[Crazy Bacon Legs]

A lot of people are dwelling on the negatives of the Flames being swept in the first round of the playoffs. It’s important as a fan in these trying times to call attention to some of the more positive aspects of the 2016-17 campaign. Positives from the season that I can think of include:

• The Flames ended the playoffs with 4 losses, likely fewer losses than the eventual Cup Champion. In a way, this means the Flames are the real winners. In another, very literal, sense it means they are not.
  
• Brian Elliott is a potential trophy winner. Sure, he let in some rather soft goals and collapsed when he most needed to perform, but Brian Elliott taught us all that trying is what matters, not results. It doesn’t matter if your team is swept in the playoffs in a humiliating series in which the deciding factor may well have been the soft goals you let in, as long as you tried hard and had fun. There’s almost no doubt that Elliott will be a finalist for the Participation trophy at the NHL awards this year, and I’d be shocked if he doesn’t win.
  
• Johnny Hockey learned the true meaning of Christmas. Johnny Gaudreau used to believe Christmas was all about the presents. New tie, flashing robot (beep beep), fluffy robe. Then he discovered that Christmas was really about what you have within, spending time with loved ones, and watching grandmas race around the table.
  
• The Flames had fewer goals against than the Lillehammer Tridents. Admittedly, they are neither an NHL franchise nor a professional hockey team, and you likely have never heard of them. But they let in 390 goals this season, which is atrocious. The Flames were 14th in the league with 219 against, and the Tridents were not even NHL ranked they were so bad. Think of the Avalanche from this year, and then double how bad they were. Then double that number again. That’s how bad the Tridents are. I hate the Tridents so much. Go suck on a lemon, Tridents.
  
• Brad Treliving finally published the recipe for his famous “Forbidden fruit pie.” Sure, the carnage was horrific and we dare not repeat even the first ingredient in this dark and twisted confectionary, but we finally got to see what the fuss was all about. It is said that those who tasted the end product before their gruesome demise died of desert-related bliss, but the autopsies revealed it was actually internal hemorrhaging. Some things are meant to remain secret.
  
• The Flames led the NHL in the Mesmor index. The number of wizards and mind-benders on a team has traditionally been hard to quantify. Those gifted with these dark powers can force their enemies to do their bidding through sheer will alone. When Zebron Mesmor finally developed the analytics necessary to measure these elusive techniques, even the most die-hard of statisticians were shocked at just how many mind-wizard skills the Flames had (nearly double that of the next best team). This is likely something the Flames will continue to lead the league in for years to come. Those who disagree will almost certainly have their will sapped from them, leaving shattered, emotionless husks where complex, thriving human minds once existed.
  
• Plegnor the Forbidden, who dwells in the murky, unseen depths, didn’t murder OR consume a single person in the Dome this year. Let us all pray he remains satiated.

These are just a few of the positives I saw in the season that is now over. I think there may be others, but I have a chicken in the oven and it is done.