Trouble comes in three . . . shoe drops (depression thread)

[CaptainCrunch]

So I was joking a while ago that trouble comes in threes. For me the first two hit when a friend of mine and his wife were murdered, then I was laid off from my job of the last 7 years.

This isn't about me, though it effects me. I was joking about the whole trouble comes in three thing. I had two things happen, whats next? The NHL season gets locked out, the stamps lose the rest of the games in the season, Disney announces that the next trilogy of movies will be a prequel story about Jar Jar Binks

Tonight after I got done with my interviews I got a call from my dad. A family member who had been going through a rough time killed himself tonight. He got eaten by the depression monster, and the sad thing is that we couldn't find a way to help him because he basically had left town to find himself.

Well I think somewhere a long the way, a person that faced several crisis and separating himself from his friends and family to go on a cross country track, maybe lost the battles to his demons. unbuckled his seat belt and ended his life.

We all talk about looking for signs of mental illness and depression and others. But I need to add to it. If someone close to you says that he needs to leave town for a while to get away from the situation that he's in, and to find himself . . . . don't let him or her do that.

I'm convinced that loneliness is an animal that slowly devours us. I remember watching the movie, its a wonderful life a long time ago where George Bailey stands on a bridge and contemplates suicide and an angel tries to save him by showing him flashbacks of his life, and then a timeline without him and convinces him that life is worth living.

Well tonight I believe that we have to act like that angel and just be aware when someone is flailing.

Look, I don't know what to say, the last time I saw him was at Christmas and I didn't see this coming, and then when things were starting to fall apart for him, I just mis read it or convinced myself that he would bounce back or recover because he seemed like that kind of person. He was funny and personable and never seemed like the kind of guy that would let anything get to him. Man, I was totally wrong.

Depression is a monster that has to be dealt with, its not a matter of stiff upper lip, or buck up the sun will come up tomorrow, its beyond the simple solution. If you know of someone or worried about someone, or have talked about someone that you suspect that might be struggling but you're not sure, pick up the phone, get in your car or just send out an invite and reach out and maybe just make sure they know they have someone.

I don't know if much of this is making sense, things are jumbled and confusing right now, and I just got done talking to the people that I needed too, and now I'm waiting for the funeral.

Personally I was feeling pretty good, the job hunt was going well, I had two good interviews today and more to come this week. Now I don't know what to feel.

[rubecube]

Originally Posted by CaptainCrunch

We all talk about looking for signs of mental illness and depression and others. But I need to add to it. If someone close to you says that he needs to leave town for a while to get away from the situation that he's in, and to find himself . . . . don't let him or her do that.

First of all, sorry for your loss. Secondly, I would stay away from categorical statements like this when it comes to mental illness. Every person's experience with it is unique and unfortunately there's no one-size-fits-all solution to it.

I've been battling persistent depression disorder for the better part of 20 years and it's definitely kicked my ass more than a few times. That said, two instances where I chose to move away from a situation (leaving Calgary in 2008 for Victoria, and moving to Copenhagen for 6 months in 2014) were actually exactly what I needed and are major reasons why I'm still alive today.

[Matt Reeeeead]

Originally Posted by rubecube

First of all, sorry for your loss. Secondly, I would stay away from categorical statements like this when it comes to mental illness. Every person's experience with it is unique and unfortunately there's no one-size-fits-all solution to it.



I've been battling persistent depression disorder for the better part of 20 years and it's definitely kicked my ass more than a few times. That said, two instances where I chose to move away from a situation (leaving Calgary in 2008 for Victoria, and moving to Copenhagen for 6 months in 2014) were actually exactly what I needed and are major reasons why I'm still alive today.

That’s a good point.

The typical answer I have when I see this is to encourage them to seek professional help and try to get in front of it, and to note give up. Let them know that you and your friends are there for them, love them unconditionally, and are will always pick up the phone and be there for them to listen and not over advice.

That’s all about you can do. Can be very powerless.




