How much (monetarily) do you / plan to help out your parents? - Calgarypuck Forums - The Unofficial Calgary Flames Fan Community

activeStick · 08-25-2016, 01:40 PM

Similar to the other thread, interested in seeing what people do or plan to do, if at all to "give back" to their parents if / when they are able?

I've been giving my parents essentially an allowance since I started working full time after graduating university. They aren't struggling but definitely aren't rich, and growing up, father worked two jobs while my mother worked one to pay for things. My parents are immigrants (I was born here) and neither have education but made up for it with work ethic.

We never struggled financially growing up but definitely did not live lavishly and parents while they have savings, didn't invest.

They're now 68 years old, have their various old age pensions and retirement things coming in each month with their house paid off and spend very little every month (they also both work part time because they apparently "got bored" when they tried stopping), but I give them $400 each month (reduced from $800 after their insistence!) to use for things like the two of them going to eat out whenever they want or buy random things like new furniture etc.

I'm single with no kids and I'm sure that factors into whether or not people (married and with families) provide any sort of financial help to their parents. I would love to continue with the allowance when I get married but can see that being a possible issue as expenses explode with wife, kids, etc.

Just curious as the other thread made me think of this...

Tron_fdc · 08-25-2016, 01:42 PM

I'm married with 3 kids.

My parents will get zero.

Pretty sure they have no reason to need my money though.

polak · 08-25-2016, 01:44 PM

I'm my parents entire retirement plan.

They bet on the wrong horse.

habernac · 08-25-2016, 01:45 PM

I give them my time. It's more valuable than money to them. They don't need my money, anyway.

jwslam · 08-25-2016, 01:46 PM

Both my parents are currently retired, no mortgage, a decent amount of savings, and have a pension from their work. Not old enough for all the gov't stuff.

Same as you; both immigrants, worked hard for what they have, didn't spend lavishly while not living frugal. They paid for practically everything including and through university. They go on a few vacations a year and have enough to do though none of it generates income.

I don't currently have any plans to help them financially as I'm still settling myself out. I don't see them needing my help nor them accepting it. Similarly, whenever I get around to having kids I'd like to be able to support them until X point, and make sure that I don't become a financial burden on them in their future.

edit: I buy some pretty big gifts yearly. One year was a all inclusive and another a brand new fridge & range. Thinking washer/dryer next.

John Doe · 08-25-2016, 02:00 PM

Both my wife's and my father are deceased so we just have the mothers to worry about. My father was a teacher and farmer/rancher so with his pension and farmland my mother is fine financially.
My wife's mother is another story. She is in her late 70's but still has some growing up to do. She will probably end up living with us when she can no longer live by herself. My wife has already told her that her husband (2nd marriage) isn't welcome though so not sure how that will work out.

Regorium · 08-25-2016, 02:31 PM

I give my parents $500 a month as an "allowance". They don't really need it, but it's more symbolic than anything.

btimbit · 08-25-2016, 02:38 PM

My parents don't even accept gifts, giving them money wouldn't go over well. But, they're also not even hitting 60 yet. If a need ever arose, damn right I'm there.

photon · 08-25-2016, 02:47 PM

I put in the down payment for my parents' house a while back. I figured either I could pay then when it was cheaper for somewhere for them to live into retirement, or I could pay more later.

They don't have much in the way of savings so I figure I'll eventually be helping out more.

Cali Panthers Fan · 08-25-2016, 02:47 PM

Well my parents divorced over 20 years ago, and as such they have vastly different situations.

My mother helped me a lot throughout my decade or so in school, and she sacrificed and saved a lot of her $40 K salary in order to give me enough so that I wouldn't starve during school. Even before that, she helped me get out of debt when I had a classic early 20's overspending problem. That's on top of all the stuff she did to raise me during childhood up until I was about 13 or so and went to live with my dad. She has little savings to retire on.

Basically I owe her big time.

Consequently, I bought her an apartment and moved her down here to Boca Raton for her retirement. We're doing well with our money, so even though she gets an ok pension, she'll never have to want for anything for as long as she lives.

My father raised me with his new wife from the age of 13 to 18, but abruptly asked me to move out at 18. I wasn't allowed to take anything that wasn't in my room, so I started with essentially nothing, even though they had plenty to give me. I never took a single dollar from my father at any point during my adult life, even though he made a multi-6 figure salary. I did ask once or twice for help, since he had enough money to help me, and much more than my mother. He responded by saying it would be better for me to "stand on my own two feet" rather than be bailed out by him when I ran into money problems. He's been a rather large enigma in my life as an adult, hardly keeping in touch, often going 6 months between communications. He's also had a problem with debt even though he makes a large income. I honestly don't know how he manages to dig himself into a hole.

He will get nothing from me at any point ever. I figure the principle he taught me of trying to stand on your own two feet applies equally to him.

Lesson is, you reap what you sow.

snootchiebootchies · 08-25-2016, 02:56 PM

My parents are retired. My parents worked hard (operated several small businesses) and have built up a nice nest egg. My father is pretty frugal so I don't expect I will need to help them. Their greatest concern is for my sibling, who is struggling with finances. So my parents are afraid to spend money as they feel they should continue to be frugal in case my sibling needs more help down the road. They have also offered to help me periodically but I always decline since I feel my family already live a pretty comfortable life. I just wish my parents would travel more and enjoy their fruits of their labour but they are genuinely afraid to spend their money. They grew up poor so being frugal with their money is deeply ingrained into their psyche.

flamesfever · 08-25-2016, 02:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by activeStick

Similar to the other thread, interested in seeing what people do or plan to do, if at all to "give back" to their parents if / when they are able?

