Sorry to hear that. I don’t have much to offer other than say hang in there. I’m glad you have your kids to keep you grounded and I’m sure they appreciate having you in their lives. Hoping your situation improves and you can find happiness again. May sound cliche, but getting some professional help (if you haven’t already) could go a long way in improving your mental health.
I live in Ontario, it is too expensive to actually see a professional and the ones that you can get through the system have a waiting list years and years long. It's ok, I will go through the motions until maybe I get lucky and something takes me out. It is what it is.
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I'm in the 8 or 9 range most days. Kids are good but a lot of work at 2 and 4. My wife went to half time work recently, which helps a lot. I've been at a new job for a year now and its the best job I've ever had. Job includes a healthy amount of stress but I'm good at leaving it on the computer and walking away when the family gets home. A few of my best friends moved out of town last year but I have made some new friends recently, which helps. I wish that I had more time in the day to build things because that brings me more joy than anything else but I have accepted that I won't have project time for a few years and I should put my energy into my kids.
I'm sad to hear so many posters are struggling. Good luck to all of you.
It's great to see everyone share how they are...good and bad. It's important to talk about it openly when you can and when it feels right.
6 for me - coming out of a 3/4
I work way too much and this was the first time that it started to affect me mentally. I isolated myself a lot...often in the last 3 months I'd be working from 9:00am to 4:00am - and it wasn't just hanging on set as an actor, it was intensive post-production film work. Sitting for that long and alienating people really took its toll on myself, relationship, friendships...but I'm coming out of it.
What keeps me going? I have this amazing 13 year old daughter who is kind and heart-forward and she's such a ray of sun on sometimes gloomy days...I'm so darn proud of her.
And I do have this amazing film career with a bunch of roles that were challenging, but rewarding, that are starting to see the light of day.
I went to therapy not long ago - loved it - really put things in perspective and gave me clear action items that I can act upon.
quite a few tough life stories here, thanks for sharing.
Me... fluctuates madly between 3-7'ish. Too many variables so some days it's both ends of the spectrum. Don't wanna say too much in case someone I know happens upon my post ranting 'n revealing stuff that clearly id's me. Definitely carrying too much stress that is almost impossible to make go away short of a major life event.
That all said have some family that have made big positive moves the last year (and others with a few horrible health things too, which I won't dwell on). Have been trying to make new friends the last few years - it's been frustrating but this last year has finally started positive results. Damn it's hard making new decent caring friends it seems. Meanwhile some others just get lost in their own navel gazing and DGAS which is so disappointing - basically had to walk away from a few friends that weren't worth the energy anymore.
Am optimistically hopeful I can reduce device screentime, improve financial decision making, improve relationships, improve mental health, gotta strive towards a lower stress life that could support retirement in ~5-8 years (whatever retirement means), and lastly hoping to successfully plan and execute a big family vacation in 2024.
All that being said... reading all the above shares I feel I can relate to so many people and feel that a good pub session could be wildly fun/successful in an awkward way. Might have to spot a few people a bevvie or two though to make it accessible.
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2. Just got a bunch of anti-depressants from the doctor after dealing with some long stemming bad thoughts. Some tough financial issues with not having a job since I moved here. Christmas and 2 of the kids bdays in the next 2 months. Close family member is basically homeless and having mental issues of his own where I have little to no resources to help.
2024 will be better... right?
I'd like to think so, but no.
My experience is that it can always be worse and often is.
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Family is healthy, successful (or getting going) with their own lives, and happy. And that's a big relief as a parent. My son-in-law is an absolute moron, but a harmless one. I don't think he knows the difference between AA and AAA batteries. Can't have it all.
With the exception of a couple cardiac events the last two years, I am reasonably healthy for a 60-something T1 diabetic. Career has mostly wound down except some consulting. No idea what I am going to do with my free time. My wife will keep working until she's dead, I suspect. Probably can't do her after that (heeeeeeey-ooo!!)
Okay, I just laughed my ass off at this, so you've improved my mental state for the morning. Thanks!
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A lot to be grateful for but also an ongoing unabating struggle with anxiety that I have some practices to help keep it down to somewhat manageable levels. Could be much worse...
