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Old 01-23-2017, 05:11 PM   #41
craigwd
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My condolences, BC.

A bit OT but to the rest of everyone I say don't wait until your loved ones are sick or terminal to tell them how much they mean to you.

I always make sure the last thing I say to my parents are "I love you" and always welcome them with a hug whenever I see them. I've written short notes and told them already how they have shaped me and influenced me.

One never knows what the future may bring.
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Old 01-23-2017, 06:08 PM   #42
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Sorry to hear about your dad bc-chris. Cancer got my dad 5 years ago today actually, and if there is one thing I regret it's not having recordings of him. I think all I have is a 5 second video of him saying "hello" and that's it. Have him record birthday wishes, like another poster here said have a recording of him reading some kids books. Hell, if you can sit down with him and record him talking about his life as a kid, his favorite memories, funny stories of the trouble he would get up to, etc.

Five years doesn't seem that long, but things like how my dad sounded, how he walked, his goofy smile, the stories he told etc, are all slowly fading from memory...if the remaining time allows for it, try and preserve some of that....I sure as hell wish I did.
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Old 01-23-2017, 07:31 PM   #43
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If your dad has enough energy I would suggest having a family celebration dinner with him. Invite close friends and family over for a dinner (or rent a venue) and have a toast/story sharing event in tribute for him. I've been to funerals of people that died unexpectedly and I've been so touched by the things that were shared and often thought what a shame it was that the individual did not get to hear these wonderful sentiments about them when they were alive. If it works I think it would be a beautiful living tribute.
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Old 01-23-2017, 07:38 PM   #44
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Hey Vhris, I haven't read everything you wrote, or any replies since, buy I'm very sorry you're having to deal with this. your strength will guide you through in the way that is right for you.
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Old 01-25-2017, 01:18 PM   #45
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thanks everyone.

i was over at my folks place yesterday and had a really nice visit. my folks had been hoping to go to hawaii in february but that obviously won't be happening. they've gone to hawaii a couple times over the last few years - they just love it. they have some really good friends in kelowna who's daughter lives in hawaii (her husband is with the armed forces and is currently stationed out of hawaii - so they regularly go visit/help their daughter and grand kids when their son-in-law is deployed). my folks always made sure their friends would be in hawaii when they planned their trip. so i had a thought... since my folks can't go to hawaii right now, why don't we bring hawaii to them? so in the works is a fun evening with lots of hawaiian food and decorations and of course i'll make sure that their good friends will also be there. it should be a really fun night and i know my mom and dad will love it


gahhhhh.... these posts get harder and harder to write
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Old 01-25-2017, 01:28 PM   #46
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bc-chris View Post
thanks everyone.

i was over at my folks place yesterday and had a really nice visit. my folks had been hoping to go to hawaii in february but that obviously won't be happening. they've gone to hawaii a couple times over the last few years - they just love it. they have some really good friends in kelowna who's daughter lives in hawaii (her husband is with the armed forces and is currently stationed out of hawaii - so they regularly go visit/help their daughter and grand kids when their son-in-law is deployed). my folks always made sure their friends would be in hawaii when they planned their trip. so i had a thought... since my folks can't go to hawaii right now, why don't we bring hawaii to them? so in the works is a fun evening with lots of hawaiian food and decorations and of course i'll make sure that their good friends will also be there. it should be a really fun night and i know my mom and dad will love it


gahhhhh.... these posts get harder and harder to write
Hi Chris, it sounds like your doing everything right by your old man. Good on you.

For the Hawaiian party, find a projector and beam a tropical beach scene on a wall while you play ocean and music in the background. I think you can even get a fabrize dispenser with beach smells, just don't get a East Coast Jersey Beach one because your house will smell like Hobo funk and rotten seagulls and raw sewage

Also I wanted to add, make sure that YOU'RE getting all of the help that you need and all of the rest that you need. You're not going to be any good to anyone if you burn out or stress out. Make sure that you take a few minutes a day for some just you time where you can kind of relax yourself.
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Old 01-25-2017, 02:10 PM   #47
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Sorry to hear about your dad...really sucks. I lost my mom just over 17 years ago now and it still gets to me on occasion and I still remember that day. I was going to university in Calgary and my parents came in to visit for the weekend. on their way home they were involved in a car accident and my mom was killed instantly. So strange that one moment your saying "see you soon" as they are walking out the door and then you get the news that your never going to see your mom again.

I guess I'm saying make sure you take this time to tell your dad how much he means to you and also make sure he is aware of how well he did raising you (I know I don't know you but judging by that family photo, he did ok). It takes a lot of courage on your part to put on a brave face and do this but it will more than worth it to your dad, and yourself 17 years from now when your thinking back on how you spent your last days with him.
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Old 02-03-2017, 08:57 AM   #48
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hey guys

thought i'd give a little update. my dad is still doing well - which is awesome. Matthew had him laughing pretty good yesterday, so that's always fun to see! my folks continue to get ready for after he's gone. from what i understand his funeral is pretty much planned (they have another meeting at the funeral home this morning to go over things). i've also started to bring to my place some of the stuff he wants me to have (not gonna lie - that's pretty tough). it's also hard when my dad asks me what i want of his - my first thought is always, 'nothing dad - this is YOUR stuff!' it's not that i don't want it, it's just that it's not mine.

they've had a couple meetings with palliative care people (who have been awesome) so that's been good.

as much of the 'easy stuff' as possible has already been transferred to my mom's name. some things are just a whole lot easier to do once a death certificate has been issued.

