How much (monetarily) will you help your kids? - Calgarypuck Forums - The Unofficial Calgary Flames Fan Community

Language · 08-24-2016, 07:02 PM

Was having a beer with a buddy of mine (both of us don't have kids yet), and got on the topic of how we'd plan our future earnings in relation to our kids.

Obviously until adulthood, a child is a parent's responsibility. I'm more talking about planning for your child's university education/wedding/down payment on their first place. What are your viewpoints on how much help should be provided by the parents?

There are always outliers of course, wherein you have the 1%'ers who help their kids out tons. There's also the other extreme, where I've seen very wealthy parents who don't help their kids much at all, in fear they'll become entitled.

I'm talking more about you're regular, typical middle class family. How much do some of you expect and put pressure on yourselves to tuck away for the sake of your kids, as opposed to say, enjoying the fruits of your labor and taking those trips you've always imagined for yourself or buying yourself your dream car?

Interested to hear the mindset of those with children already.

Drury18 · 08-24-2016, 07:11 PM

I'll preface this with my parents paid for NOTHING for me. I paid for my own college (twice), my own wedding and paid my own downpayment on my house. The day I graduated high school, I was paying rent to my parents. When I wanted to learn to drive, they showed me listings for a driving school and told me to pay for it myself. They were not 1%'ers but they were in a position to help financially (and did so for all of the above for my younger sister)

I think in my case, I would be willing to help my child pay for her education because that's something that I think is vitally important to get ahead in life. Everything else (including a wedding) is a luxury and so if she wants to have nice things, she can use that education of hers to work towards them. I've already started putting money away bit by bit (I'm a single parent and her father is a deadbeat who pays very little so I don't have tons of extra cash) to try to get at least a good start so that when it comes time to pay for her education, I can help out as much as possible.

rohara66 · 08-24-2016, 07:17 PM

My parents paid for my college (they had an RESP), I will do the same format kids.

My parents made me pay rent while I lived at home while I saved for my own place. They then gifted me back my rent(was a couple thousand bucks) when I moved into my new place as a surprise. So I had to get approved for my mortgage and cover my entire down payment so I was ok on my own but that extra surprise money on move in day was a huge help and greatly appreciated. I will probably do the same for my kids.

I had to pay for 100% of my own luxury items (car, insurance, etc). I would do the same for my kids.

Cheese · 08-24-2016, 07:24 PM

I'll preface by saying I earn a decent income.
We made a deal with our kids so they learn to be responsible for themselves.
They pay for their education in advance, either by loan or working or a combination of both.
We pay back their costs based on how they do in school. If they decide to F around and fail, they get zip...if they do well they get their money back. Simple and it covers us in the case they choose to slack off.
In addition to this, the kids have our home to live in rent, maintenance and utility free and drive our vehicles, (SUV and car), maintenance free, to and from school if attending Post Secondary in our region. We are expats out of country.

In addition to the above we stock the freezer with meats and goods every time we are back in the country.

CliffFletcher · 08-24-2016, 07:46 PM

We're setting aside aside enough in RESPs to get the full 20 per cent government matching, which I'm estimating will be enough to pay the full freight for a local degree, and about half of an out-of-province degree. We plan on having the kids put up some of their own money up front, so they have skin the game (probably 10%), and pay back a portion to us (probably 40%), which we'll set aside for a downpayment for them.

That's pretty much it.

Like my own parents did, I will expect them to work if they are not in school, and to contribute to rent and bills. They can share the second car as long as they contribute for gas and insurance. Spending money will have to come from part-time jobs.

I have to say I'm surprised by how indulgent some of my co-workers are with their teen and young adult children. I have a co-worker who has three kids aged 18-22 and none of them have worked a day in their lives - he pays for everything. He was recently asking about a decent bicycle to buy, and how much it cost. I came up with a price, and then he quadrupled it because he'd have to buy one for each of his kids too. And he's not a huge earner or anything either.

Regular_John · 08-24-2016, 07:46 PM

My parents didn't contribute any cash directly to my education, but they charged me monthly "rent" in their home for the year I took off between high school/college. They then returned that "rent" money to me in full when I returned to college after a year. It covered roughly 1/2 of my first year's tuition, the rest I paid for from working that year off.

Furthermore they let me live rent free at home (with food) while attending college. I really only paid for gas in the car while attending college.

Which I honestly thought was pretty fair mix of "we'll support you while getting an education, but you need some skin in the game as well". They were covering my living expenses, but I was paying directly for my tuition & school supplies.

Slava · 08-24-2016, 08:06 PM

I paid for school and basically everything else myself, and for my kids I will pay for their education because as Drury says above I think its basically a necessity at this point. I will help the kids out with vehicles and maybe their first house to some extent, but that's a little more up in the air for me. I kind of think that if you get all of the tools (schooling in particular) then you make your own way in the world.

