[Ace]

Life sure teaches you things. When I was younger I thought you just looked at a woman and she would get pregnant, and bam you're having a baby. Sometimes I think it would be way better to have some teaching on how challenging getting pregnant can be, and how common miscarriage is. It's probably something many of us now share though, knowing how fragile life is, and the capacity that is built up from having gone through tough things like this.

For my wife and I, while incredibly heartbreaking and difficult, miscarriage was something we went through together, and something only the two of us can really appreciate between ourselves. A crisis in our family that we were there to support each other through, a moment in time that you can express how you really are there for each other. (I'm sure not unlike many other trials people face).

I think the hardest thing for me once we had experienced miscarriage was going into future pregnancies no longer ignorant. It actually added a weight of 'what if' that prevented me at times from fully appreciating the joy. If I could give any advice I'd say do your best when you're pregnant again to not worry about what could happen, and enjoy each day. The trials in life will show you that you can get through them when they come, and come out on the other side with more capacity; but when you have moments where it's time to live in the joy, step into it fully. This has been hard for me, because my instinct wants me to brace for (possible) impact, but looking back I wish I would have lowered my guard and lived in the moment more when things went well.

I am thankful looking back that I was able to be there to support my wife and grieve with her when things did not go as planned. Those were actually very valuable times in our relationship ultimately, even though I would have never wanted or chose to have gone through them.