Is your wife, girlfriend or partner ALWAYS exhausted???

[kipperiggy]

Originally Posted by activeStick

In general, people are more tired these days due to how connected most people are at all times through technology. All of the new ways people are distracted through notifications that require attention are on top of everything else that people have always had to and continue to have to address before the technology we have today arrived. This leads to our brains and our focus tending to more things overall than before, resulting in mental and then physical exhaustion.

Without a cellphone that is constantly feeding you notifications/alerts via social media, text messages, etc. people in the 80's and 90's always had some time to just rest the mind, but it's virtually impossible these days unless you physically put the phone away. Constantly having things that require your attention every few minutes will drain you eventually when it's 8-12 hours a day, every day.

And then women also have multiple things that are unique to them which they deal with constantly on top of all this that are exhausting.

I have a friend who a few years ago made some drastic changes around how much a part of his life technology is and one of the benefits he's told our group of friends is having a lot more energy every day and he hasn't even cut it off completely, but rather, makes a point to limit its use.

I always have my phone near me in case of emergencies but limiting notifications during focus time (whether work or personal) does wonders for productivity and then I actually get done what I need to get done, and can later relax.

If only there was a switch so I could turn off CP during work hours ...

[GirlySports]

Too connected. Just have to let go, especially the schooling. Parents are checking who their kid's friends are, what classes they're in, who's teaching? It's too perfect. My daughter's elementary school got flooded with calls of parents not happy where their kids were placed.

Did your parents ever care which home room you were in? You got to class the first day, saw the class list and that's it. I don't think it was even made public to parents. And then the driving kids to school, how many kids were driving to school when you were in school? I'd be surprised if it was 10%.

Helicopter parenting is the major cause of a stress.

The week before school started in September, I took my daughter to get her hair cut (she's 7), to look nice for school. I chatted with the hairdresser, you must be busy now with all these kids getting haircuts. She replied, "It's not the kids, it's the moms." "Why?" "Moms need to look good in front of other moms they see on the first day of school."

That's another stressor. I'm a mom, I never even thought of this! I look like an old-school mom, no makeup, baseball cap etc...

[pseudoreality]

This is an interesting thread. I would say yes, my wife is tired all the time. We (early 40s) both are. We work stressful full-time jobs and have young kids. Every day it's work, it's running kids to activities, dinner, clean-up, making lunches, bath and bedtime, etc. It also doesn't help that neither of my kids are good sleepers so we are often up with them in the middle of the night.

I will say I notice two big differences between myself and the wife:

(1) She has a much harder time switching gears. I can stop thinking about work and focus on the kids more easily. I can get into relaxing mode or vacation mode in less time. Similarily she can't nap or get back to sleep easily if woken up in the middle of the night.
(2) It takes her twice as long to complete tasks than me. I don't get it, but whether it is making dinner, washing dishes, folding laundry, or whatever, I'm completing it in 1/2 to 1/3 the time. She is a very careful person, but I would not say there is a huge quality difference in the final product.

Combining 1 and 2 I can multitask in say turning on a hockey game while cleaning up after dinner and making lunches, while my wife cannot.

[btimbit]

Probably because we both worked such crazy hours all the time, but my wife and I have never been the type to load up our schedule with a bunch of stuff or activities.

Even with my son and my first wife, he'd have maybe one thing to go to in a week. No doubt that would multiply with more kids but I've just never been the type to think I/We always needed to be doing something

[blankall]

My wife and I are both exhausted all of the time. We have a 2 year old and both work full time. Any extra energy we have is sucked up by the child.

The idea that people have less energy now than before is totally BS. People are objectively doing far more work than they were 40 years ago. They are more productive and work longer hours. On top of that, most people are wearing multiple hats. Responsible for child care, things around the house, lawn care, etc... they also exercise and have hobbies, instead of just letting themselves go.