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[2Stonedbirds]

Sorry to hear this Captain. When these things happen emotions go all over the place. Anger, sadness, the loss seems needless. I know it's hard at times like this, but try to stay positive going into your interviews. If something, anything is bothering you please talk to someone and vent. I hope you and the people close to this person can find some sort of closure in what is truly awful.

[jayswin]

Originally Posted by CaptainCrunch

Tonight after I got done with my interviews I got a call from my dad. A family member who had been going through a rough time killed himself tonight. He got eaten by the depression monster, and the sad thing is that we couldn't find a way to help him because he basically had left town to find himself.

If someone close to you says that he needs to leave town for a while to get away from the situation that he's in, and to find himself . . . . don't let him or her do that.

Captain, I'm really sorry for this loss, and just wanted to mention that the bolded may be you feeling a level of guilt, and you shouldn't. Suicide is a really complicated act that those left behind try to rationalize either convincing themselves that they could or couldn't have done more to help.


People can say they're suicidal for years on end and you could go crazy trying to save them every time, or they could say they need to get away once and kill themselves. It's not reasonable for anyone to feel like they should have had the handle on where they were at.

[KevanGuy]

Sorry to hear dude. Hopefully typing it out and sharing here helps a bit. The more everyone is willing talk about these issues, the sooner we'll all learn to understand them better.

[Jiri Hrdina]

Much like CPR training, I think it would be good if basic training on recognizing when someone is in a mental crisis would be great. It's hard to know when someone is choosing to leave town if they are isolating themselves or making a healthy step. It can be both.

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss Cap

[Wastedyouth]

Going through something similar with my brother at the moment. I have to keep bugging him, texts, phone calls, whatever I can non-stop because I am worried he is going to disappear and we will not find him again. I have already had to track him down 8 times when he has tried to disappear in the last 4 months.

It is hectic and it is exhausting, but what else can you do?

[Dion]

Originally Posted by CaptainCrunch

Look, I don't know what to say, the last time I saw him was at Christmas and I didn't see this coming, and then when things were starting to fall apart for him, I just mis read it or convinced myself that he would bounce back or recover because he seemed like that kind of person. He was funny and personable and never seemed like the kind of guy that would let anything get to him. Man, I was totally wrong.

At the risk of sounding insensitive there's something that needs to be said. Placing guilt on yourself because you say you were totally wrong isn't being fair to you as a person. It's easy to look back and say I could or should have done something different now that facts are in. You did what you thought was right at the time because you believed he would bounce back and recover. Don't allow yourself to go down that dark hole of what ifs and maybes. Be kind to yourself.

Talking about it with people does help and if need be, go talk to a professional who can help you deal with what you are feeling.

Sorry for your loss Captain.

[KootenayFlamesFan]

So sorry Capn. That's a lot of stuff for one person to live through, digest, and live with while thinking about it often. I don't have any words of wisdom, just wanted to say sorry and hope you don't get any more terrible news for a long time.

[calgarybornnraised]

Having a very close friend who recently did exactly what your describing, let me tell you, when a person actually decides to do it I don’t think there’s much you can do to turn them around. It becomes an all knowing thought in their head. They search out their plan, and from my experience you really only see all the signs after it’s to late.

We can go back 5 years talking about our friend and the signs,but at the time it just seemed drunken or stressed out comments.

[AltaGuy]

Sorry for your loss Captain!

I’ve battled pretty severe depression like rubecube - if I had one suggestion for anyone with a loved one in a depressive state (or other psychological distress), it’s that the best thing you can do is gently convince them to seek professional help. And then not so gently if it comes to that. This is the best solution, always.

- People needing help often feel a lot of guilt, shame, and dread of unburdening themselves on a professional. Get them over it or get them through it.
- Help them find the resources. Suggest counsellors, programs, psychologists, therapists, whatever - there’re a ton out there with some searching.
- Try to get them to the help: offer to drive them, make the appointment, whatever. People in psychological distress have a hard time doing things like this.
- Remember that you’re not a professional, and should not shoulder the burden of becoming therapist. Help them get to the professionals.

My advice!

