Miscarriage - Calgarypuck Forums - The Unofficial Calgary Flames Fan Community

Makarov · 08-02-2017, 07:56 PM

My wife and I lost our pregnancy last night at six weeks. Feeling rather devastated at the moment. It was our first pregnancy.

I searched and was surprised not to find a thread on this topic. I was shocked to learn how common miscarriages are.

Anyway, if anyone has any experiences or words of wisdom to share, such is most welcome.

JohnnyB · 08-02-2017, 07:59 PM

Nothing I have experienced, but so sorry to hear that. Hope you two deal with the emotions well together.

FlamesAddiction · 08-02-2017, 08:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Makarov

My wife and I lost our pregnancy last week at six weeks. Feeling rather devastated at the moment. It was our first pregnancy.

I searched and was surprised not to find a thread on this topic.mI was shocked to learn how common miscarriages are.

Anyway, if anyone has any experiences or words of wisdom to share, such is most welcome.

Condolences for your loss. It must feel devastating to have something like that happen.

I have no words of wisdom to offer unfortunately. It happened to a friend of mine and they went on to have 2 healthy children after that. It will happen for you as well.

edslunch · 08-02-2017, 08:06 PM

It's very sad but also quite common. Whatever you do don't ask why, they just happen. Stay strong and don't be afraid to try again. We had three before our beautiful girl.

Fozzie_DeBear · 08-02-2017, 08:07 PM

So so sorry for what happened. I sent you a PM as this happened to us as well. You are not alone.

GreatWhiteEbola · 08-02-2017, 08:08 PM

Had one with an ex, we found out at the first ultrasound...(12 weeks?) Pretty rough thing to go through.

Hockeyguy15 · 08-02-2017, 08:11 PM

My wife and I "miscarried" at I think it was 8-10 weeks, can't remember exactly when but it happened when we were supposed to get that first ultrasound. I call it "miscarried" because it was actually a blighted ovum (no actual baby developing in the egg). It was still pretty sad since we spent all that time being excited for what we thought was a baby.

PM me if you want to chat more. Sorry for your loss.

Makarov · 08-02-2017, 08:16 PM

Really appreciate all of the kind words. It's amazing how attached one can become to something the size of an appleseed in just a couple of weeks. We're grieving but we'll be ok. We're still determined to have a family.

Apparently, at least one in six pregnancies end in miscarriage (or "spontaneous abortion"). I suppose it isn't that surprising when one considers just how complex the whole process is. I read that, in the days before the home pregnancy test, the general rule was that you weren't pregnant until you missed three periods.

transplant99 · 08-02-2017, 08:18 PM

Sincere condolences to you and your wife. Devastating.

Jiri Hrdina · 08-02-2017, 08:28 PM

My wife and I lost ours two days after we were married. It becomes part of who you are as individuals and a couple. I wish people would talk more openly about it. We found it hard because ignorant people ask what went wrong looking for some reason and often there just isn't.
Your next pregnancy will be tough as the stress will be even higher. But we have a perfectly healthy five year old.
Pm me if you want to talk

Makarov · 08-02-2017, 08:35 PM

Obviously, starting this thread was mostly an exercise in indulgent self-pity. But I completely agree with Wild GM that people should discuss this topic more openly (especially considering how common it is.) I hope, in the future, this thread is "hijacked" by other posters who inevitably go through similar experiences.

kermitology · 08-02-2017, 08:40 PM

My wife had one in between our two girls. We had a 13 month old at the time, and in part it seemed like her body just said "nope" and terminated the pregnancy.

It's far more common than people think, often seeming to be like a particularly bad cramping.

I'm sorry to hear.

GGG · 08-02-2017, 09:01 PM

Dont feel like you have to treat this as a baby. You can if you want to but don't feel guilty if you don't have feelings for it or after a month you don't think about it ever again. We had one in between our two kids and after the first two weeks it wasn't a big deal. It actually softened my views on the ethics of abortion. I bring it up because later with some Acquaintances the topic came up and they thought we were monsters.

I really feel sorry for people though who have chronic miscarriages.

Focus on the good news. You are fertile and can become pregnant.

Nage Waza · 08-02-2017, 09:02 PM

Happened to us as well, we lost our first (ectopic pregnancy, nearly killed my wife). We never really looked back; my wife got healthy and we tried again, two times successfully. It certainly made us look at life differently, I am probably too protective at times.

Flabbibulin · 08-02-2017, 09:07 PM

My wife and I had three miscarriages before having a healthy girl almost 8 months ago. All of them occurred around the 3 month mark, which seems to be the most common time it happens. The first was completely unexpected and we had made the mistake of telling just about everyone we were pregnant way too early. Nothing really makes the post-miscarriage process easy, but having to explain it to everyone certainly made things much worse.

Anyway, all this to say, I know what you are going through and I am very sorry. And every couple is different, but these things can take a toll on your relationship. I would recommend getting any type of support you can through close family and friends. Miscarriages are indeed common, and there are a lot of resources out there to help you work through it.

Ryan Coke · 08-02-2017, 10:03 PM

We had several as we were trying to get pregnant. It was quite the rollercoaster of being happy when we would be pregnant, then the plunge of disappointment after we lost it. It's tough, and my thoughts are with you and your wife.

Thankfully it was all worth it and we have 2 awesome girls, but it was a tough time in our lives. As others have said, it is quite common, and is unfortunately a part of the process for many.

iggy_oi · 08-02-2017, 10:05 PM

My deepest condolencess to you and your wife.

My wife and I also had this happen during our first pregnancy around the 2 month mark, fortunately we were able to have our 2 following pregnancies go full term and as a result are the parents of 2 wonderful healthy children. I hope our experience and knowing that just because it happened once doesn't mean it will happen again can provide you with some hope and comfort in this difficult time. Please remember that even though this is more common than people are often willing to talk about, it can still be very difficult to get through, so don't be afraid to reach out for support if you need to.

Jiri Hrdina · 08-02-2017, 10:08 PM

This may seem odd but I find comfort in the fact that if not for the miscarriage I wouldn't have my daughter. I would have a different kid who I would have loved just as much - but I can't imagine my life and world without my daughter.
Without the miscarriage she doesn't exist.
So for some reason I find comfort in that.

CaptainCrunch · 08-02-2017, 10:09 PM

My Sister lost one, I think it was later on then 6 weeks and I know that it caused some emotional turmoil because no matter what the doctor told her, she blamed herself for the loss.

Its important that both of you have a support system, maybe even beyond each other.

Its important to watch for behavior changes in your wife, or signs of any kind of depression, because some people handle it well and move on, some don't but hide symptoms, and some suffer from some really ugly depression.

I hope that you guys get through this. Just take your time and try not to rush through it or deny things just to appear strong.

Fozzie_DeBear · 08-02-2017, 10:10 PM

As an FYI Alberta Health offers group counselling to couples who have experienced pregnancy loss. We lost our daughter at 37 weeks and it was pretty brutal.