[GKDarts]

Have no experience with computer programs but do have some recent experience with the "not very self motivated" sentiment/perception and thought I would chip in on some of the 'tough love" type comments in this thread...

My eldest son was a good student in elementary and jr. high, when he worked he got good grades but never top of the class. He went to a well known, large public high school in SW Calgary and developed a friend group that were nice kids but definitely not very motivated academic achievers. These friends were much more interested in parties and pot rather than the honour roll. My kid floated with this group for three years, doing just enough at the last minute to get to 80% after digging himself an early semester hole he had to climb out of. Sometimes the hole was too deep (adios physics career!). By grade 12, outside of knowing he wanted to attend university, he had no idea of what programme wanted to do, no interest for any particular field and no hobbies that were associated with any vocation.

For years my kid had said he wanted to go away for university. He ended up settling for applying to business programs (decision based largely on "decision fatigue/quit pestering me/can make a decent living with an undergrad degree). He applied to a half dozen schools and was quickly accepted to Dalhousie commerce co-op program in Halifax. Dal does an amazing job on marketing and "client care" and he was quickly smitten by them. He only had eyes for Dal and informed us that was where he was going.

We have no connection to the East coast and while having the means to fund this "adventure" and having set aside RESPs, I didn't want to bankroll a semester of partying, probation and ultimately a Dean's vacation. Our solution was to make him carry all the costs of the first semester. Deal being that if he did well, we'd reimburse room and board and fund semester 2. Throughout this whole process, my kid smugly told us that he would just "turn it on" and kick butt in university and get straight A's . I told him that based on his body of work thus far, that wasn't a likely outcome. By the time he left for school, I figured there was a 50% chance this would be a one semester experience. My most optimistic expectation was that he would eek out a B average somehow.

Long story short, the kid was true to his word. Finished year 1 with perfect grades, Dean's list, scholarships, yada-yada. Finishing up year 3 and has a job offer upon graduation from his co-op employer. Great friend group, great girlfriend, continued great grades and a great experience at Dal (covid notwithstanding).

Looking back on it, the stress I had about his lack of motivation or direction in High school was based on my own experience and cynicism about just being able to flick a switch in university after not having done so at all in High school. In talking to my kid, having his own skin in the game that first semester certainly helped to focus him. He appreciated that we didn't go full tough love on him but rather set up something that put the responsibility to perform on him and provided incentives to perform. It's not to say that all kids will end up like this...

Also, I'd echo Gordon Blue's post...I think my kid would have been much less successful staying in Calgary with his existing friend group.