Tell me about being a Dad...

[_Q_]

It's 430 am, I'm in Rockyview right now, waiting for my first born. This thread has been a great read while I wait.

[GreenLantern]

We hit week 30 today, so I've still got some time to figure things out. We've got the majority of our major purchases done and have been told to 'stop buying things' as the baby shower is looming. At first I didn't want to do one, I hate asking friends and family to come buy us stuff, so I wanted to do it charity donation style after the baby was born.. but my wife insists we do it, some people really want to buy you something and she's also been to 2,332,322,232,212.232 baby showers as a non-mom and it is her turn in the sun. Hard to argue with that. Even harder to argue with that as she stands hunched over with her belly out fists clenched with spittle flying everywhere as she 'talks' to me. The joys of child birth!!

[Flabbibulin]

How crazy did everyone else go with spending in preparation of their first one? I'm guessing you learn from your spending mistakes on the second or third. For example, I'm certain it was close to a year from the point we purchased a crib to when it was really used. One of the first things most people buy, but babies will typically sleep in a bassinet the first several months. Certainly no big deal buying one well in advance if you want the nursery nice and finished, but if you want to spread the spending out, the crib can wait- and of course assuming you have a bassinet. If possible financially, I would recommend purchasing a couple extra bassinets to leave at both grandma's homes- assuming the baby will be going with any regularity. Pain to carry those things around. Two of the better investments were a good glider/recliner for feedings and an ambient noise machine.

My wife, like many, went crazy with the facebook buy and sell groups and I was picking stuff up on the way home from work all the time. Usually pretty inexpensive stuff, so no big deal- I think it was more of a cabin fever coping mechanism and opportunity to chat with other new moms. We have two electronic swings that have virtually never been used, while the cheap fisher price incline sleeper is what we use daily for dinner etc

Anyway, the wife and I (more at her insistence than mine) went all out in preparation of the little squirt, including renovating a significant part of our home. Certainly not necessary for a lot of people, but ours was a long time coming and a decent chance we will be not be having more.

[Ruttiger]

Be ok being honest with each other.

Everyone will tell you it's awesome being a parent, and it is. But there are also a lot of really hard, challenging, and frankly, lousy moments along the way too. It probably took us about 3 months to start to feel like we were getting our feet under us. But there were a lot of challenging moments before we got there. My wife struggled with baby blues, depression, anger, and anxiety after our daughter was born and that can be difficult to navigate. When our daughter was born, if I'm being honest, I didn't instantly feel that all-encompassing sense of love. I loved her - don't get me wrong, but it took a few weeks to get to that place everyone tells you about. She's the best thing in my life without question but it didn't feel that way right away.

But it does get better. The good moments slowly start to outnumber the bad. You realize everything is a phase, good or bad. So know that the challenging traits won't last forever and try to be present for the good moments, because you never know when they'll fall asleep with their head on your shoulder for the last time. I always tried to remind myself that if I had to be up at 2:00 in the morning on a work night, feeding this beautiful little girl wasn't a bad reason at all.

It's the biggest adventure of your life - buckle up and enjoy the ride.

[GP_Matt]

We did not buy a lot before birth as it came a lot sooner than we expected. With that in mind though, not every car seat is the same and a lot of the models don't fit small enough for small babies.

Anything that isn't safety related should be bought on kijiji. The markdown is huge and babies don't really wear things out.

[me_dennis]

RE: the breastfeeding topic,

I would get a case of formula as a back up for the first couple weeks as the breastmilk comes in. Also, breastfeeding is a real challenge at first, and I would highly recommend that you take advantage of seeing the lactation consultant at the hospital before you go home. If not, then get a referral to see a lactation consultant afterwards if she is struggling with nursing in the first week. They can prescribe some medication to help with milk production and clogged ducts (can be very painful).

Our first night home alone was challenging. Our son would not stop crying no matter what we tried. My wife had a very tough post partum recovery, and she was worried that she wasn't producing enough milk and it was stressing her out. We had a few bottles of formula that we got from the maternity clinic (free samples) so we tried to give him some formula (feeling kinda guilty about it) and he instantly stopped crying and fell asleep immediately.