[GGG]

Interestingly enough an individual worker is not really working more than previously

https://www150.statcan.gc.ca/n1/pub/...00001-eng.htm#

[blankall]

Originally Posted by GGG

Interestingly enough an individual worker is not really working more than previously

https://www150.statcan.gc.ca/n1/pub/...00001-eng.htm#

Young people work less:

Workers aged 15 to 24 experienced the most pronounced change in average weekly working hours over time, largely reflecting the share of students in this age group which more than doubled from 1976 to 2022, rising from 19.0% to 39.2%.

A lot of that is not by choice either. No more well paying full time jobs post high school or even post-university. I'd be interested to see the stats for employed people aged 30-50.

[Cappy]

BBC had this article today:

https://www.bbc.com/future/article/2...d-all-the-time

It turns out I'm far from alone. According to a 2023 meta-analysis that examined 91 studies across three continents, one in every five adults worldwide experienced general fatigue lasting up to six months, despite having no underlying medical conditions. In the US, 44% of the more than 1,000 adults surveyed by the National Sleep Foundation in 2019 said they felt sleepy between two to four days every week. While a 2022 YouGov poll of nearly 1,700 people found that one in eight UK adults were tired "all the time", with another quarter knackered "most of the time". Women were more likely to be fatigued than men, regardless of whether they had children or not — a finding that was echoed across multiple studies.

[Mr.Coffee]

Originally Posted by dubc80

Bolded for emphasis. If you're so tired all the time, look for things to cut out of your life and re-allocate time for you to rest/re-charge.
No need to be a hero. Your kid will be totally fine if they are in 1 activity a season, instead of 3 like the neighbor kids.

Except no- even if your kid is in one activity, but you have more than one kid, you’re still out thousands and thousands of dollars and many multiple days per week. Weekends are spent ferrying kids to all these activities even though it’s just one activity.

I think activities are hugely consuming. We also get emails from literally all of our kids (1) activity reminding us on multiple occasions that we have to stay super duper dedicated and vigilant and that if you miss one ####ing practice your kid may not be able to participate in competitions even though they’ve attended the last 20 practices without missing. Also schoolwork / homework is not an excuse to miss a practice. Also if you’re sick you still have to be there and just sit to the side to support (wtf?).

I wanted to reply to their last stupid email and tell them where to shove it but alas my kid likes the stupid activity but I’m praying they quit at the end of the year because of how much I hate them / it.

Coles notes avoid cheerleading at all costs. My other kid plays hockey and, well, we all know how that goes but hilariously it’s somehow less intense.

And yes, I realize it’s all “our fault” or “my fault” but the kids like it so, dunno. One activity can have a massive impact on people’s lives. The expectations- I’m not sure if they’ve ballooned or not but they definitely are a HUGE strain on family life these days. And people without kids will never get it.

[CliffFletcher]

Originally Posted by Mr.Coffee

I think activities are hugely consuming. We also get emails from literally all of our kids (1) activity reminding us on multiple occasions that we have to stay super duper dedicated and vigilant and that if you miss one ####ing practice your kid may not be able to participate in competitions even though they’ve attended the last 20 practices without missing. Also schoolwork / homework is not an excuse to miss a practice. Also if you’re sick you still have to be there and just sit to the side to support (wtf?).

You didn’t even mention the fundraising.

There are aspects of modern living that put greater time demands on us. But much of this busyness is self-inflicted. The status games never stop.

[Cheese]

My wife is almost never exhausted! She runs 20km a day minimum, volunteers, and has to put up with me. I get exhausted watching her!

[Mr.Coffee]

Originally Posted by CliffFletcher

You didn’t even mention the fundraising.

There are aspects of modern living that put greater time demands on us. But much of this busyness is self-inflicted. The status games never stop.

I agree the busyness is self inflicted but I disagree (personally anyway) it’s a status thing.

You learn some pretty key life skills and build key community relationships with some of these activities. That’s how we view it anyway, right or wrong.

[kevman]

Originally Posted by Cappy

BBC had this article today:

https://www.bbc.com/future/article/2...d-all-the-time

The author getting 8.5 hours of sleep is complaining about being tired!? Oh man, what I wouldn't give for 8.5 hours of sleep even once a week!

