Calgarypuck Forums - The Unofficial Calgary Flames Fan Community - View Single Post

firebug · 05-06-2009, 08:02 AM

Mike,

I know exactly what you are going through. On August 22, 2006 my daughter, Evie, was born silently at 39 weeks 6 days.

Like you, we were fortunate to have the strength of a 2 1/2 year old son to get us through the worst of the grief. What strength he gave us, and the debt of gratitude I owe him, he will likely never comprehend. He realized that when people came to visit an console us, when I started to talk and tell the story of how everything played out, everyone would start to cry, so he would run over and cover my mouth with his hands (funny the moments you remember).

The grief you suffer will be different that what most others experience as you can't long for how things once were, but mourn what never was or what will never be. Remember that you get to have your own grief and mourn the way that is right for you and your family, so don't let anyone else tell you what you should do or how you should feel. We had a funeral and ran an obituary in the newspaper. She is buried out at Edenbrooke and when I visit her grave I can see the mountains. On her headstone we have the following phrase: "I thought of you today Evie, but that is nothing new; I thought about you yesterday and will tomorrow too."

That being said, it is possible to recover from this. I think about my daughter every day. I wish I knew what her eyes and her smile looked like, and what her cry and laugh sounds like. When people ask me about my kids, I tell them about her. I love her as much as any of my other kids. Within a week of the loss, my wife was able to say that if she had the option of going back in time and be able to choose whether or not she got pregnant (and knowing the ultimate result), that she would choose to do it again. The 39 weeks she spent with Evie were that important to her.

We have since been fortunate to have a healthy daughter (14 months old now). So don't give up on continuing to have a family (if that is what you would like).

Feel free to PM or contact me if you would like. Sometimes it is nice to be able to talk to someone who has felt how you feel.

~firebug (Craig)

05-06-2009, 08:02 AM	#138
firebug Powerplay Quarterback Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Mayor of McKenzie Towne Exp:	Mike, I know exactly what you are going through. On August 22, 2006 my daughter, Evie, was born silently at 39 weeks 6 days. Like you, we were fortunate to have the strength of a 2 1/2 year old son to get us through the worst of the grief. What strength he gave us, and the debt of gratitude I owe him, he will likely never comprehend. He realized that when people came to visit an console us, when I started to talk and tell the story of how everything played out, everyone would start to cry, so he would run over and cover my mouth with his hands (funny the moments you remember). The grief you suffer will be different that what most others experience as you can't long for how things once were, but mourn what never was or what will never be. Remember that you get to have your own grief and mourn the way that is right for you and your family, so don't let anyone else tell you what you should do or how you should feel. We had a funeral and ran an obituary in the newspaper. She is buried out at Edenbrooke and when I visit her grave I can see the mountains. On her headstone we have the following phrase: "I thought of you today Evie, but that is nothing new; I thought about you yesterday and will tomorrow too." That being said, it is possible to recover from this. I think about my daughter every day. I wish I knew what her eyes and her smile looked like, and what her cry and laugh sounds like. When people ask me about my kids, I tell them about her. I love her as much as any of my other kids. Within a week of the loss, my wife was able to say that if she had the option of going back in time and be able to choose whether or not she got pregnant (and knowing the ultimate result), that she would choose to do it again. The 39 weeks she spent with Evie were that important to her. We have since been fortunate to have a healthy daughter (14 months old now). So don't give up on continuing to have a family (if that is what you would like). Feel free to PM or contact me if you would like. Sometimes it is nice to be able to talk to someone who has felt how you feel. ~firebug (Craig)