For the first week, if your baby doesn't get up to feed every 3 hours, wake him/her up to feed every 3 hours in order to avoid jaundice. The baby needs to poop regularly to get rid of the bile and the best way to get them to poop is to feed them regularly. We didn't know this and thought our baby was a dream cuz he slept 4-5 hours straight, but then the nurse who visited us the next day said he had a bit of jaundice.

Ask lots of questions to the post partum nurses before you leave the hospital. Ask them to show you how to bathe your baby, how to breastfeed, swaddle, change diapers, everything. We delivered at the rockyview and the nurses we had were not very friendly or helpful and so we had to learn a lot of this on our own.

Love and take care of your wife, as she will be in a lot of pain while recovering. Make sure she feels supported, loved, and well rested.

If your baby will take a soother, do it. If they will take a bottle, do it. Do everything you can to allow your baby to sleep. Sleep is so important to the sanity of the both of you.

[FlamesAddiction]

This morning, my 19 month old woke me up about 2 hours earlier than usual by poking me in the arm and going "dada, dada" really quietly to not wake up her mom. As soon as I opened my eyes, she was downright giddy and all because she wanted me to put on some music so we could dance (she is into Pancake Manor lately).

So being a dad is awesome. It was a bit of a breakthrough because typically she is all about "mommy" and I am second fiddle, on account of booby milk. This time, she opted for me first. Losing that little bit of sleep was well worth it.

[Street Pharmacist]

Originally Posted by Ruttiger

Be ok being honest with each other.

Everyone will tell you it's awesome being a parent, and it is. But there are also a lot of really hard, challenging, and frankly, lousy moments along the way too. It probably took us about 3 months to start to feel like we were getting our feet under us. But there were a lot of challenging moments before we got there. My wife struggled with baby blues, depression, anger, and anxiety after our daughter was born and that can be difficult to navigate. When our daughter was born, if I'm being honest, I didn't instantly feel that all-encompassing sense of love. I loved her - don't get me wrong, but it took a few weeks to get to that place everyone tells you about. She's the best thing in my life without question but it didn't feel that way right away.

But it does get better. The good moments slowly start to outnumber the bad. You realize everything is a phase, good or bad. So know that the challenging traits won't last forever and try to be present for the good moments, because you never know when they'll fall asleep with their head on your shoulder for the last time. I always tried to remind myself that if I had to be up at 2:00 in the morning on a work night, feeding this beautiful little girl wasn't a bad reason at all.

It's the biggest adventure of your life - buckle up and enjoy the ride.

Really good advice. It takes a while for many Dads (and some moms) to bond with the child. That doesn't mean you're a bad parent

[psicodude]

Congrats on being a Dad. It is far and away the coolest thing I have ever experienced. The lows will suck, but the highs far outweigh them.

The only thing I would add is to not be afraid to move the baby out of your room after a few weeks. Some people will tell you to wait 6 months or more, but trust your gut. Babies don't sleep very soundly and generally make a ton of little noises all night long. This will keep you up all night as you are certain your baby is going to die at any moment. Other than the first few weeks, babies are resilient and will scream bloody murder if something is wrong. SIDS and other bad things can happen, but they are incredibly rare. Parents hurting themselves accidentally because they are working on 10 hours of sleep per week is less rare.

The key piece of advice that has been stated many times in this thread is this: There is no "right" way to parent. Every kid is different, so try a bunch of stuff and do whatever works for you. Try to get into some sort of routine as soon as you can (easier said than done). Play, eat, diaper, sleep. Rinse and repeat.

You got this!

[LChoy]

Congratulations!

We're 13 months into parenthood and it still feels like we are learning something new with him every day

A lot of great advice and stories in this thread already, so apologies if my experiences and advice have already been said:

