Rate your current mental health level out of 10

[nik-]

How does one define "feeling manly"?

[Locke]

Originally Posted by nik-

How does one define "feeling manly"?

Oh this could go a whole number of ways.

[PepsiFree]

Originally Posted by nik-

How does one define "feeling manly"?

Depending on which influencer you follow it could be:

A. Gaining a more stereotypical male physique
B. Inhabiting traits that defined masculinity 50 years ago
C. Sniffing the taint and drinking the cum of your plutonic male brethren

[nik-]

Originally Posted by PepsiFree

Depending on which influencer you follow it could be:

A. Gaining a more stereotypical male physique
B. Inhabiting traits that defined masculinity 50 years ago
C. Sniffing the taint and drinking the cum of your plutonic male brethren

I ask it honestly because it's really not something I've thought about. There are so many problems in life that I didn't even realize not feeling manly was one of them. What is features of "manly" that a man thinks they're missing regardless of the fact that they are literally a man? If the answer is "looking more masculine" (which, again, how is that defined), that honestly comes across as masking a deeper problem rather than addressing it, to me at least.

[blankall]

Originally Posted by GordonBlue

I know exactly where we are.
And if his beliefs help his mental health, I mean it, good for him.

but I got the vibe from his posts that I've seen elsewhere online. Where those in that anti-woke mens culture hope to manipulate people in a vulnerable mental state, under the guise of helping. Just my opinion.

Obviously you don't get that feeling.

Old Dutch, instead of sending a PM for your recipe, are you willing to share who some of your help gurus here that inspire your journey? If nothing else, it might educate me from perhaps wrongly lumping you in with the people who are misogynistic in their guidance of regaining their manhood.

Uhhh...he didn't even mention anything about "gurus" or wokeness.

He said he took some time to work on his health/appearance and got a hobby where he gets to be social. He mentioned being "stronger" and enjoying being social and you took some wild leap about Andrew Tate, who is a misognistic sex trafficker.

[photon]

Originally Posted by nik-

How does one define "feeling manly"?

I'm a man so by definition anything I feel is feeling manly.

EDIT: My avatar is a teenage space magic wielding girl, that's by definition manly.

[you&me]

Anyone who's been through relative highs and lows of fitness / strength knows that being stronger / trimmer / fitter simply feels better and can affect your mood, confidence and overall feeling of well-being.

It seems too many posters are hung up on the word "manly" - which OldDutch never used in the context of describing himself or how he feels - when they should instead be focussing on someone here sharing something they've done that has resulted in a positive change in their life and what others can take from that.

GordonBlue's take was terrible and it's ridiculous that it's lead to this tangent, all from a "good news" post in a thread that could use more of that...

[PepsiFree]

Originally Posted by you&me

Anyone who's been through relative highs and lows of fitness / strength knows that being stronger / trimmer / fitter simply feels better and can affect your mood, confidence and overall feeling of well-being.

It seems too many posters are hung up on the word "manly" - which OldDutch never used in the context of describing himself or how he feels - when they should instead be focussing on someone here sharing something they've done that has resulted in a positive change in their life and what others can take from that.

GordonBlue's take was terrible and it's ridiculous that it's lead to this tangent, all from a "good news" post in a thread that could use more of that...

Well, part of it is clearly based on this comment:

Originally Posted by OldDutch

I fell for the modern take that anything manly is wrong.

Which isn’t really “real” and does present the question of what, exactly, we’re talking about when we talk about “manly,” especially considering OldDutch was the first person to mention the word were apparently too hung up on. And I think it’s a valid question to ask, especially when rejecting the supposed societal opinion that “anything manly is wrong” is part of the “recipe” for turning your life around.

I think it’s important to break that down, especially in this thread of all places. I doubt very much I’m the only person who sees someone having done well for their own outlook and happiness and wants to dig deeper into the mindset or process behind it than platitudes about manliness.

[Erick Estrada]

Originally Posted by nik-

I ask it honestly because it's really not something I've thought about. There are so many problems in life that I didn't even realize not feeling manly was one of them. What is features of "manly" that a man thinks they're missing regardless of the fact that they are literally a man? If the answer is "looking more masculine" (which, again, how is that defined), that honestly comes across as masking a deeper problem rather than addressing it, to me at least.

