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Calgary4LIfe · 01-23-2017, 12:32 AM

I lost my mom 17 years ago from ALS. My dad just turned 90 a few weeks ago, and doctors didn't think he was going to make it to 85 - he has severe dementia and I have been looking after him full time for years now.

I know what you and your family are going through. Some pieces of advice from my personal experience:

1- don't forget to take breaks for yourself. You will need that energy for your dad's passing, and also the time shortly after.

2 - ask him th the questions now, and keep asking them. Things about his past, the history of your family, etc. Not only will it be good to hear about it all while he is still here, but I find it is a great way to bond and have him feel like he is contributing.

3 - this one should be obvious, but people sometimes forget it - he is still here and very much alive. Don't start mourning his passing. I am sure he would love to be surrounded by warm and smiling faces, and would really benefit from laughing. He still has time to enjoy life, and you should enjoy life with him.

4 - this is not an easy time for the strongest of us. Just remember that you are not alone. This is a time to make use of the people in this world that love you. Don't ever hesitate to ask for help from them. They will help keep you standing, and they will also help you get back up when those days become so difficult that you can't do anything else but cry. There is no shame in crying, so let it out when you can, and then go back to your dad with your smiling and comforting face, and help him enjoy the time he has left.

5 - this is the most difficult part - when that time does eventually arrive. Stay as calm as possible. Just hold his hand, tell him how much you love him, how proud you are of him, how he did so well and raised such a great family. I am not sure if you want to go that prepared, but there are some pretty helpful YouTube videos that do get you more prepared for that time. It isn't for everyone, but they are there if you feel you would like an idea of what to expect.

I am really sorry for what you and your family are going through. Just make sure you show him as much love as possible, and make sure you reach out and get as much support as you need.

01-23-2017, 12:32 AM	#21
Calgary4LIfe Franchise Player Join Date: Jun 2010 Exp:	I lost my mom 17 years ago from ALS. My dad just turned 90 a few weeks ago, and doctors didn't think he was going to make it to 85 - he has severe dementia and I have been looking after him full time for years now. I know what you and your family are going through. Some pieces of advice from my personal experience: 1- don't forget to take breaks for yourself. You will need that energy for your dad's passing, and also the time shortly after. 2 - ask him th the questions now, and keep asking them. Things about his past, the history of your family, etc. Not only will it be good to hear about it all while he is still here, but I find it is a great way to bond and have him feel like he is contributing. 3 - this one should be obvious, but people sometimes forget it - he is still here and very much alive. Don't start mourning his passing. I am sure he would love to be surrounded by warm and smiling faces, and would really benefit from laughing. He still has time to enjoy life, and you should enjoy life with him. 4 - this is not an easy time for the strongest of us. Just remember that you are not alone. This is a time to make use of the people in this world that love you. Don't ever hesitate to ask for help from them. They will help keep you standing, and they will also help you get back up when those days become so difficult that you can't do anything else but cry. There is no shame in crying, so let it out when you can, and then go back to your dad with your smiling and comforting face, and help him enjoy the time he has left. 5 - this is the most difficult part - when that time does eventually arrive. Stay as calm as possible. Just hold his hand, tell him how much you love him, how proud you are of him, how he did so well and raised such a great family. I am not sure if you want to go that prepared, but there are some pretty helpful YouTube videos that do get you more prepared for that time. It isn't for everyone, but they are there if you feel you would like an idea of what to expect. I am really sorry for what you and your family are going through. Just make sure you show him as much love as possible, and make sure you reach out and get as much support as you need.