You Know What Really Grinds My Gears? Now with 3x more gears...

[Mightyfire89]

In 2006 my mother went into the hospital for a relatively routine neck surgery and after the procedure was completed, she was transferred to a room to wait for the anesthesia to wear off. She never woke up. It was subsequently discovered that she suffered a massive stroke while undergoing the surgery. By the time I got the call to go to the hospital, she was long since brain dead, but being kept technically alive by machines. Because my A-hole father is way out of the picture, I had to make the call to take her off life support. Took me 12 agonizing hours, while holding her hand and talking to her and crying to get to what I knew immediately, I had to let her go.
This is not likely helpful to you Erick, but it brought this to mind for me and it’s a bit cathartic to type it out.
I feel for you at any rate my dude, that’s a rough thing you’re going through.

[timun]

Likewise I was party to family decisions to take both of my grandmothers off of life support because of, essentially, "brain death". All the higher functions were gone. It took hours and hours for their bodies to finally shut down; the brain stems had just enough capacity to keep the autonomic systems going for a while, but it was always just a foregone conclusion. Their "official" dates of death were a formality: they'd essentially already died before it ever got to that point.

That was much, much easier than my grandfathers' deaths. One had cancer, and was slowly, painfully killed by it. The other had frontotemporal dementia, and basically withered away. If they'd had the option I would have hoped for their sake they'd have chosen MAID. I hope I'd have the wherewithal to do it.


Erick: your aunt's decision ain't about you and the rest of your family. She just can't do it anymore. It's maybe a bit too clichéd to quote a movie, but I liken someone choosing MAID to John Coffey from The Green Mile:

"I want it over and done. I do. I'm tired, boss. [...] I'm tired of all the pain I feel [...] everyday. There's too much of it. [...] Can you understand?"

[undercoverbrother]

Originally Posted by Sliver

I've had somebody close to me kill himself due to unrelenting and agonizing decades-long mental health struggles. I genuinely believe it was a mercy killing. He suffered too long. I have peace that he has peace, but I wish he could have had the dignity of MAiD and I believe it should be available to people with exceptional mental health problems.

Everyone interprets and experiences this stuff differently and I'm not trying to change your perspective, of course.

I believe we are on the same page.

While it would have hurt me to see him do assisted dying, I would have at least had the change to say good bye to a loved friend, as would have others.

I can't even begin to wrap my head around the pain that caused him to kill himself.

I just wish I had the change to say good bye and tell him that I love him.

A bit OT, but I now make sure I tell me friends I love them regularly.

[TorqueDog]

My grandfather passed in 2019, and when he did, it was because he got to choose to go with dignity. MAID wasn't needed in his case, however, as he was on semi-daily kidney dialysis, so his decision was "I'm going to stop my dialysis".

I flew into Kelowna for a day to spend time with him and say goodbye, and a week and a half later, he was gone. I'm glad he got to choose to go on his own terms, and it made things easier for those of us who were sticking around since it meant we got to make sure we said goodbye rather than one day be ambushed by him passing suddenly.

[cam_calderon]

Originally Posted by undercoverbrother

I believe we are on the same page.

While it would have hurt me to see him do assisted dying, I would have at least had the change to say good bye to a loved friend, as would have others.

I can't even begin to wrap my head around the pain that caused him to kill himself.

I just wish I had the change to say good bye and tell him that I love him.

A bit OT, but I now make sure I tell me friends I love them regularly.

It's likely that your friend was experiencing such pain, that finding empathy for the people around him was difficult to impossible. It's suffering that probably not a large proportion of the population can really comprehend.

I'm currently trying to help my friend who is experiencing depression. I feel like I don't know what I'm doing, but showing care and compassion is a good start.

[Dion]

Originally Posted by undercoverbrother

My good friend killed himself in May 2016.

I never got to see him before he did it, I had the chance but decided not to walk a couple of minutes to see him.

I hate it, it still bothers me. Not all the time but there are days it really picks away at me, and it ####ing hurts.

Suicide isn’t the same as medically assisted dying.

He left a lot of people empty and broken that day.

Maybe it would be different if he had said good bye and that he couldn’t go on, I don’t know.

I’ll never ####ing know.

I know it's hard but I believe suicide is not a matter of choice. The profound depression that motivates most suicides is a disease. This disease causes a level of pain so profound that it twists one’s ability to assess risk, to make good choices, to maintain a sense of future possibilities. When people act out of this depression, they are not exercising free choice. They are falling victim to a disease. This disease is not about logic or self interest. It is about an immediate desire to be dead.

[Dion]

Originally Posted by Locke

They say that Suicide is 'The Coward's Way Out.'

I contend that it takes a good deal of courage to know how and when to end your own life and follow through on it.

The cowards are the ones keeping people around, in agony, for their own selfish reasons.

I wouldnt want a loved one to hang around in pain, knowing that they're just waiting for the end just because it makes me sleep easier. Thats selfish.

If they feel like they're done and their time has come. That should be that person's call.

I do get your side of it. You want to keep that person around as long as possible. Its a loved one. But you have to consider all sides of the equation.

I think it takes a lot of bravery to decide to end your life.

My father didn't use MAID but he chose to not do Chemo for his Colon Cancer in 2000. He wanted quality of life over quantity when it came to his last days. He used the few months he had left to settle all his affairs and to call in a pastor so he could plan his funeral. His last few days he used morphine to heavily medicate his pain so he could pass away peacefully.

[Sliver]

Originally Posted by Dion

I know it's hard but I believe suicide is not a matter of choice. The profound depression that motivates most suicides is a disease. This disease causes a level of pain so profound that it twists one’s ability to assess risk, to make good choices, to maintain a sense of future possibilities. When people act out of this depression, they are not exercising free choice. They are falling victim to a disease. This disease is not about logic or self interest. It is about an immediate desire to be dead.