[fotze2]

Originally Posted by CliffFletcher

You didn’t even mention the fundraising.

There are aspects of modern living that put greater time demands on us. But much of this busyness is self-inflicted. The status games never stop.

The fund raising is because of one or two annoying twunts who want their darling to have everything and you are guilted into participating. Asking friends to subsidize your kids stuff, embarrassing. It's mostly for those couple parents who have a business and can donate.

Oh we need tracksuits, here is the order form. Fata off Karen. When we finally put the foot down and told the kid no, he cried when all the tracksuits arrived. After that though, he also thought it was stupid and understood.

After the first kid went through all this I was wiser, so first thing after that first team email, I would reply-all and say "Hey guys, I have sourced out this company that can make these glow-in-the-dark ceramic sheep with the kids names on them, let me know how many you guys want on this order form, the kids in the past really loved them so you don't want to miss out'.

[opendoor]

Originally Posted by blankall

Young people work less:

A lot of that is not by choice either. No more well paying full time jobs post high school or even post-university. I'd be interested to see the stats for employed people aged 30-50.

So do older people though. For 25+ year olds the average actual hours worked has dropped from 39.3 in 1980 to 37.5 now. Even as recent as 2000, the average was 39.4 hours. And the same holds true for 45+ year olds, so it's not youth underemployment driving that.

[curves2000]

I will follow up to the post that I do think a lot of what may also be happening is modern life and how we choose to live it may be more exhausting, or at least gives us a fake impressions that it help us.

A LOT of this social media, hyper connected smartphone, laptop in bed lifestyle is killing us and is a sickness, specifically with trying to live a fake life online.

There is a great book I have and read a long time ago. Talks about the health hazards of modern life and how it affects us, and this book was written almost pre-computer days in 1980. https://www.amazon.ca/Survive-Modern.../dp/0879832304 It's a fascinating look at life. I totally get it, life has changed.

Perhaps some of this could be the cause? Almost all of my close circle of friends are guys from immigrant backgrounds. This topic has come up a lot lately. Comparing life and different generations to modern way. We actually compare what our parents did and our grandparents did and are in awe. Life in the old country so to speak.

When this topic has come up, virtually all of us had moms/grandmothers who actually worked either in the family business, employed by someone or did enough work in and out of the home that it blows away any office job of today. There has just been scenarios where we are wondering what is going on? A few friends' wives do not have jobs or children yet are complaining about being tired to grandma's who have had a dozen+ children and raised them in poverty in the old country. It's a what is going on here moment?

The reverse could very well also be true for men in 2024 and it may well be the case. It's just been an observation that has come up lately.

[Bill Bumface]

People are less physically fit, more mentally stimulated and a bunch of other good points in here.

I notice guys complaining all the time about being tired too.

Seems to maybe be a weird badge of honour like asking people at work how they are and it becomes a competition of who's "busier".

[monkey brewery]

All I know is when the cross stitch or knitting comes out in the evening, I am not allowed to come upstairs or have the TV too loud. I don't question it, I never have, the system has worked for me for decades.

[edslunch]

Originally Posted by kevman

The author getting 8.5 hours of sleep is complaining about being tired!? Oh man, what I wouldn't give for 8.5 hours of sleep even once a week!

8.5 hour with apnea is equivalent to 4 at best, not that she said she has apnea.

[blankall]

Originally Posted by opendoor

So do older people though. For 25+ year olds the average actual hours worked has dropped from 39.3 in 1980 to 37.5 now. Even as recent as 2000, the average was 39.4 hours. And the same holds true for 45+ year olds, so it's not youth underemployment driving that.

The definition of what "youth" is has changed. People aged 25-30 have are underemployed. Once again, the categories her are totally meaningless. 15-25, 25-45, 45+....those groups no longer form cohesive groups of any sort. People aren't getting stable jobs at 25 and then decreasing hours, as they look towards retirement at 45, anymore.