[rotten42]

Sorry to hear of your troubles. I do believe that bad times come in bunches. When I was going through my wonderful 4 year divorce battle I also manage to attend 11 funerals in 17 months. I was seriously waiting to see if my number was going to be called.

[Erick Estrada]

Keep your head up Captain. You have lots of internet friends here that appreciate what you bring to the community. I've been going through some difficult times over the last year but things have worked themselves out and I'm better for it. Better times are ahead for you as well.

[rayne008]

Sorry for your loss CC.

I came across this recently, don't know if I was having a rough day or what, but it stuck with me for some reason. I know it is a corny comic, but perhaps it could help others.

Superman and the Jumper
https://imgur.com/gallery/Ijdxh

[Otto-matic]

Sorry for your loss CC.

http://test4depression.com/english#s...i-state=dialog

Its a great resource to setup some open dialog with the CCC or anyone if you need to talk to. I took the test yesterday and scored a 9-16 and I'm starting to get the ball rolling on talking to someone.

[CaptainCrunch]

Thanks for the advice and feedback guys. I had a tough night reaching out to people. But at the end of the day, I do have to focus on what I have to do.

[direwolf]

Sorry to hear about your troubles, Captain. I've been going through a bit of depression myself over this past year. I moved to Vancouver three years ago to go back to school and try to re-invent myself in a new career, but it's been a struggle. Documentary filmmaking doesn't exactly pay the bills when you're just starting out, so a second full-time job is essential just to make ends meet. I was unemployed for several months, which isn't easy to take as a 43-year old. It didn't help that Vancouver is a very expensive city to live in and the job hunt felt like an oppressive grind at times.

I went through a bad stretch for a while there where I felt embarrassed about my situation and I started to doubt myself and my abilities. I didn't want to be around people for a while...even family members. There were days when I was barely able to get out of bed and I basically cut myself off from humanity like Obi-Wan Kenobi (or Last Jedi-era Skywalker). It wasn't healthy at all.

The good news is that I finally landed a decent job a few weeks ago and my overall mood and feeling of self-worth has significantly improved. It's just good to be around people again and to have a regular schedule/routine, and a reason to leave the house. I agree that loneliness is an animal that can devour us. Human beings need each other, and it's never healthy to cut yourself off from others.

Keep you chin up, dude. Things will get better for you, I can feel it. As mentioned above, you've got friends here at CP if you ever need to vent.

[Dion]

Thank you for participating in the Depression Screening test.

The test allows people to take a short, online, and anonymous questionnaire to check-in with their emotional well-being. The test does not offer a diagnosis, but points out to participants the presence or absence of depressive symptoms and offers a recommendation for further evaluation as necessary.

The Depression Screening test is part of Calgary Counselling Centre’s objective to create awareness for mental health issues and to dispel myths and stigmas related to mental health.

Participation in this test is completely voluntary and all of your responses will be kept completely anonymous and confidential. This means when you submit the test, we have no way of tracking where or who the test came from. Please answer the questions honestly and only complete the test once. The whole test should take about 4 minutes of your time.

http://www.test4depression.com/

[FireFly]

I hesitated to post in this thread because I don't want to take away from anyone who is clinically depressed and needs to get help.

I do want to point out that the weather in Calgary for the last 6 or 7 weeks or so has been unusual in that we haven't had much sunlight. I am one who suffers from SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) and while I haven't actually felt the effects of it since I lived in Kelowna, I have been feeling it lately.
All this is to say that for those of you who may only be feeling some depression recently and perhaps not as drastic as suicidal thoughts, may want to consider looking into light therapy as well. Or for those of you who do have depression, please consider light therapy in addition to your other treatments.

I find it amazing how much the weather affects us and while we are blessed to live in an area with a lot of sunlight hours, this year has been atypical. There are probably a few of you who have been feeling a little more down lately and could use some additional vitamin D.



Again, this is not to say that if you are having suicidal thoughts you should try light therapy! This is just a reminder that there are other factors affecting our mental health at play and for those who may not have a clinical level of depression but are still feeling out of sorts, there may be help for you as well.