Is your wife, girlfriend or partner ALWAYS exhausted???

[Sylvanfan]

I find that January is a long boring ass month. Add in the dark and the cold plus the letdown with time off after Christmas and it's a grind. If I lived in the Southern hemisphere, I'd think July was this way. So this time of year I think energy levels can be a bit low. Even my kids are a battle to get out of the house to school right now.

[monkeyman]

Originally Posted by Jason14h

They are just making excuses to not have to cuddle with you and your friends .

Oldest trick in the book

Your girlfriend/wife “cuddles” with your friends?
That is the oldest trick in the book.

[activeStick]

In general, people are more tired these days due to how connected most people are at all times through technology. All of the new ways people are distracted through notifications that require attention are on top of everything else that people have always had to and continue to have to address before the technology we have today arrived. This leads to our brains and our focus tending to more things overall than before, resulting in mental and then physical exhaustion.

Without a cellphone that is constantly feeding you notifications/alerts via social media, text messages, etc. people in the 80's and 90's always had some time to just rest the mind, but it's virtually impossible these days unless you physically put the phone away. Constantly having things that require your attention every few minutes will drain you eventually when it's 8-12 hours a day, every day.

And then women also have multiple things that are unique to them which they deal with constantly on top of all this that are exhausting.

I have a friend who a few years ago made some drastic changes around how much a part of his life technology is and one of the benefits he's told our group of friends is having a lot more energy every day and he hasn't even cut it off completely, but rather, makes a point to limit its use.

[Weitz]

Woman are more prone to thyroid issues which can lead to constant tiredness. My wife, sister, mom, and mother in law all are on medication to help. Wife more recently. She always recommends to her friends to get blood work done if they are sleeping well but are tired all the time.

[undercoverbrother]

Originally Posted by curves2000

Strange topic I know but it dawned on me recently in conversations with my male friends, that they always talk about how the women in their lives are ALWAYS exhausted. Tired, exhausted, "dying" and "half dead" This has been confirmed by the women themselves all the time. My female friends are the exact same way.

The last few women I have dated complained about it constantly, sometimes multiple times in a short conversation and multiple messages in a text convo.

I am referring mostly to women in their 20's and 30's who are otherwise healthy. It did not or does not appear to be the same issue with generations much older. My mom's generation and her mom's generation are/were in a different league. V12 engines so to speak! This isn't just my family, we all talk about it with the guys all the time. These older women are like machines in all aspects. Work, housework, cooking/cleaning/laundry etc, gardening, raising children/grandchildren, fixing things around the house, shopping, taking care of almost everything, volunteering at community events.

In previous generations, the traditional household had the male be the business equivalent of a CEO in terms of final decision, setting household strategy and more. The female mom/grandma was like the COO, making sure everything runs like clockwork and getting everything into line.

I am in awe of these older women and how much they are/were able to do. Life used to be really really difficult from a overall work perspective and people having much larger families years ago. We have it so easy in a lot of ways.

It's not like the usual reasons for being exhausted didn't apply to previous generations like work, kids, homework, cooking/cleaning, housework, sports activities and more. They did and in a lot of cases, a lot more.

Just an observation and wondering what it could be? Perhaps women also feel that young men these days do the same thing? I don't know!

no, I am a ####ing joy to live with and provide a rejuvenating wellspring of youth for my wife.

[Cortez]

This is very anectodal since it was just my wife - but she was extreamly tired and exhausted for years. Like no joke needed naps and couldn't make it past 3 in the afternoon without "hitting a wall"

Finally we payed for a functional medicine doctor and ran a bunch of tests on her. Turns out she had an autoimune disese called hashimoto's - but the real kicker was she is allergic to a host of foods. She has since cut them out of her diet and is a completly different person. It's actually insane how much has changed just with fixing her diet.

Being allergic to a type of food or "intolerent" to a type of food doesn't always present in a way you would think. It can also just drain your energy and suck the life out of you

[Brendone]

Don’t women tend to run an iron deficiency, which can lead to fatigue? I find it’s easier to get my dog to take pills than my wife to take a multi vitamin (she doesn’t like bologna, and gets the vitamin out of the cheese).

I’ve also seen women who train like pro athletes but refuse to match their nutrition for some reason, leading to some real health issues. Huge calorie burn with brutally low intake.

[dubc80]

ha ha, I feel this post.

Everytime my mom, or my Mother In Law stays with us for a few days, my wife and I always comment on how they are "machines". Always have, always will be.

Cooking, cleaning, helping with our kids. Never complaining, never stopping.

Personally, for modern day moms, I think a part of it comes with what they choose to focus energy on (too much), and "mom guilt".

