Is your wife, girlfriend or partner ALWAYS exhausted???

[flamesfever]

Originally Posted by Winsor_Pilates

I assume a lot of the parents posting here have young kids, which is why they're so busy and can use the help of a cleaner.
Your toddler isn't' going to clean toilets; the danger of cleaning products alone is reason this isn't a thing. My son would drink the toiler cleaner

He does however have a mini Dyson, broom, duster and mop and loves to follow us around using those; so hopefully it's forming some early habits.

If you're describing slightly older kids or teenagers and I definitely agree by that age they better be helping with cleaning, especially after themselves.
Seeing young adults move out for the first time and not knowing how to do laundry or clean their bathrooms is gross.

Yes, there is definitely and age factor. I recall a drilling engineer friend of mine long ago who had a ranch, was divorced, and raising twin boys. I asked him at what age did he think they should start doing chores? He said he didn't think they should get much older than six. before starting to work around the place.

I found this interesting, because kids raised in the city are probably a lot older before they are expected to do much around the house.

[Slava]

Originally Posted by fotze2

I am thinking about a cleaner and it will 100% be due to lazy. We have had a few in the past and it seems like you are just paying money to have an eastern European lady walk around your house when you are not there. (Does saying Eastern European instead of filipino make me less racist? I think it does, so I'll keep it).

What is a reasonable cost to expect? $40/hour. Just me living there. Vaccuum, mop floors and dust. I can do the #####ter.

Yup, that sounds about right for cost.

[PepsiFree]

Originally Posted by TorqueDog

Yeah, I don't understand their thinking -- do they think the cleaner lives here? Or comes every day? Mine comes once a week for maybe two, two and a half hours at the most. If I didn't clean as I went about my day for the entire time she wasn't around, my place would be kind of dirty and she would need way more time to clean this place.

She just does a deeper clean than I do day-to-day.

I don’t have one now but did growing up and that’s how it worked for us. We were expected to keep the house clean, it just eliminated the “deep clean” you’d have to do every couple weeks or so.

The deep clean sucks. That’s why people pay other people to do it, not to throw away pizza boxes.

[GGG]

Originally Posted by flamesfever

Yes, there is definitely and age factor. I recall a drilling engineer friend of mine long ago who had a ranch, was divorced, and raising twin boys. I asked him at what age did he think they should start doing chores? He said he didn't think they should get much older than six. before starting to work around the place.

I found this interesting, because kids raised in the city are probably a lot older before they are expected to do much around the house.

I’d disagree everyone I know raising kids have chores from the start. Whether loading or unloading the dishwasher or putting away their laundry or light housework in general. I think it would be rare for the zero chores between 5-7.

[Sliver]

Originally Posted by GGG

I’d disagree everyone I know raising kids have chores from the start. Whether loading or unloading the dishwasher or putting away their laundry or light housework in general. I think it would be rare for the zero chores between 5-7.

Yeah there's no fkn way.

[chemgear]

Originally Posted by GGG

I’d disagree everyone I know raising kids have chores from the start. Whether loading or unloading the dishwasher or putting away their laundry or light housework in general. I think it would be rare for the zero chores between 5-7.

Yeah, you need to get that return on investment started. Time value of money/effort.

[TrentCrimmIndependent]

nm

[bizaro86]

Originally Posted by fotze2

I am thinking about a cleaner and it will 100% be due to lazy. We have had a few in the past and it seems like you are just paying money to have an eastern European lady walk around your house when you are not there. (Does saying Eastern European instead of filipino make me less racist? I think it does, so I'll keep it).

What is a reasonable cost to expect? $40/hour. Just me living there. Vaccuum, mop floors and dust. I can do the #####ter.

Seems about right for cost. We have 2 people come once per month for a deep clean for $200. Generally takes them about 2.5 hours.

[Geraldsh]

Granddaughter attending university was venting about her roommate, an innocent child from a foreign country who was raised in a house that employed numerous servants. She has no concept of chores and ignores any duties that are traditionally done by a lower caste. Doesn’t have a very good grasp of how money works either. I sense a difficult conversation coming in the near future.

[Russic]

I heard an interesting bit somewhere by some researcher arguing that due to genetics and watching us stumble through life all the time, there's very little we can do to make our kids turn out a whole lot differently than ourselves. When it came to the question of "why try, then?" his point was that you're not so much raising them to be good people, you're raising them to be good roommates.

Barring some major dysfunction, all our kids will likely end up just fine. Not teaching them to do dishes probably won't make or break them as people... it will make them much easier to live with though.

[undercoverbrother]

Originally Posted by flamesfever

Yes, there is definitely and age factor. I recall a drilling engineer friend of mine long ago who had a ranch, was divorced, and raising twin boys. I asked him at what age did he think they should start doing chores? He said he didn't think they should get much older than six. before starting to work around the place.

I found this interesting, because kids raised in the city are probably a lot older before they are expected to do much around the house.

wrong

[Scroopy Noopers]

Originally Posted by GGG

I’d disagree everyone I know raising kids have chores from the start. Whether loading or unloading the dishwasher or putting away their laundry or light housework in general. I think it would be rare for the zero chores between 5-7.

My 2 year old helps me load/unload the dishwasher, start it, fold laundry, put stuff in her drawers, etc… start them young!