i'm still working on getting him to pick some jewelry for my mom. the last few visits my mom has always been around, so hopefully we can get some alone time. even if we can look online at a local store and i'll go get it. i think it would mean so much to my mom.

i mentioned above that i was planning a hawaiian party this past weekend.... it was AWESOME!!!!

when we got to my folks on sunday my mom pulled me aside really quick to say that my dad was pretty low. it had been a long day and he hadn’t really rested and they had been going thru things that mom will have to take care of once he’s gone… just a down kinda day

Jordan and Matthew lightened to tone immediately (go figure) and were a great distraction while I got everything set up (the entire back of my truck was full of stuff!!). it didn’t take long and my dad was in great spirits!

we got the truck unloaded and the crock pots plugged in then I went to work dressing up the living room. my dad kept asking ‘where did you get that?’ some of it was borrowed and some my wife found a new ‘party store’ in west kelowna and bought a TON of stuff… some we didn’t use and will return.





we invited some very dear friends of my parents over for the festivities and we all had a blast! my dad really wanted to rock his hawaiian shorts & shirt, but he's always cold now (which to me is soooo weird as he's wired like me and was always warm) - so he threw on a hawaiian apron to get in the mood and then was posing for pics...



we also went and bought special glassware for a special treat…. I made fruit smoothies that were soooooo good… tropical fruit on the bottom layer, berry fruit on top!!





dinner was sooo good – i made Hawaiian meatballs on spaetzle. when my mom would make this dish it was always over rice, but dad didn’t want rice – no problem. we’ll go with a classic Mennonite dish of spaetzle!

the friends we invited brought a banana cream pie for dessert and we also brought a fruit platter

my dad was blown away that we went to that much effort – I’m soooo happy he loved the evening. my dad is a lot like me when it comes to keeping his emotions in check (hmmmm… I wonder where I get that from??), but you could sure tell it got him in the feels – so awesome. he’s just lucky I wasn’t a lot younger and without kids….. I would have transformed his living room into a beach… sand and all (seriously… one time for halloween a buddy and I left school early and put an actual dirt grave mound in my sister’s bedroom… including a headstone!! ha!)… but those were the good old days when I actually had spare time! ha!


chris
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Old 02-03-2017, 09:03 AM   #49
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bc-chris, you're a terrific son.
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Old 02-03-2017, 04:30 PM   #50
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I am now convinced that bc-chris is the ultimate human.
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Old 02-03-2017, 04:36 PM   #51
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Part of me doesn't want to open this thread anymore and leave it with the fabulous job that BC-Chris has done and the heart warming pictures of the party.
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Old 02-03-2017, 06:52 PM   #52
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Chris is the best son a father could ever have.
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Old 02-04-2017, 08:07 AM   #53
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Also sounds like Chris' father is the best father a son could have.

I'm sorry you have to go through this. My thoughts are with you.
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Old 02-04-2017, 08:29 AM   #54
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Maybe I'm just emotional leaving my kids for a few days but you got me bawling
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Old 02-04-2017, 08:38 AM   #55
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thanks guys


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I am now convinced that bc-chris is the ultimate human.
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Chris is the best son a father could ever have.
^^ you know what guys, i just love my dad, nothing more, nothing less. i'd do anything for him (and of course for my mom too). i want to make what little time left i have with him as genuinely awesome as i can, full of great unforgettable memories that i can think back on and smile about (and probably shed a few tears) for the rest of my life.

i've been so fortunate that my entire life my folks and i have been close. have we had some disagreements - oh for sure, i think that's just normal, but we've always had a good relationship.

i know my perspective on life sure changed after having kids. you're not just living for 'you' anymore... you become second to your kids. they've also opened my eyes to the love a parent has for their children. until i had kids i never really 'got' that. my oldest isn't even 4 yet and i would do anything for her. i can only imagine what that bond with Jordan and Matthew will be like decades from now.... and that's the bond my mom and dad have with me
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Old 02-04-2017, 12:09 PM   #56
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I lost my dad suddenly a few years ago and one thing I wasn't prepared for was that he still showed up in my dreams. They weren't bad dreams... always good stuff but the first few shook me up pretty bad when I woke up. Now they're a pretty awesome gift and I wake up feeling like I was able to sneak in a little extra time with him.
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Old 02-04-2017, 12:35 PM   #57
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If you find reading helps in difficult times like this and you want to read a story that relates to this, I recommend For One More Day by Mitch Albom.
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Old 02-04-2017, 07:15 PM   #58
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If you find reading helps in difficult times like this and you want to read a story that relates to this, I recommend For One More Day by Mitch Albom.
Tuesdays with Morrie by the same author helped me deal with my fathers passing. Lot's of good wisdom in that book.
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Old 02-06-2017, 05:40 PM   #59
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we got some good news today - my dad had a doctor's appointment this afternoon and the doc was thrill with how my dad looked and his energy level. he has to get another ct scan next week i think and then another doctor's appointment in 2 weeks.

i had forgotten how huge my parents driveway was until this past weekend when kelowna got about 11" of snow - gaaahhh!! my parents place is on a half acre and the house is right in the middle of the lot.... the driveway is around 135' long and they also have a turn around pad down by the house - uggghh! oh well.... just another good excuse to go over, clear the driveway and have a visit!

we're going to my parents tomorrow night for dinner.... i'm bringing roasted chickens, stuffing, gravy, smashed potatoes and corn!! should be a feast. my mom is making a pie!! tuesday we eat like kings!! ha! ha!
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Old 02-06-2017, 06:17 PM   #60
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Thats great news congrats
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