[CliffFletcher]

The U.S. was founded and settled by fringe religious refugees from Europe, which is why they take their freedom of religion pretty seriously. Short of murder, people can do almost anything under the auspices of religion down there.

Scientology story. I'm wandering around Amsterdam stoned out of my head, as one does when they're 19, when someone on the street gives me a flyer and asks if I want to take a test to determine my mental potential. I say sure.

So he takes up into a well-appointed open office with a bunch of Dianetics books laying around and a few other guileless or bored passerby waiting. I had heard of Dianetics, but didn't know anything about Scientology at the time (few people did in the late 80s.) Next thing I know I'm writing a very long and in-depth test, kind of like a combination of those exams they used to give to students very three years and a Myers-Briggs test. I finish, and wait a long time for the results to come back. Long enough that my buzz has worn off and I'm starting to get a little annoyed.

Just as I'm about to leave, a business-like woman ushers me into her office. I'm ready for the pitch now, curious about what kind of flakey gibberish they're going to use to get me to sign up for Dianetics. The woman goes over a graph of my results, pointing to some very low scores in a couple categories (motivation and self-discipline, IIRC).

"Did you know you test very low in these categories?"

"No, I didn't." I take the bait. "So what can Dianetics do for me?"

She looks over the rim of her glasses at me and shakes her head. "Nothing. We can't help you. You can go now."

Looking back, maybe something showed up on my profile that indicated I would not be susceptible to their brainwashing. I don't know. But at the time I was pretty bummed at being rejected by a self-help business.