Difficult Conversations Course Recommendations?

[iggy_oi]

Originally Posted by GirlySports

Give me an example of a difficult conversation, let's roleplay.

Do you really want me to provide basic examples of what would be considered by most to be difficult conversations that happen at work(which you claim don’t exist) only for you to respond by saying that those aren’t difficult conversations and you potentially coming off as a sociopath?

I mean I’ll do it, but I don’t really think it’s going to go the way you expect it to. Your statement that there are absolutely no difficult conversations at work would be viewed as absurd by the overwhelming majority of people. Even something as commonplace as your solution of firing someone isn’t generally considered as an “easy” conversation to have.

[Wormius]

The “your breath smells bad” convo is always a tricky one, but I think recoiling in disgust and shielding your nose says a lot without having to actually say something awkward outloud.

[Snuffleupagus]

Originally Posted by GirlySports

Give me an example of a difficult conversation, let's roleplay.

One of my customers had an employee that apparently had the most extreme BO known to mankind, it's hard to imagine but it was so bad his co-workers would literally gag even from 8 ft away, he cleared the lunchroom and people had to wait 10 minutes to use the bathroom after he was in it, they left him hints like soap and deodorant on the hood of his car but to no avail.

How would you deal with that?

[8 Ball]

Originally Posted by Snuffleupagus

One of my customers had an employee that apparently had the most extreme BO known to mankind, it's hard to imagine but it was so bad his co-workers would literally gag even from 8 ft away, he cleared the lunchroom and people had to wait 10 minutes to use the bathroom after he was in it, they left him hints like soap and deodorant on the hood of his car but to no avail.

How would you deal with that?

Tell them that they stink, and that their coworkers are complaining?

[GirlySports]

Bad breath and bad BO. Co-workers just approach him and tell him. If they are uncomfortable doing so, tell the manager, this is literally the job of a manager. Don't do neither and gossip, that's not good, that will make him feel bad. He would rather hear it up front.

Aside: wonder how he was hired, nobody noticed?

[Agamemnon]

Originally Posted by GirlySports

Bad breath and bad BO. Co-workers just approach him and tell him. If they are uncomfortable doing so, tell the manager, this is literally the job of a manager. Don't do neither and gossip, that's not good, that will make him feel bad. He would rather hear it up front.

Aside: wonder how he was hired, nobody noticed?

Yes, these are examples of difficult conversations, whether or not you personally feel they are difficult. Dealing with someone who refuses to accept the context of the conversation, for example, can be difficult.

[PepsiFree]

Originally Posted by GirlySports

You just fire them.

If they are a good worker and are a difficult personality then you might have to dig a bit and explain to them to calm down it's affecting the team. Managers get paid the big bucks to have difficult conversations.

When applying to be a supervisor this is one of the biggest decisions, do I want to be a conflict resolver? Do I want to manage people? A lot of people turn down a lot of money because they don't want to. They are happy with being an analyst.

If managers get paid the big bucks to have difficult conversations, then how is it you’re struggling with the concept of difficult conversations?

If you don’t think they exist, what exactly are you being paid for?

[Locke]

In all seriousness I cant really say because my experience in 'Large Office' situations is pretty dated now, especially after COVID and 9/11.

But during Tax Season when I do have a few employees and we're working crazy hours and such I generally opt for 'Brutal Honesty.'

I'm a pretty easy-going employer and I understand that I'm 'The Boss' but I dont normally feel the need for any ego or power trips.

The other thing is...outside of Tax Season, I work alone a lot. So I may be missing social queues and such?

Also...I've seen and heard all kinds of insane crap. Bring it.

For instance: Cool Story Time.

At my old office I hired a new receptionist for tax season and she's worked there a few weeks and then one day she comes into my office and asks:

"Dude, okay...This place is reeks of weed! What are you doing in here?"

Which to me was very surprising as I dont smoke weed. I also am cursed with a very, very limited sense of smell.

It turns out that my neighbours were hotboxing their unit next door and the odor was coming through across the drop-ceiling.