Following news makes it worse. Try to avoid, but hard these days of course - especially on the local front when you're embedded in the healthcare system which the ruling government is dismantling...maybe I'm <7 if I'm being realistic lol
First, I think it’s great that people are being vulnerable and open talking about this. I’ve had several friends in the last couple years end their lives, and it’s hard not to wonder if it could have been prevented if they felt more comfortable asking for help.
For me I’d say I’m a 7.
The last few years have had some ups and downs, with the biggest down being my marriage ending. I now see that’s the right thing, but it’s been hard on my daughter and that breaks my heart. I have a good relationship with my ex, but you grieve the life you thought you were going to have, and see constant reminders of that. The world is set up for families and couples that fit the standard. One thing that has created severe stress for me is a constant fight with Revenue Canada who are refusing to allow me to deduct my spousal support payments. So that has created a different net income outcome for me than what was negotiated. No one tells you how hard this is, and it often feels like no one has my back. On the emotional side, it’s hard not to feel bad about yourself when the person that chose you to be their partner, un-chooses you. That cuts deep. I miss having a partner and someone to share experiences with and worry about not being able to find that again.
My job is stressful. But I love the people I work with, who I have formed incredible deep relationships with. And I believe in what I do. I think it matters. I used to play sports a lot to relieve stress which was great, as it was one of the only times where I would be completely in the moment, just thinking about the game. I suffered a catastrophic knee injury that meant I had to give up all the sports I loved. And I’ve not replaced that.
I have a close group of friends who I can depend on and even though we don’t see each other a ton, when we do, we just pick back up. My closets friends go back 30 years.
Several years ago I suffered from severe insomnia that took my down to a 2. It destroyed me. But I got help and now know how to manage it. But sleep is so important.
The most important source of joy for me is my daughter. So when I feel down I just look to her and remind myself how lucky I am. And I don’t regret any decisions I made because all those millions of small and big decisions led to her being in my life.
So overall I’ve had some tough thing, but I am grateful for what I have and optimistic for the future.
Last edited by Jiri Hrdina; 11-17-2023 at 05:54 PM.
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First, I think it’s great that people are being vulnerable and open talking about this. I’ve had several friends in the last couple years end their lives, and it’s hard not to wonder if it could have been prevented if they felt more comfortable asking for help.
For me I’d say I’m a 7.
The last few years have had some ups and downs, with the biggest down being my marriage ending. I now see that’s the right thing, but it’s been hard on my daughter and that breaks my heart. I have a good relationship with my ex, but you grieve the life you thought you were going to have, and see constant reminders of that. The world is set up for families and couples that fit the stand. One thing that has created severe stress for me is a constant fight with Revenue Canada who are refusing to allow me to deduct my spousal support payments. So that has created a different net income outcome for me than what was negotiated. No one tells you how hard this is, and it often feels like no one has my back. On the emotional side, it’s hard not to feel bad about yourself when the person that chose you to be their partner, un-chooses you. That cuts deep. I miss having a partner and someone to share experiences with and worry about not being able to find that again.
My job is stressful. But I love the people I work with, who I have formed incredible deep relationships with. And I believe in what I do. I think it matters. I used to play sports a lot to relieve stress which was great, as it was one of the only times where I would be completely in the moment, just thinking about the game. I suffered a catastrophic knee injury that meant I had to give up all the sports I loved. And I’ve not replaced that.
I have a close group of friends who I can depend on and even though we don’t see each other a ton, when we do, we just pick back up. My closets friends go back 30 years.
Several years ago I suffered from severe insomnia that took my down to a 2. It destroyed me. But I got help and now know how to manage it. But sleep is so important.
The most important source of joy for me is my daughter. So when I feel down I just look to her and remind myself how lucky I am. And I don’t regret any decisions I made because all those millions of small and big decisions led to her being in my life.
So overall I’ve had some tough thing, but I am grateful for what I have and optimistic for the future.
Kids are such a gift. They are the only important thing we will leave behind when we aren’t around anymore.
Just bought new skates, going to public skate here at lunch. Been playing hockey for ~35 years now. New blades always feels like it did the first time.
Give me a clean sheet and I’ll write you poetry on wings of steel
-some old beer commercial
Personally things have improved a lot after a messy breakup over the summer. Somehow managed to very recently land "the one who got away" from years ago, I'm still shocked. Not trying to get too ahead of myself, but our life plans line up very well, so I'm cautiously optimistic. Have some good new friends too, not putting all my eggs into a relationship.