[timun]

Originally Posted by flamesfever

Yes, there is definitely and age factor. I recall a drilling engineer friend of mine long ago who had a ranch, was divorced, and raising twin boys. I asked him at what age did he think they should start doing chores? He said he didn't think they should get much older than six. before starting to work around the place.

I found this interesting, because kids raised in the city are probably a lot older before they are expected to do much around the house.

I don't think you can generalize this as a "city kids" vs. "country kids" thing. I'm a city slicker, and I honestly can't remember how old I was when I started doing laundry, washing dishes (by hand in the kitchen sink, with a wash cloth and sponge...), vacuuming, dusting, scrubbing the bath tub, mowing the lawn, taking the garbage out, etc.: I can't remember a time when I didn't have to do these chores.

Hell, I honestly couldn't tell you what age I started making my own lunch for school, but it was sure as #### well before age 10.

I think it's more likely a wealth thing. I went to school with kids whose parents were far, far wealthier than mine, and they either had mothers who stayed at home, or live-in nannies. Those kids were far more likely to not learn how to do chores. (But to be fair, even then, I think for the most part those kids still did learn to do that stuff; just maybe didn't have to do it as often as I did.)

[flamesfever]

Originally Posted by timun

I don't think you can generalize this as a "city kids" vs. "country kids" thing. I'm a city slicker, and I honestly can't remember how old I was when I started doing laundry, washing dishes (by hand in the kitchen sink, with a wash cloth and sponge...), vacuuming, dusting, scrubbing the bath tub, mowing the lawn, taking the garbage out, etc.: I can't remember a time when I didn't have to do these chores.

Hell, I honestly couldn't tell you what age I started making my own lunch for school, but it was sure as #### well before age 10.

I think it's more likely a wealth thing. I went to school with kids whose parents were far, far wealthier than mine, and they either had mothers who stayed at home, or live-in nannies. Those kids were far more likely to not learn how to do chores. (But to be fair, even then, I think for the most part those kids still did learn to do that stuff; just maybe didn't have to do it as often as I did.)

You're right and I am wrong. I shouldn't have generalized in stating the kids growing up in cities start chores later than kids growing up in the country, although the type of chores and need may differ somewhat. I agree wealth and probably different cultures can play a part in if and when kids do chores.

The subject is important though, as studies have found that people who did more chores at a younger age often had more professional success and happiness in life. Getting back to the subject of the thread, the child's effort may, in a way, relieve some of the exhaustion experienced by women.

In answer to one of the queries above, we hire a housecleaner once a week at a cost of $100. for three hours of work. One of the main areas of concern is the abundance of dog hairs coming from our yellow lab.

[GirlySports]

Pets! That's another one.

[GGG]

It’s more exhausting to train children to do chores than to just do them yourself especially when less than 5. Also why does doing chores relieve women’s exhaustion rather than the families exhaustion. If kids doing chores relieves the women’s exhaustion the husband not doing chores is the more likely issue

[flamesfever]

nm

[kevman]

Originally Posted by Scroopy Noopers

My 2 year old helps me load/unload the dishwasher, start it, fold laundry, put stuff in her drawers, etc… start them young!

Don't worry, that will change.

[Scroopy Noopers]

Originally Posted by GGG

It’s more exhausting to train children to do chores than to just do them yourself especially when less than 5.

Only if you frame it that way. They need constant entertainment, she doesn’t consider them chores. They are fun games we play. Sort of similar to Slivers point about taking your kids to things you all want to go to, instead of just things for them. Yeah, she gets to paint and colour and all that. But we also “do chores” together, because it keeps her entertained and engaged, and I can get some #### done.

[DoubleF]

Originally Posted by GGG

It’s more exhausting to train children to do chores than to just do them yourself especially when less than 5. Also why does doing chores relieve women’s exhaustion rather than the families exhaustion. If kids doing chores relieves the women’s exhaustion the husband not doing chores is the more likely issue

Agree but disagree. It's tiring teaching them at first, but then it is far less tiring once they get self sufficient and can do it themselves or help out in a satisfactory manner.

Chores before age 5 is more like play learning and understanding responsibility. Those chopped veggies are ugly AF vs what my wife and I can do. I have to do a few extra passes after they vacuum and they used to get in the way of me doing it faster. But it's less time and less tiring having them being the vacuum and picking up larger items that could clog the vacuum for me now. I can also hand them an item, give them instructions and they run it over (ie: garbage, recycling or Compost). Everyone starts somewhere and needs opportunities to get better. I don't want them to fear failure. I want them to be OK with it so it won't slow them down towards aiming for self improvement.

It's different for different families but for my kids, if I didn't start at age 2-3, I feel like they'd end up with a weird learned helplessness if I waited till age 5 to start. Coincidentally, last year, my 3 year old tantrumed in a way where she complains and tells me she is incapable of walking and starts flopping and rag dolling. I snuffed that #### out right away. I calmly tell her to stop flipping, speak without distortion from crying and screaming (because I can't understand) and taught her a different way to be upset that wouldn't physically hurt her like she was before.

Short term pain for longer term gain.

I can only answer for my household, but chores relieves my wife exhaustion more than me because a messy home tires her emotionally and mentally more than it does me. I'm an unrefined pig who worries not about the mess and also I'm way more efficient and effective at cleaning up the entire house overall an hour or two before guests arrive.