I dont know how they managed it, they were a carpet cleaning company...you'd think if you smoked that much weed next to that much fabric...anyways thats not the point!

But I wasnt offended or anything. You just figure it out and move along.

[GirlySports]

Originally Posted by PepsiFree

If managers get paid the big bucks to have difficult conversations, then how is it you’re struggling with the concept of difficult conversations?

If you don’t think they exist, what exactly are you being paid for?

Ok, I concede. Maybe because of my experieince they're not difficult to me so i don't see it this way. It's a professional workplace, work needs to get done and it has to be comfortable for everyone. No mind games, no bullying, this isn't high school. I have no issues addressng issues due to my position.

I've learned that managers need to be proactive. The difficult conversation occurs because 10 other things have happened before that, for example, a guy with BO continually going to meetings, isn't the manager in the meeting? Aren't there other execs in these meetings? Doesn't any of the higher-ups notice?

Maybe it's because I'm a chit-chatty boss. My team is small, 7 people. We go for coffee every Monday morning at Tims and talk about mostly non-work related stuff. How was your weekend? Any good movies? Any games or shows you watched? One girl is pregnant and one other girl just came back from mat leave so those are easy topics. In addition, each person has a monthly meeting with me to discuss workload and air grievances, also coffee.

And then as a manager you just have to know. There is a guy who's worked for me 4+ years and is a great worker. But over the last few quarters his production is down and he's making simple mistakes. I call him in, "What's borthering you? You've been struggling, is there anything I can help you with?" He admitted that he's having trouble adapting to the new system and there's trouble at home, probably going to divorce. I need to know this, give him more training and lessen some of his workload in the short-term.

Sometimes people are grateful you bring these things up and sometimes people are defensive. But I run an accounting team, it's preatty black and white. And maybe accountants aren't really difficult personalities, the majority of them are introverts. We are a service department, i know there are big peersonalities are not nice to my staff. I've had to talk to other managers. This is probably the most difficult of the conversations because other manangers are in denial. But our team documents this so facts are always facts.

[lazypucker]

Originally Posted by GirlySports

Maybe it's because I'm a chit-chatty boss. My team is small, 7 people. We go for coffee every Monday morning at Tims and talk about mostly non-work related stuff. How was your weekend? Any good movies? Any games or shows you watched?

I need to join your workplace! Just chit chat, coffee, and CP all day long

[GGG]

Originally Posted by GirlySports

Ok, I concede. Maybe because of my experieince they're not difficult to me so i don't see it this way. It's a professional workplace, work needs to get done and it has to be comfortable for everyone. No mind games, no bullying, this isn't high school. I have no issues addressng issues due to my position.

I've learned that managers need to be proactive. The difficult conversation occurs because 10 other things have happened before that, for example, a guy with BO continually going to meetings, isn't the manager in the meeting? Aren't there other execs in these meetings? Doesn't any of the higher-ups notice?

Maybe it's because I'm a chit-chatty boss. My team is small, 7 people. We go for coffee every Monday morning at Tims and talk about mostly non-work related stuff. How was your weekend? Any good movies? Any games or shows you watched? One girl is pregnant and one other girl just came back from mat leave so those are easy topics. In addition, each person has a monthly meeting with me to discuss workload and air grievances, also coffee.

And then as a manager you just have to know. There is a guy who's worked for me 4+ years and is a great worker. But over the last few quarters his production is down and he's making simple mistakes. I call him in, "What's borthering you? You've been struggling, is there anything I can help you with?" He admitted that he's having trouble adapting to the new system and there's trouble at home, probably going to divorce. I need to know this, give him more training and lessen some of his workload in the short-term.

Sometimes people are grateful you bring these things up and sometimes people are defensive. But I run an accounting team, it's preatty black and white. And maybe accountants aren't really difficult personalities, the majority of them are introverts. We are a service department, i know there are big peersonalities are not nice to my staff. I've had to talk to other managers. This is probably the most difficult of the conversations because other manangers are in denial. But our team documents this so facts are always facts.

