Religion & Young Children

[The Fonz]

I'll preface by saying that neither myself nor my wife are theists.

I have 4 & 5 year old children, and I'm realizing I will need to have a conversation with them about religion/God/Jesus/whoever, sooner than later. They're at that age where some of their friends are going to church, and speaking about God - that kind of thing. My kids are likely wondering wtf these kids are talking about.

I really don't know how to approach this topic. I don't think I can share my honest truth with them... they'd surely repeat it to other kids, as kids do. But I also don't want to tell them a "truth" which I do not believe and quite frankly, think the world would be better off without.

I'm curious to hear how other parents have approached this topic with their young children, when the time was appropriate? What worked well? Anything you wish you'd have done differently?

[wireframe]

I was honest with my 5 year old. I said something along the lines of "Some people think that a magic ghost called god controls everything and everybody. Your mom and I don't think that's true." and I left it open to more conversation when she wants it.

[photon]

Yeah I tried to be honest with my kid but tried to do it in a way that wouldn't give the message that I'd be disappointed in him if he explored that kind of thing.

I'd say I am generally a naturalist and that while some people believe god/gods exist the things that we used to attribute to god or the supernatural over time have been explained by natural phenomenon. Over time what's attributed to god/supernatural has drastically shrunk, so there's no reason to believe what some people currently think of god is accurate.

Is there a watchmaker type god that set the original conditions of universe? Maybe. Does believing in such a god make any difference in my life. Not in the slightest.

Is there a personal god helping me find a parking space and otherwise helping/influenicing/controlling my life? Not by any kind of honest evaluation I can bring to bear.

But, like all beliefs should be, my beliefs around it are provisional and subject to change with new evidence.

[ResAlien]

Originally Posted by wireframe

I was honest with my 5 year old. I said something along the lines of "Some people think that a magic ghost called god controls everything and everybody. Your mom and I don't think that's true." and I left it open to more conversation when she wants it.

I’m far from religious but if you framed it that way you made your position very clear while pretending to remain neutral.

Personally I did something similar without the dismissive verbiage. Some people believe this, others don’t, you can decide which you’d like to pursue.

If she wanted to go to church with a friend I said ok go for it and we’d have a quick discussion about it when she got back. As she got older and more curious about my beliefs I’d share them but trying to remain truly neutral was my goal. It’s good for some people and bad for others, you gotta trust your children to make those decisions themselves you can’t do it for them.

[DownInFlames]

Don't be heavy-handed about it. Theists have all kinds of talking points to counter overt denial of a god's existence.

Teach them science and reason and let them figure it out. Tell them it's ok not to know things and it's the pursuit of knowledge that makes us human.

[FlamesAddiction]

This is something I think about sometimes. I was raised in a Catholic family, but our branch of the family was not really engaged that much. By the time I was a teenager, we were pretty much disengaged completely and it hasn't player a big role in my life since then. I consider myself agnostic for the most part now. If anything, I lean more towards a shamanistic mind set, but don't have any organized outlook.

My kid, who is 8 years old, has been raised completely without religion. She has never stepped inside a church or any other religious institution. She has no idea about it and hasn't really asked any hard questions yet. Recently, she started saying "Jesus Christ" when she gets irritated about stuff and I tried to explain to her that she could offend people, and she didn't get it. On Halloween, she went trick or treating with a Muslim kid, and at the end of the night, he gave her all his jelly candies because they contain gelatin, which is not Halal. She didn't mind of course, but she had questions that I couldn't articulate answers for that satisfied her. Or she didn't get why at her birthday party, I made an extra stop to get a Halal pizza for a couple of her friends.

I would like to get her thinking about spirituality, but not in an organized religion. But I also don't want to get her all freaked out about existentialist stuff if she isn't ready for it. I have kind of taken the approach that at some point, she will get curious and start self-learning, but I also don't want her falling for the first cult that comes knocking...lol. Most people I know who were raised without religion, never really adopted one later in life, but the couple of people I know who were raised atheists and later became religious went right off the rails with it. I think having academic knowledge about religions is helpful to let kids know that these ideas exist, and they can be good, but also dangerous.

Even though I don't consider myself a Catholic anymore, I have a lot of nostalgic feelings about the traditions and social aspect of it from when I was kid. I think it helped that my parents were not hardcore into it and treated it more as a cultural thing than a religious thing. They didn't raise me with the fear or god like a lot of other Catholics. It was just kind of like, this is what we do, because our parents did it, and their parents before them, and so on. It just kind of gave a sense of family history and continuity, and sometimes I actually feel a little guilty for being the end of that line.