I guess we'll see how that goes because as a parent I know that a lot of my "I would just do this..." thoughts before I had kids went by the wayside. Sometimes it looks good on paper, but just doesn't work in practice!

undercoverbrother · 08-24-2016, 08:14 PM

My kids have made me drink more, they can have all the empties.

theJuice · 08-24-2016, 08:15 PM

Dunno if I'll ever have kids, but if I do, its probably 100% I would pay for most of the stuff, IE school, post secondary, live at home rent free. Maybe it was just how I was raised, but growing up, my parents paid for everything, never charged me rent etc, never paid for food. May be different though as I'm asian, and the expectation is always that when your parents get older, they will never be sent off to a retirement home or anything, and will continue to live with one of the kids in the future. I'd like to think that it didnt make me too spoiled, but instead made me realize all the sacrifices and #### my parents made for me growing up, and I think I'd definitely do the same in the future.

pseudoreality · 08-24-2016, 08:29 PM

I've got an RESP for my daughter and contribute the $2500/year to get the $500/year matching. She'll get the matching and interest portion for sure, but my wife and I might claw back some of the principal depending on the situation. The NWT government provides pretty good funding for students to go the post-secondary institutions. I've never had a new car and view them as luxury items. So she can buy that with her own money. Same goes with owning real estate.

troutman · 08-24-2016, 08:41 PM

I'm waiting for my boys to become wildly successful, and support me in early retirement.

PaperBagger'14 · 08-24-2016, 09:38 PM

I'll do the same thing my Dad did for me. I paid the vast majority of my own way through post secondary, but there were stumbling blocks along the way he helped me through. Also when it came time to buying my first car, he told me he would match whatever down payment I was able to save. At $5.90 an hour for my first real job it took a while but I got a good car out of it.

VladtheImpaler · 08-24-2016, 11:09 PM

All the way if they go to dental school.

Kybosh · 08-25-2016, 06:59 AM

I'd say about tree fiddy.

Frequitude · 08-25-2016, 08:09 AM

I would like to be able to have my kids leave university with no student debt and a ****** car. Then they're on their own.

CroFlames · 08-25-2016, 08:11 AM

Teaching them discipline and financial planning is worth way more than just giving them money. Based on my life experience seeing other people, giving kids money actually hinders them and doesn't help.

In the spirit of the thread though, planning for your kid's education is a good idea. Plus the government matches, so saying no to free money is dumb.

Erick Estrada · 08-25-2016, 08:14 AM

My dad is well off (retired at 46) and I had to max student loan my way through post secondary. He helped the odd time when I couldn't pay rent while gong to school but that's about it. I have no issues with that as I saw a lot of people who's parents were paying for everything and some of them didn't take it seriously. He did help me with my down payment on my first house but really it would have been more beneficial for me getting into that house sooner by not to rack up over $25k in student loans.

habernac · 08-25-2016, 08:32 AM

We've got RESPs to help pay for school. I will be on the hook for that, my folks paid for mine. I'm probably going to get a fair chunk of change when my parents pass, so I will also help them buy a home in what will almost certainly be an overpriced market here.

pseudoreality · 08-25-2016, 08:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CroFlames

Teaching them discipline and financial planning is worth way more than just giving them money. Based on my life experience seeing other people, giving kids money actually hinders them and doesn't help.

In the spirit of the thread though, planning for your kid's education is a good idea. Plus the government matches, so saying no to free money is dumb.

Couldn't agree more. It's not about how much money someone has, it's about how they manage it. Money doesn't buy happiness, but financial instability is depressing. Too many people in our society are financially illiterate. Parents need to teach their kids how to manage money and how to get interest to work for them, not against.

FLAMESRULE · 08-25-2016, 08:52 AM

My parents could be considered 1% (family doc). But they made damn sure that we knew the value of hard work. We never wanted for anything and I'm very grateful to my folks for how they raised us.

School (Univ): Course and books paid for if you get an "A", books if you get a "B"
Car: Thats a luxury. Had to buy ourselves
First house: They gave us the downpayment. Not sure about my sisters, but I actually got them to sign a promissory note and paid them back the full amount plus the same % that I made on it.
Budgeting: Reading David Chiltons "Wealthy Barber" was practically mandatory. So was budgeting and financial planning. Parents were always really open about money.

I remember when I graduated, that my parents said no rent when you're in school, but when you're done go get a job. They charged us all $400/m until we got a job. My mom would wake me up at 730am and make me go downtown to hand off resumes (I'm an engineer in O+G). Lol. It worked and I've never looked back.

I dont, and never did, want my parents money. That's there's that they earned through ridiculously hard work by my dad.