So what you are saying is that through your job experience and various HR training that you would have done in school and throughout your career you have learned how to have difficult conversations.

So what courses and books would you recommend to learn those skills.

[lazypucker]

To actually add something "intelligent" to this conversation, I always approach my work conversations without involving personal emotions.

I am not afraid to call people out if they are not pulling their weight, or if they are late with their deliverables, without getting mad at them. Doesn't matter if it is some junior staffer or senior executive.

Just lay out the facts and explain how their action/non-action is delaying the projects and costing valuable time and resources for the company. Most people should understand.

I agree with Girly that these shouldn't be "difficult conversations" if you keep things factual and non-emotional.

[Locke]

Originally Posted by lazypucker

To actually add something "intelligent" to this conversation, I always approach my work conversations without involving personal emotions.

I am not afraid to call people out if they are not pulling their weight, or if they are late with their deliverables, without getting mad at them. Doesn't matter if it is some junior staffer or senior executive.

Just lay out the facts and explain how their action/non-action is delaying the projects and costing valuable time and resources for the company. Most people should understand.

I agree with Girly that these shouldn't be "difficult conversations" if you keep things factual and non-emotional.

Thats commendable.

I still think the 'foam-bat' method is better.

Hit your KPIs...or I shall hit you.

And if you really screw up? Everyone in the office except you gets a bat.

[Locke]

Also...I should mention that my HR department consists of 1 very lovable dog.

So...he's not a lot of help, but he doesnt complain much either.

[Wormius]

Originally Posted by Locke

Also...I should mention that my HR department consists of 1 very lovable dog.

So...he's not a lot of help, but he doesnt complain much either.

That is a difficult conversation. I hate office dogs, but everyone else adores them. Even suggesting you don’t want some dog going into your office and drooling over stuff seems like a non-starter. At least it seems that dogs are decently at reading body language soon if you don’t bend over and start petting them and talking gibberish.

[GirlySports]

Originally Posted by Wormius

That is a difficult conversation. I hate office dogs, but everyone else adores them. Even suggesting you don’t want some dog going into your office and drooling over stuff seems like a non-starter. At least it seems that dogs are decently at reading body language soon if you don’t bend over and start petting them and talking gibberish.

just say you have allergies (even if you don't)

at the workplace, people who have peanut or citrus allergies have it listed on their nameplate.

[Wormius]

Originally Posted by GirlySports

just say you have allergies (even if you don't)

Everyone knows I don’t and also that I have a cat.

[Locke]

Originally Posted by Wormius

That is a difficult conversation. I hate office dogs, but everyone else adores them. Even suggesting you don’t want some dog going into your office and drooling over stuff seems like a non-starter. At least it seems that dogs are decently at reading body language soon if you don’t bend over and start petting them and talking gibberish.

Nope, thats perfectly understandable. If you dont want the dog, we put him in the other office during our appointment, it happens all the time. He's got a little bed in there and everything.

Also he's a very small dog, he doesnt drool, he's hypoallergenic and he doesnt shed.

This is important, because otherwise I'm 100% with you. I dont want to be attacked by some giant slobbery shedding beast either. I've got other things to do with my day and I dont want all my clothes covered in dog hair.

And I dont want people coming into my office with dog allergies to be uncomfortable, so him being hypoallergenic and not shedding is important.

Most of the time he sleeps at my feet. I will acknowledge that initially he will try and lick your face, but he's like 25 pounds. If you want to keep him down you can and after like 3 minutes he calms down and just lies down.

But like I said. Brutal honesty. I've had people come in and "I dont like dogs."

Cool. I lock him in the other room, we conduct our business and when we're done I let him out.

Thats not difficult. I'm okay with that.

[Barnet Flame]

Originally Posted by Ryan Coke

Like, having to fire someone.

What is it you are thinking by the term ‘difficult conversations’?

Explaining complex health and safety procedures in Klingon.

[Locke]

Originally Posted by Barnet Flame

Explaining complex health and safety procedures in Klingon.

Hey! The United Federation of Planets has to be multicultural!

Their HR department has the highest suicide rate in the Galaxy!