Jay Feaster:
You know, a town with money's a little like the mule with the spinning wheel. No one knows how he got it and danged if he knows how to use it.
Bob Hartley:
Heh-heh, mule.
Jay Feaster:
The name's Feaster, Jay Feaster. And I come before you good people tonight with an idea. Probably the greatest—Aw, it's not for you. It's more a Winnipeg idea.
Mayor Nenshi:
Now, wait just a minute. We're twice as smart as the people of Winnipeg. Just tell us your idea and we'll vote for it.
Jay Feaster:
All right. I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll show you my idea. I give you the Calgary Monahan!
(everyone gasps)
I've sold Monahans to Brockway, Ogdenville, and North Battleford, and, by gum, it put them on the map!
Well, sir, there's nothin' on earth like a genuine bona-fide electrified six-two Monahan! What'd I say?
Stephen Harper:
Monahan!
Jay Feaster:
What's it called?
Murray Edwards:
Monahan.
Jay Feaster:
That's right!
Monahan!
Cast:
Monahan...monahan...monahan... (continue over the following lyrics)
Alison Redford:
I hear those things are awfully loud.
Jay Feaster:
It glides as softly as a cloud.
Ken King:
Is there a chance the track could bend?
Jay Feaster:
Not on your life, my President friend.
Fotze:
What about us brain-dead slobs?
Jay Feaster:
You'll be given cushy jobs.
Lanny McDonald:
Were you sent here by the devil?
Jay Feaster:
No, good sir, I'm on the level.
Police Chief Hanson:
The ring came off my pudding can.
Jay Feaster;
Take my pen knife, my good man.
I swear, it's Calgary's only choice!
Throw up your hands and raise your voice!
All:
Monahan...
Jay Feaster:
What's it called?
Monahan...
Once again!
MONAHAN!
Colley-Urquhart:
But McLeod Trail's still all cracked and broken.
Alderman Carra:
Sorry, "Mom", the mob has spoken!
All:
Monahan...
Monahan!!!!!!!!!
MONAHAN!!
MONAHAN!!!!!
Hartley:
Mona—D'oh!
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