I don't know. Working out triggers the release of endorphins and serotonin which is good for mental health. If being a little buff brings with it higher confidence and self-esteem there's nothing wrong with that. I don't know why some of you have to take this discussions down a negative path. It's not exactly in this spirit of this thread.

[nik-]

It's this part that raise the curiosity trigger in me.

Originally Posted by OldDutch

I fell for the modern take that anything manly is wrong.

That's not "I feel better mentally because I'm in better shape and look better physically". That's something else. I've literally never heard this supposed modern take and I'm curious where it comes from.

[TheIronMaiden]

I work with a lot of seniors and with out a doubt the ones who are the happiest are also the ones who have the best mobility. Strength for aesthetics is over rated, but strength as it relates to mobility is super underrated.

[activeStick]

Originally Posted by nik-

I find that a crushing heroin addiction is excellent for weight loss.

H is really bad. I'd suggest blow instead! Less chance of it being life-ruining!

[Icantwhisper]

Imagine coming to a thread where someone expresses how much better they feel because they are taking care of their body, opening up to and reaching out to men for support, and are willing to helps others looking for guidance, and your response is to #### on them for it.

[TheIronMaiden]

I would also like to add, I don't think there is anything wrong wit being "manly" or wanting to be "manly". That said, putting people down for not being "manly" is wrong, just the same, putting someone down for wanting to be manly is also wrong. Isn't the whole point for people to express their gender however they like?

[puckedoff]

Originally Posted by Icantwhisper

Imagine coming to a thread where someone expresses how much better they feel because they are taking care of their body, opening up to and reaching out to men for support, and are willing to helps others looking for guidance, and your response is to #### on them for it.

Totally. ActiveStick needs to settle down, if doing H is what helps someone else it is none of his business!

[MRCboicgy]

Originally Posted by TheIronMaiden

I work with a lot of seniors and with out a doubt the ones who are the happiest are also the ones who have the best mobility. Strength for aesthetics is over rated, but strength as it relates to mobility is super underrated.

Actually, this is really changed my outlook on fitness, and has made the way I approach physical health, well, healthier - and since this is the mental health thread, I think it's apropos to talk about.

I've been fortunate to have the same personal trainer for the past 8 years, and when I turned 40 not too long ago, he sat me down and spoke about how my focus moving forward should be on mobility and setting myself up for the next 40+ years.

Simple things like switching to a hexbar for deadlifts, for example, as a more natural movement.

[PepsiFree]

Originally Posted by Icantwhisper

Imagine coming to a thread where someone expresses how much better they feel because they are taking care of their body, opening up to and reaching out to men for support, and are willing to helps others looking for guidance, and your response is to #### on them for it.

While people are piling on the poster, it’s probably worth mentioning that they’ve been very vocal about their own struggles with mental health. In which case, informing them they crossed a line is probably fine, but having multiple people rake them over the coals for it is maybe not in the spirit of the thread.

[TorqueDog]

Originally Posted by PepsiFree

While people are piling on the poster, it’s probably worth mentioning that they’ve been very vocal about their own struggles with mental health. In which case, informing them they crossed a line is probably fine, but having multiple people rake them over the coals for it is maybe not in the spirit of the thread.

He made the first post, people commented, and then he doubled-down. Blame lies pretty solely on GB, IMHO. It isn't like this is real-time conversation where there's no chance to step back and consider your next action or comment.

I mean, especially saying such a thing about the "Men need men" observation; are we just going to forget how absolutely awful and isolating the pandemic was? In my observation, dudes didn't tend to have nearly the tight social circles that women were able to maintain. OldDutch was pretty bang-on.

[Scroopy Noopers]

Originally Posted by PepsiFree

While people are piling on the poster, it’s probably worth mentioning that they’ve been very vocal about their own struggles with mental health. In which case, informing them they crossed a line is probably fine, but having multiple people rake them over the coals for it is maybe not in the spirit of the thread.