I think those decisions can be made after a long and thoughtful period.

Sometimes people can be dealt a hand that is too much to take.

I completely agree they are victims of something akin to a disease, though, but I don't like to minimize the thought and consideration that many put into arranging their final act.

I also think a lot of people bear anguish so as not to hurt those they love by existing in agony for longer than we should expect. That's why I like to forgive and understand people who take their lives. I think they typically do it after a period of hurt most of us cannot fathom.

[timun]

In my experience someone who goes through with an attempt more often than not actually does so not out of a sense of "selfishness", as it is so easily and often chalked up to by some of the people left in the wake of their action.

On the contrary, it's actually done so out of a sincere, deeply-held belief that the people in their lives would be better off without their presence. That by ending their life, it's actually doing their friends and family a favour. They really do think it's for the best for everyone. They truly, honestly don't believe it'll leave a path of destruction behind, nor a void in the lives of those families and friends.

Of course this is borne out of a very twisted logic. There is a rationale, but it's based on false premises. Premises warped by, as Sliver put it, "a period of hurt most of us cannot fathom", or "disease [that] causes a level of pain so profound that it twists one’s ability [...] to maintain a sense of future possibilities," as Dion put it.

I think the people who react with anger and lash out about "The Coward's Way Out" and how "selfish" people are just don't otherwise know how to process it. The thought of being so anguished to consider suicide may be beyond their comprehension. For example you sometimes hear stories of parents who commit suicide and leave kids behind, and other people are often extremely scornful about it afterward, spitting venom about how selfish it was for that parent to leave kids without a mother/father, and I always think "you just don't get it: that parent killed themselves because they thought their kids would be better off without them." A lot of people out there cannot fathom how profoundly you have to hate yourself to to believe that's the most reasonable course of action, so they can't understand how it could be anything other than a selfish act.

[8 Ball]

Originally Posted by Fuzz

It's not even suicide at this point, it's choosing to go out on your own terms. That, to me, takes much more courage than going along with it until death.

Some people don’t wanna die apparently, pussies.

[81MC]

I think I’ve figured out why no matter what happens I seem to hate my job.

It’s the people. I thought I liked them. I don’t.

They’ll manage to turn something a simple reply ‘yes’ to a multi-positional multi-interaction where I look like I dropped the ball. All. The. ####ing. Time.

They’ll fail to retain one iota of mandatory information if it doesn’t apply directly to their job then come to me like I was supposed to inform them personally. Like, yeah…that’s why THERE WAS MANDATORY TRAINING for god sakes.

Hundreds and hundreds of stupid ass ‘well I don’t know, what rays mean I could have just searched for 2 seconds and found what I’m looking for before emailing you and cc’ing a trillion people’

They’ll Talk about #### for years. State something over and over to the point I have it literally verbatim recorded what they said. Time for action? Hey wouldn’t you know they’re now saying the opposite thing.

So done. Jesus Christ.

[Titan2]

Originally Posted by 81MC

I think I’ve figured out why no matter what happens I seem to hate my job.

It’s the people. I thought I liked them. I don’t.

They’ll manage to turn something a simple reply ‘yes’ to a multi-positional multi-interaction where I look like I dropped the ball. All. The. ####ing. Time.

They’ll fail to retain one iota of mandatory information if it doesn’t apply directly to their job then come to me like I was supposed to inform them personally. Like, yeah…that’s why THERE WAS MANDATORY TRAINING for god sakes.

Hundreds and hundreds of stupid ass ‘well I don’t know, what rays mean I could have just searched for 2 seconds and found what I’m looking for before emailing you and cc’ing a trillion people’

They’ll Talk about #### for years. State something over and over to the point I have it literally verbatim recorded what they said. Time for action? Hey wouldn’t you know they’re now saying the opposite thing.

So done. Jesus Christ.

Reading post.
Regular post of corporate bull#### we all know and hate.
Look at OP.
Wait, its 81MC. Ooh. That makes it so much better. Sons Anarchy/the office mashup.
Here for that.

(Probably lame post. UCB exempt)

[Mightyfire89]

nm

[Scroopy Noopers]

Can’t let my favourite thread stay on page 2…

One thing that doesn’t seem to go away, even after “finally” having a kid, is people wanting to know if my wife and I #### each other without protection. Please stop.

[fotze2]

Originally Posted by Scroopy Noopers

Can’t let my favourite thread stay on page 2…

One thing that doesn’t seem to go away, even after “finally” having a kid, is people wanting to know if my wife and I #### each other without protection. Please stop.

Well?

[Wormius]

Originally Posted by Scroopy Noopers

Can’t let my favourite thread stay on page 2…

One thing that doesn’t seem to go away, even after “finally” having a kid, is people wanting to know if my wife and I #### each other without protection. Please stop.

Did you accidentally join a incel group?

[habernac]

Who the #### would ever ask that?

[bizaro86]

Originally Posted by habernac

Who the #### would ever ask that?

That's not how people say it though.

I've definitely been asked if we were trying to have kids (we were married for quite awhile before we did have kids).

That's slowed down now (we have two kids in middle elementary) but even now once in awhile someone asks if we're going to have another kid. We're not.

I think it's super-rude. There are only two possibilities for why someone in a committed relationship doesn't have kids.

1) they don't want kids, either ever or not yet. That's a totally fine choice, but can still be awkward when the person asking assumes everyone should want kids.

2) they are trying to get pregnant but haven't been able to yet. This one can make that question very difficult, because you may reasonably not want to discuss your personal health issues casually, and fertility issues are often really emotional.

[Cecil Terwilliger]

[fotze2]

Originally Posted by habernac

Who the #### would ever ask that?

I would totally ask that.