They're so tired because they never say no to anything and feel bad taking short cuts. Guys have a much easier time doing that.
Parenting is hard, take the easy route once in a while. It will be better for you in the long run.

[Icantwhisper]

My girlfriend is exhausted on a regular basis, but also exhausting on a regular basis. Balances out, lose/lose!!

[dubc80]

Originally Posted by CliffFletcher

Probably. I doubt our grandparents would have characterized going to Chinook to buy a new hoodie at Uniqlo and having trouble finding a parking space as ‘exhausting’.

Also, our life arcs have changed our perspectives. Women used to start having kids at 20-21. So they had only a short period of child-free adulthood. Now, men and women will often have 15 years of childfree adulthood, some of it still having meals, cleaning, shopping, etc taken care of by parents, and some of it living in their own place where they probably aren’t cooking every day and keeping a spotless house. Lots of freedom and time. That becomes the norm.

Then kids come - or buying a home and needing to budget, shop, take cleaning seriously, etc - and it’s a huge step up in demands and responsibility. There’s a reason “adulting” has become a verb.

And as GGG remarked, expectations around child-rearing are higher than before. Keeping them fed, clothed, and out of jail used to be the expectation. Now kids are driven everywhere in endless rounds of enrichment activities. That labour falls disproportionately on women. But in my experience, it’s also mostly moms who have turned parenting into a kind of competition.

Bolded for emphasis. If you're so tired all the time, look for things to cut out of your life and re-allocate time for you to rest/re-charge.
No need to be a hero. Your kid will be totally fine if they are in 1 activity a season, instead of 3 like the neighbor kids.

[Doctorfever]

Originally Posted by dubc80

Bolded for emphasis. If you're so tired all the time, look for things to cut out of your life and re-allocate time for you to rest/re-charge.
No need to be a hero. Your kid will be totally fine if they are in 1 activity a season, instead of 3 like the neighbor kids.

Unfortunately this is me and my wife. Kids are in so many activities, we are in the go at least 6 days a week. I am tired, but she is exhausted.

Her energy level also is depleted since she has been fighting minor cough, congestion for about 3 weeks.

She tells me that generally women need more sleep than men. Not sure if that is a fact or something she believes herself.

[Torture]

Could be exhausted with doing all the unpaid labour. Maybe you need to take a look in the mirror and step it up around the house.

[Doctorfever]

Originally Posted by Torture

Could be exhausted with doing all the unpaid work. Maybe you need to take a look in the mirror and step it up around the house.

Are you talking to me?

[Torture]

Originally Posted by Doctorfever

Are you talking to me?

curves2000 since he started the thread...but probably not a bad thing for all men to think about

[GirlySports]

For some women, their lives are just too much, technology, social norms, going out, activities, FOMO etc... there's a lot. Getting to the office, getting yourself here and there, getting your kids here and there. Everything is timed, on a deadline etc... it's stressful.

For me, I really really try and simplify life, less schedules, less activities. It's still tiring but not to the point of exhaustion because I let a lot of stuff go and try not to be perfect.

[photon]

Last few years I would say yes she seems a lot more tired but my wife's been dealing with Rheumatoid Arthritis and related things for a long time. But it does worry me about her health.

Doesn't help that I've lost a bunch of weight recently so my energy level has increased so I notice her tiredness more too.

And yeah I give a pass to anyone with kids, that's exhausting.

[Cappy]

Among the other things mentioned in here, I can at least anecdotally attest to horrible sleeping habits.

TV and phone screens are not great before bed.

Also, at least in my house, my wife and I will have bad sleeps due to stressors in life. My wife probably has 2 panic attacks per month in the middle of the night due to work stress.

[The Fonz]

I feel like we're all more "tired" than we used to be. The world today is mentally exhausting, and with smartphones we're constantly inundated with (and addicted to) a steady stream of BS, be it work, family, friends, or social media related. It's constant.

EDIT: I forgot school! Getting texted daily updates from the school regarding your kids. It's just everything - we're constantly in contact with every facet of our life. It's a lot.

[kipperiggy]

Originally Posted by Nyah

I'd argue that we (the modern women) are more like machines than older generations. In a lot of cases we still have to do all those things, and also maintain full time employment because houses aren't $10,000 anymore. Drive kids to and from sports/activities, maintain relationships and somehow try to find time for ourselves in there somewhere.

So, yeah. We're tired a lot of the time.

Yeah I'm confused by the OP. Is he saying that previous women were better at working hard than us? Because you have it right, where there is more expected than ever.