Honestly I felt bad about replying immediately because of the context that I’ve read before. I hesitated coming back worried it would be continuing. I could have responded in a more positive and constructive way.

[DoubleF]

One thing I've started working on over the last year that maybe seems to be helping me, is committing towards living life to the fullest. Not to be morbid or fatalist, but I've started trying to live life as if I am going to die one day after my 48th birthday and on the day before I am to die, I wouldn't be able to think of something I regret not accomplishing. I am currently in my mid 30s.

If I were to die on my 48th birthday, I will have committed towards living a life to that point where I can die with no regrets.

My goals:
- I will have been a present father and husband (hopefully not ex)
- I will have done my best to guide my children towards feeling like they can do whatever they put their mind to.
- I will be completely debt free (Life insurance and financially responsible) and although what I leave behind will probably not be considered generational wealth, it at least will not be considered a burden to those that I leave it all to
- Those that remember me fondly will exceed those that did not like me by at least a factor of 5:1
- Due to proper revisions to the way I care for my body, I will be able to do whatever I want to without being restricted by my body until that day.
- I will celebrate any milestone I hope to achieve by 48 from the moment I accomplish it until I reach the age of 48. I will not move the milestone just because I have accomplished it early. This might mean I celebrate these accomplishments for years.

Now... for this mindset, if for some inconceivable reason I survive past this age. I celebrate all that I have achieved by the age of 48 and I can set new goals and dreams to achieve by the age of 60, if I were to die a day after my 60th birthday. But I will also not forget to continue celebrating my accomplishments by the age of 48. Kinda like a little bit of a gratitude journal type of strategy.

Now, supposedly this thought process is loosely related to stoicism and aiming for a state of eudaimonia, but I didn't read these philosophies prior to starting this idea. I mainly just based it on the idea of "death motivates us" and "live a life without regret". I also kinda based it on a weird realization I noticed when I was watching the survival series "Alone". Those guys could wander into a forest with a set target to survive for several months and accomplish it easily. But once they had no idea what the duration and timeline was (competing against each other), some of those guys started unraveling quickly within days or weeks. This even though they'd done significantly longer than that prior to that.

"I'll accomplish this in a few years, as soon as possible etc." is a bit different than "I have a decade left to accomplish this." kinda like the difference in focus and time management technique one might attain if focusing on a Pomodoro count down technique vs an unfocused approach where you waste time and then do it at the last moment.

One of the things I've started noticing by thinking this way is that I can start to more easily see what activities (big or small) move me towards my end goals and what activities are like side quests. It kinda allows me to look at things in sort of a wider lens and certain mundane things now look like important fundamental blocks and steps in the right direction towards a real tangible target. For some categories it allows me to feel like I see a bit clearly vs being in a fog and having no idea how far things will go, when to do it, etc. For instance in the topic of finances, I think it is allowing me to better see a balance between fervently saving vs enjoying life, enjoying a meal vs weight loss etc.

I also realize it also occasionally gives me insight into what is kinda unnecessary and keeping me from my goal. Rental properties isn't me. It's what other people are aiming for. Certain relationships with some people are holding me back or making me move in the opposite direction of my goal. Avoiding steps in the wrong direction are just as important as making incremental steps in the right direction which is just as important in removing obstacles that block me from making steps in any direction.


Now I'm not suggesting others to do what I am doing. I'm still figuring out what this means to me and how I might do it. It could be an idea that completely fails. However, I do think there's something in the idea of counting down towards a targeted date where everything from that point on is going to be perceived as gravy. I hope the idea works.

If I told my younger self from a decade ago what I have achieved so far, I think I'd give myself a high five, even if some of the things I had thought in my 20s that I wanted to accomplish by my 30s didn't happen. Instead I was feeling kinda down for a while (pandemic certainly didn't help) even though me in my 20s would have looked up to who I am today and probably aspired to reach the same result. 20s me wouldn't look at 30s me and see a failure. Figuring out how to view 30s me like 20s me is a goal. So, similar concept, but my goal for me as of today would be high fiving me as of age 48 and be like, "Wow! You did it!"