[btimbit]

He was only 4 so we didn't get too deep into it. Didn't wanna lie but didn't really wanna tell him my real thoughts and have him repeat it to a religious friend and cause friction. So left it at "Your mother and I never believed that stuff, but if you want to look into it when you're older, that's up to you"

[photon]

Originally Posted by DownInFlames

Teach them science and reason and let them figure it out. Tell them it's ok not to know things and it's the pursuit of knowledge that makes us human.

Yeah I think trying to teach them HOW you've arrived at your current conclusions is way more important than the conclusions themselves.

And yeah the fear of "I don't know" so ingrained in everything, if they can learn that they're ahead of 60% of people it feels like.

[Locke]

Originally Posted by wireframe

I was honest with my 5 year old. I said something along the lines of "Some people think that a magic ghost called god controls everything and everybody. Your mom and I don't think that's true." and I left it open to more conversation when she wants it.

Have you taught her about Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy?

[Engine09]

I was lucky that my father was a great guy, very accepting and kind. Never pushed it on us or used religion to frighten us. We went to church for years when we were kids and learned all the fairy tale gibberish, learned enough that my brother and I are both absolute atheists.

All you need to do is be a good parent, kids figure out the bull#### for themselves eventually. I was 13 years old when I grew out of magical belief.

[wireframe]

Originally Posted by ResAlien

I’m far from religious but if you framed it that way you made your position very clear while pretending to remain neutral.

Personally I did something similar without the dismissive verbiage. Some people believe this, others don’t, you can decide which you’d like to pursue.

If she wanted to go to church with a friend I said ok go for it and we’d have a quick discussion about it when she got back. As she got older and more curious about my beliefs I’d share them but trying to remain truly neutral was my goal. It’s good for some people and bad for others, you gotta trust your children to make those decisions themselves you can’t do it for them.

Good post. You're right. Except that I was not trying to be neutral. I am intentionally dismissive of religion. In this particular instance, I was also a bit annoyed because my niece had fed some nonsense about heaven to my 4 year old (typo in previous post. She's 5 now and was 4 at this time) that worried her. I'm super open with my daughter but I don't feign neutrality very often, so I gave her my conclusions. That's really the crux of the question here: is it better to Shepard kids toward your own beliefs or let them figure it out.

Personally, I think it's better to share beliefs and reasoning at the same time because it's more clear. Important caveat that it's okay to disagree, which my daughter exercises often. I also understand that some people prefer to let their kids figure out more on their own. I think kids figure it out on their own either way, as others have said, and sharing your own learning gives them a headstart.

[wireframe]

Originally Posted by Locke

Have you taught her about Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy?

No. She still goes for Santa but I think she'll figure it out in 2024. The difference is that Santa claus is fun and adds wonder while religion is not.

[SutterBrother]

Watch a lot of Mythbusters. Encouage them to ask a lot of questions, and test things out on their own. They'll figure it out.

The one thing you don't want to do is push hard or be dismissive. That's what can drive them when they're teenagers.

[wretched34]

I was raised by Catholic parents/grandparents, they weren't super strict about it. We went to church on the holidays, I was enrolled in Catholic schools, but it certainly wasn't Live by the word or burn for eternity...
I haven't stepped foot in a church since graduation, aside from a couple weddings, and would consider myself Agnostic at best.
I now have a son approaching 14, he's never been to church, and goes to public school.
I felt it was important that he was aware of religion, so he could be open minded and accepting of his peers who may be more devout. So we openly discuss religion in the home, and share our thoughts and ideas regarding it. I've always encouraged him to learn as much about religions as he can, simply because it is an interesting piece of history.
Honestly though, talking with him, religion really isn't a hot topic with his peers, he's got friends of all ethnicities and religious backgrounds, and they don't treat it any differently than who their favorite hockey team is.
There have been times he's come home and mentioned a friend of certain belief told him something really interesting, and then he'll read about it online, think it's cool and carry on with his day.
It does seem the younger generations are far more accepting, and open with one another, and that religion causes far less segregation than it did in the past, not to mention the "non-believer" population is far less of a minority than it has been for centuries.
I guess my advice would be, be open, be honest. Share your beliefs, but don't diminish others. Let them learn and be accepting. If they choose to adopt a religion be accepting of them.

[kevman]

I mean, call me crazy but, I see no problem with telling them the truth.