Delivery/Birthing/ Immediate advice

• Don't go to the hospital early, they'll just send you home until the contractions are every 4-6min
• Every pregnancy is different, some are super smooth and others are 30hours of pushing. As much as you have both been preparing for the birth, when it actually happens, it can be a very scary and stressful time. Whatever the case, be the rock for your partner. Provide encouragement and support, let her know she's doing great.
• Visitors = I would honestly suggest no visitors for the first week unless really close family and those that can actually help. Especially if you are still in the hospital. Reason being (and depending on the baby of course) is that there is a lot of activity that happens post delivery. Babies feed every 2-3 hours and there is a bunch of tests that have to be done. If the baby is jaundiced than they may also have to spend time in light therapy; Some doctors also order 24hour blood glucose trending so they have to take blood from the infant every 2 hours or so. At home, there needs to be time to figure out the routine and really decompress from the whole process. Therefore it was our opinion that we waited a week before we had people come visit to see our baby
• Request private/semi-private room as soon as possible
• Fed is best - Breastfeeding may be the gold standard for health professionals, but not the only option. Breastfeeding is a mix of technique and art form, it’s easy for some women and incredibly difficult or impossible for others. At the end of the day, a fed baby is best, no matter how that happens
• Rest when you can, your partner may not be the best condition to do a lot post birth. You’ll need your energy
• Stock up on back pain aids, you’ll notice your lower pack will start hurting after a couple of days. Until you have a baby, you’re not use to constantly bending down and it takes time for your back to adjust

Other advice:

• - Besides helping with the baby, keep an eye on your partner. Post-partum depression is very common. Even for Dads, a baby is going to take a period of adjustment. Tempers will flare, disagreement will occur, and you’ll often feel lke you have no idea what you are doing. This is normal. Don’t be afraid to ask for help
• The phrase “it’s only pee” becomes an acceptable and normal part of your vocabulary
• Maybe more for your partner, but mommy forums are amazing place to get advice, support, and best of all, a place to buy, sell, and trade baby stuff. Many things don’t have to be bought new.
• Bonding takes time, for some it’s instant, for others much longer. It won’t change how much you loved them
• Establish a routine, babies love and adapt to routine, they don’t like surprises
• Consistency is key, parents should try to be on the same page as much as possible on the routine, when to pick them up, when and how long a baby should cry it out…etc. Extends also to additional care givers. You may be fine if the little ones cries for 5min before they fall asleep, but your Mother in Law may think the kid is dying and run to them right away….
• Opinion only, but avoid co-sleeping. Very difficult habit for kids to break once they’re use to sleeping with mommy and daddy
• The phrase it takes a village to raise a baby is apt, you’ll be surprised by the amount of support your friends and family are able to provide. It’s great and humbling feeling
• Dollar store pack of puppy pee diapers – lay that over a change table and you won’t have to wash the cover as often
• Google baby development leaps – It’s great to have an idea and heads up that certain weeks correspond to increase development, ie approx. growth spurts, regression, teething…etc. Will explain why your baby is particularly crabby or unusually sleepy and hungry
• You will get a lot of advice from everyone. At the end of the day, it’s your baby and you both have the final say on your baby (although despite any belief you may have, please vaccinate your baby)
• Last thing, enjoy the process and appreciate the little wins, and shrug off the setbacks. It’s the most challenging and stressful experience you’ll ever have, but will also be the most rewarding.

LChoy

P.S. Okay one more thing, just by posting and sharing on CP, you’re already doing something that will help your new baby. CP is just another place you can seek answers and look for support

[undercoverbrother]

I got 1 piece of advice that I really liked.

Nothing Lasts Forever

This goes for the good times and the bad times.

My kids are 13 & 11. There are times I wish they were 2 & 4 again, there are times I am happy they are 13 & 11.

[Russic]

You will be faced with many decisions and regardless of what you do, a segment of the population will tell you that you're harming the child.

Ok good talk, let's get out there. *reassuring ass slap*

[Hemi-Cuda]

My daughter is 6 weeks old, and we're on a combination of formula and breast milk. At the start my wife just wasn't producing enough milk, so we had to resort to formula the hospital and first few days afterwards. Now she produces quite a bit, but the baby refuses to latch on to the breast, she only wants a bottle. So my wife just ends up pumping breast milk several times a day, and we supplement a bit with formula mainly at night. Works out quite well as I can help with feeding and she can get more sleep

[habernac]

It's been 11 and a half years since I've really slept. Totally worth it.

[BuckPunny]

Lots of great advice on this thread already. My kid is 5 weeks old, so I thought I would chime in with some in-the-trenches words from a Mommy's perspective.