[DoubleF]

Originally Posted by GirlySports

For some women, their lives are just too much, technology, social norms, going out, activities, FOMO etc... there's a lot. Getting to the office, getting yourself here and there, getting your kids here and there. Everything is timed, on a deadline etc... it's stressful.

For me, I really really try and simplify life, less schedules, less activities. It's still tiring but not to the point of exhaustion because I let a lot of stuff go and try not to be perfect.

The answer is yes. But the comparison to previous generations posed by OP isn't accurate IMO because previous generations were sprinters and now we are all triathletes (not even marathon runners). There is absolutely no down time now and people need down time. We need to know more and rather than higher peak performance for shorter durations in a single discipline, we're maintaining non-stop high level performance in a variety of disciplines. I agree that we should do less and try not to be perfect and let things go. I've already gone through this process and guiding my wife through the same. We have half or less of the activities of other parents (ie: swimming, piano, hockey, gymnastics, art, multi language AND whatever else) and we're still basically burned to the ground. It's nuts. We have like 2-3 activities a week for the kids. Some parents have like 3-5 per day after school.

I've constantly found myself thinking that the solution to modern problems is being like a hipster making something "old to new". People need to be able to be bored and I realize I have to intentionally teach my kids this. Sitting around and doing nothing is wrong. But sitting and meditating to reach zen is not. Not just kids but adults are messed up too. Remember waiting a week for a new episode of a series at a specific time? No, no. That pisses people off now. Have to binge the whole thing in one sitting.

For your first part, I seem to recall the comments that used to be common that most men are physical and most women are psychological. If that assumption is true, then whether you are male or female, perhaps constantly being connected to technology would drain a psychological individual faster than a physical one, even if they are exposed to the same duration of technology. So those types of psychological individuals will drain faster. This isn't even yet factoring those types of people basically vicious cycle need to be connected more to technology like an addiction.

For instance, earlier this week, a major schooling/before and after school care situation popped up recently which affected hundreds of families from many schools around the city. We were one of those. My wife quickly put together a group chat with about half a dozen families with both husbands and wives in the same boat, to group discuss and share how each family will approach finding a resolution. I honestly agree this group chat is a pretty efficient way to approach this and many child care facilities and names and people to message etc. has been shared. But wait lists are like 18-48 months long. I keep up with the first couple hundred messages then literally go to a few meetings, and leave my phone behind. Within 2-3 hours, 220 messages notification from that group chat alone. An additional 80 messages later in the day during my commute. In total, there has probably been something like 1200 messages over the last few days, 90% from the wives. Husbands are contributing, just not remotely close to the same level as the wives. We're talking, "Here's what I've experienced and done so far in the last 8-18 months. Give it a shot. What's the plan for the next 3 months, 5-7 months, 8 months, 2 years, elementary to Jr high to high school, how is this possible for families with working parents? etc. stuff" following the conversation is tiring but I'm part of the 10% contribution. Following AND being part of the 90% contribution and exposed to that extra stress of finding a resolution for sure is probably exhausting. I've told her I appreciate her for doing this, but I was already thinking I do need to do more to really show that appreciation and this thread is making me think that's the right approach.

My wife and I agree that equal is what we agree is equal. For efficiency and effectiveness sake, she does more administrative and social stuff. Coincidentally or not to stereotypes and assumptions, it's more psychological and emotional work. We're already stretched thin energy wise. It makes no sense to expend more time to do a worse job by equally distributing the types of tasks. Specializing in certain tasks makes more sense. I do more physical, endurance, miscellaneous random type stuff, a lot less emotional, mental and more physical robotic stuff but I do fill in the gaps as necessary while also doing preventative type improvements to help us get through the deluge of stuff/life. This means she does most of the arrangement and scheduling for kids and activities. I'm physical labour, butler, driver, repairman, financial/occupancy stuff etc. but even then, we're drowning with how seemingly unstructured and random school schedules and before and afterschool care seems to be in the modern world. It's nuts.

My wife is fried. I get why she's exhausted. But down time gives her anxiety, so she can't down time. It's a vicious cycle about stressing about relaxing "OMG did we forget something current or forget to pre-prep something coming soon?" We're working on it together and part of it is basically intentionally scheduling down time into our schedule where we aren't allowed to do stuff or feel guilt about how things are going etc. Almost like scheduling a "meeting" with another employee at work to go for coffee so you actually get a break to breathe, bathroom and hydrate/eat, otherwise you'll work non-stop for 7-9 hours in a day and feel completely messed up. I basically tell her that it's a "secure your own oxygen before helping someone else with their oxygen mask" procedure. If we break, everything else goes down with it. So we have to make sure we don't break down.