[CliffFletcher]

If you’re not religious yourself, or have close family who are religious, then it’s quite unlikely your children will embrace religious faith. So what you’re teaching them at that point is how to regard people with different beliefs. And the answer should be with tolerance and empathy.

[#-3]

I'm fairly openly Atheist, and this is something I really thought about, because when we really believe something to be true, we all want our children to find the same beliefs.

I took a few approaches,

I really didn't want to directly contradict anything they were saying, I think it would terrible for them to start retorting to other kids my own atheist screeds should the topic come up, and I assume 2 six year olds would be very poorly equipped to have a meaningful conversation on that level even if they did.

So first any time they would bring up something about god i would either make sure I replied "that is what they believe in christian mythology", or I would draw comparisons to characters they new to be fictitious like Thor.

Second sometime I started making jokes with them like Christmas dinner being the feast of Sol Invictus celebrating the return of the undying sun. Or praising Freya that it was Friday, generally trying to make light of religious beliefs that everyone now holds as untrue.

Third if they directly asked me what I believe, I would be pretty honest, I believe the real world around us exists, and we are part of it. We don't exist without it.

I also haven't really had an issue doing the whole Tooth Fairy / Santa Clause / Easter Bunny thing with my kids, by the time their 9 or 10 their in on it and they wont say anything to you cause they'll know the rules.

[Sylvanfan]

I have a 13 soon to be 14 year old son. At this moment he's really interested in Evolution. He was telling my mother in law about Dinosaurs and the size of them and other animals from that era. She says...wow that must have been scary for the people at that time....she was dead serious. She's 77 or do only has about a grade 8 education from a private catholic boarding school in the 50's. She still thought the whole Bible is what had happened...even though she probably has not been to any type of church herself for close to 60 years.

Unless your kids go to Catholic schools they should be okay. Some friends will go to Church, but I had friends who went to church when I was young that were more interested in telling me where they had lunch after. Can't remember any 5 years trying to preach God at me. But 40 years ago even public schools had a lot more Christisn based ideals. So even though my parents were not church goers themselves I did have an idea what all this was. I guess we were evil enough where there was a Bible in the house that I think my Dad had from his folks. Although now that I think about it I remember him telling us it wss just like a story book.

[FlamesAddiction]

Originally Posted by Sylvanfan

I have a 13 soon to be 14 year old son. At this moment he's really interested in Evolution. He was telling my mother in law about Dinosaurs and the size of them and other animals from that era. She says...wow that must have been scary for the people at that time....she was dead serious. She's 77 or do only has about a grade 8 education from a private catholic boarding school in the 50's. She still thought the whole Bible is what had happened...even though she probably has not been to any type of church herself for close to 60 years.

Unless your kids go to Catholic schools they should be okay. Some friends will go to Church, but I had friends who went to church when I was young that were more interested in telling me where they had lunch after. Can't remember any 5 years trying to preach God at me. But 40 years ago even public schools had a lot more Christisn based ideals. So even though my parents were not church goers themselves I did have an idea what all this was. I guess we were evil enough where there was a Bible in the house that I think my Dad had from his folks. Although now that I think about it I remember him telling us it wss just like a story book.

The thing is, the Catholic church doesn't even disregard evolutionary science, nor is it strict about taking the Bible literally when it comes to the age of the Earth. Some of the most influential evolutionary scientists were Catholic. You can if you want to, they don't care either way, it's up to the individual. Maybe it was different back in the 1950s, but even 100 years before that, Catholic scientists were making discoveries in biology that hinted at evolution. I know we learned about evolution, dinosaurs existing millions of years ago, geology, and all that stuff.

I went to Catholic school up until grade 9 and religion class was my favourite class, next to history and geography. I kind of looked at it the same way as an English lit class. You read stories and try to figure out what the people were thinking and what the lessons were. But I liked it more, because you had to try and put your mind into the space of ancient or medieval people.

[btimbit]

Originally Posted by FlamesAddiction

I went to Catholic school up until grade 9 and religion class was my favourite class, next to history and geography. I kind of looked at it the same way as an English lit class. You read stories and try to figure out what the people were thinking and what the lessons were. But I liked it more, because you had to try and put your mind into the space of ancient or medieval people.

I'm with you here. I never liked religion class, until in High School we spent a few months learning about other religions. I found that incredibly interesting as it focused more on the history side of things. That kinda changed my outlook. I'm still not religious in any way, but it was interesting to learn about