I am sorry for the imminent passing of your father, but you did the best that anyone could have for him and that's all you could do.
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I'm not going to speculate on what comes after for you and yours, that is really a space that is even far more personal and individual than what you are going through now. I know that sounds odd, but it's true. I can tell you what happened right after though. He passed in the mid afternoon at home because he didn't want a hospital or hospice due to his very valid last wishes. We all were just physically and mentally exhausted and hungry. It's funny how life just gets in the way. We ended up just going for Big Mac's at McDonald's because that was his go to choice. That being said, I wish, I really wish I had your courage, strength and fortitude when my dad was going through it, and up until he passed.
yes, i'm taking care of myself. my wife and i have an awesome circle of friends who regularly check in on us to see how myself, my wife & kids and my folks are doing. not only that, there are also numerous phone calls, emails and texts of encouragement. i often forward my mom the emails and texts i receive to encourage her and then she reads them to my dad.
a couple of the ladies that work at the same school as my wife decided they wanted to help with meals for not just my folks, but for my wife and i too. our deep freeze is packed with meals - it's just amazing. it's nice that when you start to get run down (and even though it doesn't happen often, i just don't feel like cooking) we can grab something from the freezer and have a tasty meal.
i find it amazing how certain people come into your life at the perfect time. so time for a little story... probably 4 or so years ago a friend of mine (brenda) was looking to put together a band to just do a few local gigs. she had recorded a cd a few years earlier and i think with a little encouragement from her husband was getting the bug to get back on stage again - so brenda asked if i'd like to play bass. i accepted. the funny part was that her music is the complete opposite of what i enjoy (i love blues, metal, classic rock and her music is very 'jewel'-esk - ha! ha!), but whatever - i love to play so i was in. thru playing in that band my wife and i got to know brenda and her husband. they are such an awesome couple. fast forward a few years and a little over a year ago now, brenda's daughter and son-in-law moved to kelowna from ontario. have you ever met someone and immediately clicked? that was myself and brenda's son-in-law. we hit it off immediately. when i found out about my dad in jaunary i was telling him what i had just found out. that's when he shared with me that his dad had passed away a couple years earlier. the encouragement and support he's provided these past 7 months has been awesome. a lot of times it's just knowing i can talk to him about whatever i'm going thru/feeling and he just knows. sometimes when i see him he'll just come up and give me a look, put his arm around me and give me a shoulder to cry on and an ear that will listen. having friends like that is amazing and we're so blessed to have people like that in our life.
The strength, grace and character you've shown as you share this time in your life is inspiring.
It makes me want to be a better man.
Thank you for sharing these private and difficult moments with us.
i've said it before in this thread and i want to say it again - cp is an amazing community and i thank you all for the kind words and support over the last number of months.
it's with a heavy heart that i post this. earlier this evening my dad passed away.
my dad's doctor came by hospice this morning and told my mom that my dad would be gone soon. his doctor has been amazing - such a support and a doctor that genuinely cares deeply for his patients.
my mom let me know so my wife and i headed to hospice around 11am.
i had a bit of alone time with my dad, so i held his hand and we had a little chat... well, i did most of the talking, but it was awesome. as i started talking he opened his eyes and looked at me (apparently he had only opened his eyes once earlier in the day when his doctor came by). i reaffirmed my love for him. i told him again how proud i was of him and that the resilience and strength that he had battled with over the last number of months was amazing. i told him that it was ok to let go - we'll all miss him dearly, but it was ok to let go of his broken body. i told him that my wife and i would continue to love and support my mom. i told him that even though Jordan and Matthew are only 4 & 2, that they would know who their grandpa was. they will see lots of pictures and hear story after story of stuff that dad and grandpa did together. i told him again that i loved him and then said what i've said to him for quite a while now... 'see you soon dad'.
i sat by his side and held his hand for about 6-7 hours - rarely moving. just enjoying the warmth of his hand in mine. my wife came by with Matthew so i moved to give my mom some more time holding dad's hand. it was nice to have Matthew there becuz we were able to have a bit of a break from being in my dad's room and just walk around and enjoy the innocence of a 2 year old during such a difficult time (our neighbours were watching Jordan for us). after a bit of time being in and out of my dad's room i came in to see how my dad was doing and if it would be a good time to take Matthew for a stroller ride to try and get him to sleep for the night (he really wanted daddy to push the stroller - heh!). my dad's breathing had changed so i decided to stay and my wife took Matthew. after a few minutes i could tell that my dad's battle was almost over. a couple minutes more passed and ever so quietly i whispered to my dad, 'see you soon dad'. he took one more breath and that was his last.