Professionally I'm not very happy. My job/pay is fine and a good career for people who like it, but I really don't. It was just my "fallback on my degree" option should my career go sideways, which sadly after several years it did shortly before Covid when it felt like all of downtown was getting laid off. Basically just been spinning my wheels in that regard the last 3-4 years, really need to do something about that.
There's been opportunities to move up that I've passed on as I really don't like what I'm doing and thus don't want to get even deeper into it with more responsibility, but don't have the heart to tell co-workers it's because I don't like the career we're all in, so I think they assume I'm just flakey or lazy or something. Kind of an unnerving feeling and not really sure how to get out, especially with rent getting jacked up around the city, given I get paid ok and taking a risk in a more enjoyable career will probably equal less money at first. Makes me feel stuck.
Interesting to hear others' feelings as well, sometimes I mistakenly assume everybody is killing it on CP.
Last edited by Sainters7; 11-17-2023 at 02:06 PM.
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Family is healthy, successful (or getting going) with their own lives, and happy. And that's a big relief as a parent. My son-in-law is an absolute moron, but a harmless one. I don't think he knows the difference between AA and AAA batteries. Can't have it all.
With the exception of a couple cardiac events the last two years, I am reasonably healthy for a 60-something T1 diabetic. Career has mostly wound down except some consulting. No idea what I am going to do with my free time. My wife will keep working until she's dead, I suspect. Probably can't do her after that (heeeeeeey-ooo!!)
Does your son-in-law know you have such a low opinion of him?
First, I think it’s great that people are being vulnerable and open talking about this. I’ve had several friends in the last couple years end their lives, and it’s hard not to wonder if it could have been prevented if they felt more comfortable asking for help.
For me I’d say I’m a 7.
The last few years have had some ups and downs, with the biggest down being my marriage ending. I now see that’s the right thing, but it’s been hard on my daughter and that breaks my heart. I have a good relationship with my ex, but you grieve the life you thought you were going to have, and see constant reminders of that. The world is set up for families and couples that fit the stand. One thing that has created severe stress for me is a constant fight with Revenue Canada who are refusing to allow me to deduct my spousal support payments. So that has created a different net income outcome for me than what was negotiated. No one tells you how hard this is, and it often feels like no one has my back. On the emotional side, it’s hard not to feel bad about yourself when the person that chose you to be their partner, un-chooses you. That cuts deep. I miss having a partner and someone to share experiences with and worry about not being able to find that again.
My job is stressful. But I love the people I work with, who I have formed incredible deep relationships with. And I believe in what I do. I think it matters. I used to play sports a lot to relieve stress which was great, as it was one of the only times where I would be completely in the moment, just thinking about the game. I suffered a catastrophic knee injury that meant I had to give up all the sports I loved. And I’ve not replaced that.
I have a close group of friends who I can depend on and even though we don’t see each other a ton, when we do, we just pick back up. My closets friends go back 30 years.
Several years ago I suffered from severe insomnia that took my down to a 2. It destroyed me. But I got help and now know how to manage it. But sleep is so important.
The most important source of joy for me is my daughter. So when I feel down I just look to her and remind myself how lucky I am. And I don’t regret any decisions I made because all those millions of small and big decisions led to her being in my life.
So overall I’ve had some tough thing, but I am grateful for what I have and optimistic for the future.
Ugh...preach.
It astonishes me to no end how disconnected Lawyers and Judges and the entire system is from the central realities of these things.
Lawyers and the Court systems put these things together often without any rational concept of the real-world implications.
Shouldnt they have experience doing this? These are the fundamental basis of our society and its like they operate as though they've never done this before and don't know the goddamned rules.
I had a partner at a Law Firm SCREAM at me over the phone a few months back because when I was going over a document for a client the templates they provided were at minimum 15 years old.
So I just corrected them.
"Well you're going to cost us thousands of dollars to update all of this and Blah, Blah, Blah!!!"
Dude. Cost of doing Business.
What concerns me more is that you've been using these outrageously outdated templates that make no sense and in some cases are straight-up wrong and you've been submitting this to Courts and nobody said anything until I stepped in?? What. The. Fata??