-During our rocky start an ER doctor told us on day 4 that the first 90 days are survival mode. After that the love affair begins. I try to keep that in mind during the hard times. Like when we can't calm her down without a soother. Or we need to set her down wailing and walk away and breathe for a minute. Or she will not sleep without being held constantly. Don't beat yourself up. This is survival mode and you are doing your best. You are not going to screw your little newborn up by 'spoiling' her or creating 'bad habits' at this stage. Give yourselves a break, and give yourselves some credit. You know what is best for your baby, even when you feel like you don't know what the hell you're doing.

-Things my husband does that I really appreciate: stepping up and doing the stuff around the house that I normally do, like cooking and dishes and errands. Taking the baby after the 7am-ish feeding so that I can get some rest, uninterrupted by baby grunts and coos and cries. Encouraging me when feeding is difficult. Especially at the start, it really helped me to hear him acknowledge that breastfeeding is really not easy and that I was doing great by pushing through the pain/discomfort/frustration.

-As someone stated, it takes a village! Making sure you and your wife have a network of support is key.

You've got this! And when you feel like you don't, repeat after me: This too shall pass.

[Ruttiger]

I'm hesitant to give advice, because everyone and their dog seems to have the secret when you're a new parent, but these are a few things that worked for us or made a difference along the way. Use or disregard as you see fit:

- this really helped my wife get out of bed after her c-section (was a painful nightmare for her up then): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aiDy0d7sKQo

- to ensure we were each able to get a dedicated amount of sleep, I would be responsible for everything baby-related from the time I got home from work until 1:00 am (easier for us because our daughter was formula fed) and my wife would take over after that

- diapers - they can all fit differently and some parents choose cloth for the obvious reasons, but for us - President's Choice worked every bit as well as Pampers, fit our daughter better than Huggies, and were barely half the price - it adds up over a couple years!

- sleep - this book was given to us and I can't second recommend it highly enough - we followed the instructions to a 'T' at the 5 month mark and after the 5th night, right on cue, our daughter slept through the night and we never looked back - it was like we had a different baby once she was getting enough sleep: https://www.chapters.indigo.ca/en-ca...5603-item.html

[OutOfTheCube]

Just wait until your kid is 2. Now they can chase you whilst screaming at you!

[LChoy]

Originally Posted by Hemi-Cuda

My daughter is 6 weeks old, and we're on a combination of formula and breast milk. At the start my wife just wasn't producing enough milk, so we had to resort to formula the hospital and first few days afterwards. Now she produces quite a bit, but the baby refuses to latch on to the breast, she only wants a bottle. So my wife just ends up pumping breast milk several times a day, and we supplement a bit with formula mainly at night. Works out quite well as I can help with feeding and she can get more sleep

We did the same thing, half and half breast milk and formula. Our little guy didn't want to latch and he was too impatient to finger feed so bottle it was.
More for mommy's but a good automated breast pump can greatly improve the quality of your life

[Knut]

Originally Posted by GreenLantern

We hit week 30 today, so I've still got some time to figure things out. We've got the majority of our major purchases done and have been told to 'stop buying things' as the baby shower is looming. At first I didn't want to do one, I hate asking friends and family to come buy us stuff, so I wanted to do it charity donation style after the baby was born.. but my wife insists we do it, some people really want to buy you something and she's also been to 2,332,322,232,212.232 baby showers as a non-mom and it is her turn in the sun. Hard to argue with that. Even harder to argue with that as she stands hunched over with her belly out fists clenched with spittle flying everywhere as she 'talks' to me. The joys of child birth!!

We did a baby shower, for our first, where the Gift was everyone bringing a copy of their favorite children's book. Each person wrote a message and put their name inside the cover. Quick way to build up a library. There were a few doubles, but overall it was great because each book was personalized.

[GreenLantern]

Originally Posted by Hes

We did a baby shower, for our first, where the Gift was everyone bringing a copy of their favorite children's book. Each person wrote a message and put their name inside the cover. Quick way to build up a library. There were a few doubles, but overall it was great because each book was personalized.

My wife went to a baby shower where the woman registered at a baby boutique shop here in town where a single plain onesie starts at $15 bucks. And instead of a card everyone was supposed to bring a children's book and like you said personalize it. I thought that was such a great idea, but over shadowed by the greediness of attaching it to an over priced registered gift only. It was also her second baby shower for their second girl within a 3 year span.. so you should already have one of everything for the next girl.. I just get bothered by the greed people show in these instances. It should be about the experience not how much you can rake in off your friends.