I've been giving my parents essentially an allowance since I started working full time after graduating university. They aren't struggling but definitely aren't rich, and growing up, father worked two jobs while my mother worked one to pay for things. My parents are immigrants (I was born here) and neither have education but made up for it with work ethic.

We never struggled financially growing up but definitely did not live lavishly and parents while they have savings, didn't invest.

They're now 68 years old, have their various old age pensions and retirement things coming in each month with their house paid off and spend very little every month (they also both work part time because they apparently "got bored" when they tried stopping), but I give them $400 each month (reduced from $800 after their insistence!) to use for things like the two of them going to eat out whenever they want or buy random things like new furniture etc.

I'm single with no kids and I'm sure that factors into whether or not people (married and with families) provide any sort of financial help to their parents. I would love to continue with the allowance when I get married but can see that being a possible issue as expenses explode with wife, kids, etc.

Just curious as the other thread made me think of this...

Good for you for helping your parents have a better retirement. When they are gone, there will be no one who will ever love you as much as they do, and what you have done will ease your sorrow.

I think there are many ways you can reward your parents for their past sacrifices, in addition to, or apart from money:

1. Live a good and honorable life.

2. Try to live up to your potential by making them proud of you.

3. If you are married and have kids, share your life as much as possible with them.

4. Help in any way you can to assist them when their health fails.

GreenLantern · 08-25-2016, 03:11 PM

I am in a bit of pickle in this regard, my Dad always worked hard and was a single parent supporting two boys and a daughter who was semi-independent on her own. We weren't rich, but we grew up in a nice neighbourhood and I got a lot of the toys I wanted, video games all that stuff. He did not contribute a penny to my tuition, but I did get to live at home for free eating his food during my undergrad.

Shortly before I moved out, his current partner moved in. He wanted to keep her home ownership separate from his, with the argument that he has kids he needs to leave things to and she had her own house (which she still rents out) prior to moving in as well. So they figured that stuff out and that is fine, he paid for the mortgage, she covered some of the utilities. Now he is 65, struggling a bit financially as he had no pension outside of CPP. He sold off his rental property which was always the plan when he retired so he has that money but it won't be enough to keep him afloat, he will eventually have to sell his house to.. but the problem is he doesn't want to. He built that house himself literally with his own two hands and he loves it. So I would like to be able to help him out a bit financially to stay there (not so much today, but a few years down the road). My problem is that his partner only works maybe 10 or 15 hours a week, she has her own business, and then just sits around playing video games or watching TV the rest of the time while my Dad is still out busting his ass working every day. So it pains me to support her habits, but it pains me more to watch my Dad struggle, especially with stress being a huge drain on his health.

This is a woman who has basically just made her life out of getting by on the minimum.

Canehdianman · 08-25-2016, 03:16 PM

Married with two young kids.

My parents are fairly well off. Upper middle class.

They don't need anything from me.

My wife's parents seem to be doing fine as well.

PsYcNeT · 08-25-2016, 03:31 PM

My mother joined a hippie commune when I was 22 and I haven't heard from her since, and my father went to South America when I was 26 and blew 750,000 over a 5 year period and now lives in a favela somewhere. I actually paid for him to fly back to Calgary and live here for ~10-12 months to help pull him out of poverty (paid airfare, food, rent etc.) and then he said he hated the culture here and went back.

So, lots of free advice that they never take and probably a cumulative ~$20,000.

Frequitude · 08-25-2016, 04:19 PM

By reinforcing with them "don't worry about planning to leave me anything. You left me with a free education and crappy car so I could easily go start making my own money. Spend it on yourself so you're happy, healthy and live longer. That way you can be in my life longer, my kids will have grandparents longer, and I can have a free babysitter for longer".

Violator · 08-25-2016, 04:32 PM

Probably cost me about 100,000 to help my mother out over the course of the rest of her life.

My father should be covered owned his own business for 35 years and has made good real estate investments over the last 20.....that's if he doesn't get divorced again.

Amethyst · 08-25-2016, 04:39 PM

My mother, who always said, "As soon as you're done high school, you move out or pay rent," recently made a joke that if she ran out of retirement money, she was coming to live with me. I said, "Sure, if you pay rent."

calgarygeologist · 08-25-2016, 05:00 PM

My dad is gone already and I'm hoping to send my mom back to the motherland soon (within two years probably.) Once we sell her condo and she gets onto CPP she will be able to live very comfortably back in Poland. Her parents won't be around much longer so it is best that she goes back and takes care of them and any matters related to their estate.

If after sometime over there she gets sick or has to move back to Canada I guess she'll have to come and live with us.

You Need a Thneed · 08-25-2016, 05:22 PM

I don't think my dad will need help for the foreseeable future. He is retired.

For My wife's parents, I might consider building an above garage suite at some point, and charge them below market rent. They will likely retire in the next year or so.

Who knows what kind of care they might require years down the road