Between Courts and Banks...the crap that I've seen? I have seriously grave concerns about the Fundamentals of our social system.
I am not a Lawyer. I am not a Banker. I am not a Financier. But some of the crap I've seen recently? I have grave concerns about the fundamentals of our society.
Why should someone who is, by no means, an expert in these realms be the one finding dead-obvious faults in them?
That dives the ol' mental health score I tell you.
__________________ The Beatings Shall Continue Until Morale Improves!
This Post Has Been Distilled for the Eradication of Seemingly Incurable Sadness.
If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a Fire Exit. - Mitch Hedberg
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I'd say 3, but trending upwards for the first in in a long time. I had real mental health challenges over the last three years. Combination of anxiety and ADD that just fed off one another and events in my life, and made me almost unable to do anything at times.
ADD medication is really helping, and for the first time in a long time I'm feeling like I can actually get things done again. However, the degree to which I've neglected life over the last couple years really added up and getting back to normal feels like an almost insurmountable hill to climb.
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I don't know if it's just me, but I've been having issues answering this question in a way that makes sense to me. I've started typing a response about 4-5 times and each time I take a momentary step back and it just doesn't sound right or sound like me/the circumstances I'm facing or makes it sound like I have some major undiagnosed mental health issues, but I've spoken with a therapist and I really don't think that's the case, so I delete the post.
I'd say my current baseline is about an 7-8 for mood and I'm working towards more consistency in a 9+ longer term. I've set 3, 5 and 8 year goals and forecasted expectations and certain things do look to be on track to hit the necessary milestones to aim towards a 9+ in mood. Things like recently restructuring my finances to be more manageable cash flow wise in 3 years and be completely debt free by year 8 (ie: Mortgage, auto, LOC etc.) where unlocking that cash flow and unloading that financial burden would be huge. Other things like in year 3, both kids are in grade 1 and higher and the schedule is more familiar and finally finishing off a lot of one time administration transitional things and being able to focus on a turn key business... the logic is there for excitement in expectations of a steady decrease in the categories that current cause me a ton of stress. Also, less time spent on certain things that should disappear in the coming months to the next 3 years means I can also spend more time doing more hobbies, hosting parties etc. and that sense of accomplishment and interaction will also contribute towards more consistently positive vibes.
But... at the start of this year, I took a leap career wise. There's so much administration to deal with like registration, client communication, technology/procedural upgrades, financing, negotiation etc. that are time consuming and bleh. Plans are in motion for the next level of expansion. I'm currently in week 7 or 8 of some insanity deadlines with another 2.5 to 3 weeks to go on another large batch. This death march basically is a major stressor. Even prior to this, I've felt burnt out. I average 4-6 hours of sleep a day which is contributing to the burnout and exhaustion. Plus, the kids are getting to school age and there's been a major transition in terms of their schedule. The commute is twice as long and will stay at approximately that level for the next 2 or 3 years until we can get the kids to relatively the same location and on similar schedules (WTF is the insane variations on schedules for preschool and kindergarten?). Health issues have popped up with myself/family/parents/in-laws in a #### show of coincidence, but they're dumb temporary things like sprains, wrist and knee surgeries that should get better over time and not be long term concerns. All of this contributes to me constantly yo-yoing up and down from the 8 ish range into the 3-4 range on a daily basis when I just run out of energy and patience. The level 3-4 mood is temporary because the causes are temporary and coincidentally they're happening at the same time which is stretching me thin. So I'm optimistic that things will get better, hang in there.
That's why it feels weird. To say I'm flying up and down from 3-4 to 7-8 on a daily basis if not every other day sounds like another issue that others have. I didn't want to post it that way and make it sound like I'm making light of others' situation, so I kept starting over. It's the burnout and exhausting temporary conditions making me experience daily 3-4, but personality wise I am the type to have 7-8 levels on a daily basis too. Certainly some of my behaviours are considered objectively erratic and excessive to some, but from my POV, it's my normal based on my ADHD + OCPD circumstances.