it's devastating that he is gone, but at the same time i'm so thankful that he is now free of his cancer filled body
we cleaned out the last of my parent's stuff from his room and then i told my mom that i just wanted a final minute with dad alone. i sat down beside him, held his hand, told him again that i loved him and that i was so proud of him. for the final time i said to him, ' see you soon dad' and kissed him on his fore head and cried.
thank you dad - you were the best and i hope to continue to make you proud
i love you
i miss you
"...And the doors are open now as the bells are ringing out,
'Cause the man of the hour is taking his final bow,
I feel that this is just goodbye for now"
Thank you for sharing this journey with us Chris. Your dad raised a great son.
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I PROMISED MESS I WOULDN'T DO THIS
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Many condolences, Chris. May you and your family find peace and solace in this time of bereavement. Please know that our thoughts, and for some of us our prayers, are with you. Thank you for sharing such a personal journey with all of us. I wish you, and all of yours, the very best as you grieve. May your father rest in peace. Please take a giant CP hug with you in the days ahead.
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So sorry Chris. How you've handled everything is extraordinary.......I know if I'm ever in a situation like yours with my parents I'll be checking back to this thread to get help on how best to handle it. What you've done is really incredible. It's brutal to lose a loved one, but you have to know you've done everything you could have. And more.
Condolences, and all the best to you and your family.
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So sorry for your loss Chris. Take care of yourself during this tough time.
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But living an honest life - for that you need the truth. That's the other thing I learned that day, that the truth, however shocking or uncomfortable, leads to liberation and dignity. -Ricky Gervais
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Chris, you're a good son and a reflection of the man you have done your best to honor and love as his body failed him. The strength you have shown to us all has only been surpassed by the love you have displayed for your father and your family. Even though you have prepared yourself for this day it is still going to be hard. There will be hard days ahead, but those will become fewer as time passes and you come to grips with the totality of the loss. But best be assured, the passing of your father does not mean he is gone. It may sound cheesy, but he lives on the memories of all who knew him. The challenge for you is to keep that memory alive so he can achieve the immorality we all wish our parents to have.
When I lost my father our family was ripped apart. At a time when we should have come together, we instead went in different directions. What would bring us back together was the memory of our father. My dad used to have the goofiest colloquial sayings that would make us laugh. We referred to them as Old Masterisms, a nickname he got a long time ago. Everyone in the family had three or four that would make them smile. I sent a request to siblings and asked them what their favorite sayings were, and then shared those with the whole family. Low and behold, sharing these memories brought us all back together, three generations of people, as it gave us a common lexicon and meaning to reflect upon. As a result, we now catch ourselves using these same damn colloquialisms, and my father lives on. Not only do his kids use them, but their kids, and then their kids. His great-grand children have taken to using these sayings, and remembering the man who turned the phrase. We hope they will pass them along to their kids, and so on, ensuring that my father will be remembered for generations after his death. Hopefully there is something similar you can do to help keep the memory of your father alive, as every time I use one of those sayings I can feel my father touching my shoulder and laughing with me.
I doubt I have to tell you this, but your father is proud of you. Even if he couldn't tell you in his last days, he is proud of you. The things you have done for him, and the rest of your family, is a display of the man he hoped you would one day be. You have achieved the hope every father has and have become the good man they hope to shape. Your challenge is to continue to be a reflection of the man you love and live life by the values he instilled in you. I look at the example my father set and I have admitted many times that I will never be able to achieve what my father did in his life time, nor live up to the standard of his character. But I continue to try each and every day, and by doing so, that again keeps him alive. As you continue your life continue to honor your father by living to the example he set for you. If you do that, you'll keep him and his memory alive that much longer.
Thank you for sharing your story. It has been a difficult read, but an inspiring one. Sincere condolences to you and your family. Don't mourn his loss so much as celebrate his life. If you can do that, your tears will be of happiness more so than of sorrow.
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I am so sorry for your loss. Reading your last post has me in tears. You're a great son and what you've done for your father and your family is simply amazing. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. Take care of yourself and remember the best moments of your dad.
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