What Is Love?

[troutman]

Calgary researchers explore dark side of love: jealousy, revenge and nasty breakups
Valentine's Day love stories? Not quite. Lab helps people make sense of messy relationships

Read more: http://www.calgaryherald.com/news/ca...#ixzz1mIzXwnXW

Recently, the pair attended an adult night at the Telus Spark science centre, where they were bombarded with relationship questions from Calgarians. It made them realize just how much people want to make sense of their own messy love lives.Of course, it’s not always easy to examine love with a clinical eye. But Sheppard and Boon said it is possible to study the patterns of humans in relationships, and the information gleaned as a result can actually help people solve their own problems.

“Are we going to destroy the magic of relationships by studying them? I don’t think that’s possible,” she said.

[Lt.Spears]

edit, didnt see the other thread.

[troutman]

Discovering The Secrets of Long-Term Love

A survey reveals many American couples are still "intensely in love" even after a decade together -- and hints at the reasons why

http://www.scientificamerican.com/ar...long-term-love

Forty six percent of women and 49 percent of men reported being "very intensely in love," according to the report, which was published in this month’s Journal of Social Psychological and Personality Science.

What are the secrets of intense love over the long term? Not surprisingly, the list was topped by physically affectionate behaviors such as hugging and kissing. The survey couldn’t determine cause and effect, but oxytocin, sometimes called the “cuddle hormone,” goes coursing through our bodies when we receive hugs or make love. We then feel closer to our partner and long-term bonding ensues. Decades of psychological research shows that social connection is a fundamental human need and essential for our physical and mental well-being. Affection is such an important element of love that the couples in the study who did not report any physical affection also reported a loveless relationship.

The researchers foundthat frequency of sex was also strongly associated with intensity in love, but that, interestingly, it was not always a requirement: 25 percent of those who had not had sex in the last month still reported being intensely in love.

Thinking positively about one’s partner is another common element of couples intensely in love, according to the findings. When people see each other every day, they can sometimes take each other for granted and stop noticing the characteristics they used to appreciate about their mate. However, a little awareness and gratitude may go a long way in countering this tendency. When we get to know someone well, we naturally learn about both their strengths and their weaknesses but it is really up to us whether we choose to focus one side or the other. By focusing on what we appreciate and admire in our partner and being grateful for the value and gifts that our partner brings into our lives, we cannot but think positively and may feel more intense love as a consequence.

Love may also be cultivated in shared experiences. Couples intensely in love reported participating in novel, engaging, and challenging activities together.

What of happiness? Can a relationship lead to happiness? Certainly, it can. Yet the survey suggests that taking care of your own happiness may also be important.

[Muta]

I think all of us on this board can agree that we have a strong love for hockey. Maybe even lust.

... And I like my girlfriend. Alot, But if it's hockey or her, I'm putting on my jersey and getting intimate with HDTV. I'm not afraid to admit it, and you shouldn't be either.

[troutman]

Love is in the Brain


http://theness.com/neurologicablog/i...-in-the-brain/

Evolutionary changes to your brain’s hardwiring and chemistry have spared you the tedious task of performing a biological assessment of potential mates. Rather, you just have an automatic feeling – an attraction – that is largely based upon a cold subconscious calculus of breeding and life success. You find yourself thinking obsessively about a good mating prospect. You may feel giddy just by being in their presence. The mere sight of them gives you a pleasurable spike of dopamine.

This crazy chemical in love phase will last about 9 months (for most people – the occasional “swan” may last much longer), long enough for longer term attachment mechanisms to take effect. This is also long enough for there to be a high probability of bringing children into the mix, forming other (perhaps even more powerful) chemical attachments.

The scientific view of love and romance can seem anything but romantic, and we can’t even let you have the scientific explanation without pointing out our current uncertainty and the need for more research. The fact is – love and romance are biological/neurological phenomena. They are being studied and we are slowly building a reductionist picture of exactly how and why we feel and act the way we do.

This view, however, is not incompatible with romance. It is a rationalist romantic view. Understanding biology is not inconsistent with embracing and even reveling in the human condition. Feelings of love and attraction are not diminished at all by an understanding of the possible evolutionary advantages of those feelings, or the underlying brain chemistry, any more then they are enhanced by ascribing those feeling to fate or magic.