24 months ago, I was swinging between a 1-2 to 7-8. My wife and I were working longer hours, thinking we couldn't let anything drop, still figuring out the major changes needed for parenthood, pandemic etc. Many have been addressed now and continue to be addressed. It was bad. Like... occasional intrusive suicidal thoughts bad. "Driving into oncoming traffic would offer more restful peace than just sleep would offer" types of thoughts. I'm glad I'm no longer in that place and quite a few major changes have been made in the last 18 months to safeguard against sliding back into that zone.
We've both changed our career approach and we're learning how to deal with our new normal in a healthier and sustainable way. One of the biggest things we're doing next is going on a huge purge in our home. Like 30-40% of all our possessions in our home type of thing because that has been a significant trigger for mental anguish and frustration (useless crap/broken trash, why did we spend money on this OMG money is tight, it's messy and messy sucks, I can't find what I truly want in this ####, cleaning is tiring, OMG so messy and embarrassing when guests come over etc.). Less is more.
There's ups and downs and I'm excited to be on a steady upwards path that is also intentional in putting in methods to avoid sliding back down even if we take momentary pauses (ie: Like building stairs with platforms so more effort is required to go back down vs just trying to gun it up an incline and gravity taking over when we stop moving).
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It astonishes me to no end how disconnected Lawyers and Judges and the entire system is from the central realities of these things.
Lawyers and the Court systems put these things together often without any rational concept of the real-world implications.
Shouldnt they have experience doing this? These are the fundamental basis of our society and its like they operate as though they've never done this before and don't know the goddamned rules.
I had a partner at a Law Firm SCREAM at me over the phone a few months back because when I was going over a document for a client the templates they provided were at minimum 15 years old.
So I just corrected them.
"Well you're going to cost us thousands of dollars to update all of this and Blah, Blah, Blah!!!"
Dude. Cost of doing Business.
What concerns me more is that you've been using these outrageously outdated templates that make no sense and in some cases are straight-up wrong and you've been submitting this to Courts and nobody said anything until I stepped in?? What. The. Fata??
Between Courts and Banks...the crap that I've seen? I have seriously grave concerns about the Fundamentals of our social system.
I am not a Lawyer. I am not a Banker. I am not a Financier. But some of the crap I've seen recently? I have grave concerns about the fundamentals of our society.
Why should someone who is, by no means, an expert in these realms be the one finding dead-obvious faults in them?
That dives the ol' mental health score I tell you.
It's all English until colloquial English, tort law English, Business corporations act law English, CPA handbook law English and ITA law English don't agree.
No point in getting annoyed with those lawyers. "I was just trying to help. But if it's going to cost you too much to fix, I'll just file as is and make sure to remind the client that you're on the hook for the costs of fixing things if things go sideways purely because CRA and courts inevitably reject this document."
I used to argue when I was younger and I guess I'm getting smarter as I age. Arguing with an idiot just lets them bring me down to their level and beat me with experience. Send an email, document the stance and the fact it has been pointed out, file and move on. No need to take the hit personally emotionally or financially for someone that puts in effort to not give a ####. I really do not understand people that refuse to collaborate.
I have one that I believe will one day go completely sideways because the poor wording can be interpreted in multiple ways and the lawyer would rather spend an hour on the phone and email to explain why they refuse to make the changes vs adding half a dozen words to clarify the methodology in two seconds of the business agreement.
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It's all English until colloquial English, tort law English, Business corporations act law English, CPA handbook law English and ITA law English don't agree.
No point in getting annoyed with those lawyers. "I was just trying to help. But if it's going to cost you too much to fix, I'll just file as is and make sure to remind the client that you're on the hook for the costs of fixing things if things go sideways purely because CRA and courts inevitably reject this document."
I used to argue when I was younger and I guess I'm getting smarter as I age. Arguing with an idiot just lets them bring me down to their level and beat me with experience. Send an email, document the stance and the fact it has been pointed out, file and move on. No need to take the hit personally emotionally or financially for someone that puts in effort to not give a ####. I really do not understand people that refuse to collaborate.
I have one that I believe will one day go completely sideways because the poor wording can be interpreted in multiple ways and the lawyer would rather spend an hour on the phone and email to explain why they refuse to make the changes vs adding half a dozen words to clarify the methodology in two seconds of the business agreement.
Thing is...I largely work with people.
Not large Corporations with legal budgets. You screw these real people over...its their money.
They are paying because that firm is not doing a good job.
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If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a Fire Exit. - Mitch Hedberg
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